Dear Biffle or Beezy,
How do you distance yourself from someone you realized that you’ve outgrown but there’s been no fallout? It’s actually my closest friend. I realized we honestly don’t have that much in common, just that we both went through that “Shane” phase at the same time lol. She doesn’t really have any drive, then I see not so close friends working their asses off to be where they want in their career, or people that are in a shitty job but excelling in other ways by constantly experiencing new things.
Sincerely,
Beyond basics
Dear Beyond Basics,
GIRL, this letter speaks to me. At 25, I’ve officially moved from the chaotic shitshow of early 20s and into the more mundane but still perplexing mid-20 years. Here’s an unfortunate little truth: In order to go anywhere, you have to leave something-or in this case someone- behind. Whether that means moving physically, or mentally going from one place to another, there’s an undeniable element of sadness to any growth. You’re right to feel conflicted; if you weren’t, it would mean you didn’t care about a friend.
Just last week, I ended a friendship with someone I once called “one of my best friends.” Frankly, I handled it all wrong. She’d been shady, condescending and flat out deceitful for months, but I kept making excuses and brushing my dwindling affection under the rug. Finally, the issues climaxed in a drunken screaming match and her being blocked from every aspect of my life. It sucked and I cried for hours.
Learn from my mistakes: Do NOT DO what I did. Instead, listen to your gut. Your friend hasn’t done anything seriously wrong, but you don’t want to be friends with her anymore. I’m guessing there’s probably more to the story. You sound like a smart, kind person who wants to surround herself with successful, ambitious, like minded folk. It’s OK to get older and be pickier about your friends. You’ve already taken the first step: acknowledging the issue-now comes the tricky part.
Ideally, you’ll be able to distance yourself from this friendship without anyone getting hurt. Make a point of doing things that you’d want to do, but she’d be too immature to enjoy. Anywhere without a bar is a good bet. Don’t be condescending or snarky to this friend about the changes you’re making. That will make her fucking hate you, and you don’t need that drama.
If she reaches out to talk about your polite disappearing act, don’t make excuses, lie, or string her along. At the same time, be extremely careful of how you phrase the issue. Say “I” not “you.” “I want to drink less,” “I want to focus on my career,” “I don’t want no scrub.”
Be real, BE NICE, and end the friendship on a positive note.
Verdict: Your friend isn’t a biffle or beezy; she’s just not the right friend for you. Ending a friendship is often just as devastating and heartbreaking as ending a relationship. Be kind.
Dear Biffle or Beezy,
A mutual friend has put my girlfriend in touch with another gay girl who is super hot and coming to my college for a semester abroad. I’m feeling really insecure and crazy and like I want to go out and spend a million $ making myself look good. What would you do if you were in my situation?
Sincerely,
Inadequate Coed
Dear Inadequate Coed,
What you’ve got here is a classic three part issue. First, you want to amp up attractiveness to max fuckability quotient-basically make yourself as fly as possible without resorting to major lifestyle changes like working out every day (ick). You don’t need to spend mad money to amp up your game. Simply take an honest look at yourself, and write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses. If you’re not sure, think about the women you admire/want to emulate. Ask yourself what you like or envy in other lesbians. Then, do as they do. You gotta take what you like, then make it work for you.
One easy way to make yourself look a little better is makeup! No matter how butch a dyke is, she can always benefit from makeup. Swing by Sephora and ask a sales associate to help you pick out a handful of products. (Concealer, mascara, and and eyeshadow duo can work wonders.)
If you’re really concerned about this girl, defuse the potential for drama/out of relationship touching by making a massive effort to befriend her. She’s way less likely to mack on your girl if you’ve been super nice to her. Guilt is a glorious tool!
Finally, remember to focus on the positive in addition to the negative. Your girlfriend is your girlfriend for a reason. Nothing is sexier than confidence. I don’t know why-that’s just the way women work. Fake confidence till you feel confident; that’s what everyone else is doing.
Verdict: Make this bish your biffle so she doesn’t become a girlfriend creeping beezy.
