Here are four bad habits that could be killing the romance in your long term relationship.
1. Netflix binge-watching
Binge-watching TV can ruin a lot of things, like your brain, your life goals and your sex life. I was once dating a girl who watched so much TV that I actually cancelled my cable just so she would pay attention to me. This is obviously an extreme case, and I probably should have just broken up with her instead of trying to manipulate my apartment so that my own girlfriend would find me entertaining (I threw away all of the books and boarded up all of the windows, too, so she really had nowhere else to look). The problem was, as soon as I cancelled the cable, she whipped out her computer and started watching Netflix. Have you ever noticed how there is no good time to have sex with someone who is determined to watch 18 hours straight of House of Cards? All I’m saying is, maybe talk to each other for a while instead of constantly streaming Orange is the New Black. Being less plugged in gives you a lot more time to makeout.
2. Nagging
I don’t care how cool or laid back you are, I guarantee there are times in your LTR when you are straight-up nagging her. We all do it. We each usually have one thing that we like to nag about. I dated someone who really liked to nag me about whether or not I was ready yet to move in with her. I wasn’t. Asking me repeatedly didn’t help. It’s one thing to ask a question-it’s another thing to ask it four times a day. Other people might be naggers about taking out the trash, or how you leave your shoes all over the living room. I think we get so comfortable in our relationship, knowing that someone really loves us and isn’t going to leave, that we think it’s okay to be annoying. But it isn’t. No one wants to fuck an annoying person. Just because she loves you and won’t break up with you doesn’t mean you should push the limits. This sounds obvious, but nagging kills romance.
3. Being too comfortable
I was born comfortable. I am the most comfortable person alive. But even I know that there is a zone that is “too comfortable.” To be honest, I only know about this zone because I have lived in it, and my girlfriend at the time had to tell me to snap out of it. One summer, I don’t know what happened to me but I got really lazy and stayed inside all day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, eating peanut butter and wearing nothing but a Snuggie (sorry ladies-I’m taken). I also didn’t clean the house or myself at all. My apartment looked like a scene from hoarders. I had to give myself a pep talk to take showers, which I did very infrequently. I know it sounds like I was depressed, but I was just really comfortable. Then my girlfriend was like, “I love you. But you’re gross.” It’s awesome to be comfortable with someone, but they probably don’t want to have sex with a hoarder who hates showering. So maybe recycle some of those newspapers and wash your hair.
4. Lack of surprises
Remember when you first started dating and everything about her was surprising? She likes country music? She used to play the tambourine in a band? She got you flowers for no reason? Over time, you get to know each other so well that you really have to put effort into making anything a surprise. I really recommend putting effort into this, otherwise your relationship will start to feel a little blah. Surprises can be small like making dinner for her or, my personal favorite, wrapping up tiny, cheap gifts from the dollar store and sticking them in her shoes. Surprises can also be more exciting, like putting bondage tape under under her pillow and just seeing what happens (she thinks it’s duct tape and starts making a wallet). If you notice that your girlfriend is putting energy surprises, it is especially important to reciprocate. Otherwise, she will feel like she’s the only one trying to keep it fresh, and that is exhausting. Surprising your girl lets you know that you are thinking about her, and not just as your forever roommate.
Have ideas for topics you want to hear about? Know a great LTR couple we should interview? [email protected].
