How to Be a Gay Lady – Manners for the Modern Lesbian: Lesson Nine

Gay ladies, I don’t know about you, but I believe in never getting out of bed for less than $5000.  As a result, my pajamas have become increasingly familiar to me, to the point that if you were to suggest that they were somewhat of a work uniform, you would not in fact be entirely incorrect. On occasion, however, (rent owing, running out of cat food, the naggingly persistent urge to feed myself) I am unfortunately forced to lower my expectations and head out into my place of employment, since they are so unreasonable as to refuse to pay me if I do not provide them with labour in return.  However, simply because I’m on company time does not mean that I cease being a gay lady — no indeed!  Here is my comprehensive guide to gay lady etiquette in the workplace.

Point One: A gay lady is always out of the closet at all times, because it’s her duty and totally everyone else’s business. Oh poppets, I do realise that this may be easier said than done at times. I remember back when I had to come out at Now that was nerve-wracking. We were all sitting around in the staffroom one day, comparing manicures and swapping recipes and I just blurted it out with no warning whatsoever, like ”Guys, I have to tell you something: I’m a lesbian!  Please don’t judge me for this.” It was an awkward moment, let me tell you.  In the end however, everyone has been fairly accepting of my lifestyle and sometimes they even chat or write a little about subjects of popular interest to gay ladies in order to make me feel comfortable, which I for one, am extremely grateful for.