Archive

Good Taste: Extreme Makeover, Tacky Hors d’Oeuvres Transformed

One of my favorite geeky pleasures is paging through a stack of vintage cookbooks. I’m not talking about early 1900s, when you can practically see the dreary shadow of the shackles that tied women to the stove darkening the pages.

Nope. Think Mad Men-era. I love the playful mid-century graphic design preserved in cookbooks of the ’50s and ’60s, as well as the idea of sexy femmes walking around in spectator pumps, backseamed stockings, and hostess aprons. I’m not claiming it was actually fun to cook in that getup (or do anything besides loll around popping happy pills), but it’s a hot look.

Trouble is, that era’s food is not appealing to our modern palates. I like to joke that canned cream of mushroom soup was the extra virgin olive oil of the fifties. And did Jell-O really need to invade every course? I like it much better where it is now: in its rightful role as a booze delivery system.

I’ve had McCall’s Cocktail-Time Cookbook (1965) for years, ever since I scored it at a yard sale – but only last week did I realize that ceci n’est pas un ananas. In other words, the pineapple on the cover isn’t really a pineapple. It’s made of molded cheese. Isn’t that freaky? It’s one thing to play with your food for fun, it’s quite another to make trompe l’oeil tropical fruit out of Velveeta with the goal of clawing yourself to the top of the cocktail party hostess heap.

However, the ’60s was the Age of the Canapé. I respect that. We live in the Age of the Crudité. Trays of veggies are boring. I love a high-end cocktail party, where each cater waiter circulates with a new tray of tempting, bite-sized delights (and as a Condé Nast editorial assistant, I went to my fair share). Wouldn’t it be nice if parties had more of that going on?

I decided to challenge myself to zero in on the recipes with the most potential, and re-do them to be healthier, tastier, and more appealing. Here’s what I came up with.

Ingredients:

3 oz. lowfat cream cheese

1 tablespoon milk

½ teaspoon powdered ginger

4 tablespoons chopped tamari almonds

18 pitted dates

2 tablespoons candied ginger, chopped into 18 little pieces

Combine the cream cheese and milk. I used my mini food processor, but you can also whack it into shape with a whisk or fork. (It helps to warm the cream cheese for a few seconds in the microwave.) Stir in the powdered ginger and half of the almond bits.

Slit date halfway through lengthwise. Using your finger, open it up in preparation for the filling step. Repeat with the rest of the dates. Using a small spoon, drop in the cream cheese mixture, arranging on a platter as you go. Once you’ve finished, adorn each appetizer with a piece of candied ginger. Sprinkle the dates with the rest of the chopped almonds.

Notes: This show-stopping vegetarian appetizer has a Moroccan vibe, but only in a fifties pastiche kind of way. I updated the recipe by upping the dried ginger, adding the candied ginger, using lowfat cream cheese instead of full-fat, and substituting tamari almonds for plain walnuts. Vegans, use Tofutti cream cheese and almond milk.

Rumaki is probably the most happily forgotten fifties appetizer: a scallop and a piece of chicken liver, wrapped in bacon. Don’t worry, I’m not going to try to sell you on updating those. However, they are reminiscent of the next appetizer, which is also bacon-wrapped.

Ingredients:

1 package nitrite-free bacon (preferably applewood-smoked), cut in thirds

1 12-oz can of large black pitted olives

about 20 raisins and/or pieces of sliced blanched almonds

box of toothpicks

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Drain and rinse the olives. Stuff each olive with one raisin and/or one piece of almond (depending on your affinity for those ingredients). Wrap each olive in one section of bacon, and secure it with a toothpick. Heat up a skillet and place the olives on their sides in the pan. Brown them on two sides.

Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and then place a metal cooling rack on the cookie sheet. (If you don’t have all this, just use a casserole pan or a cookie sheet by itself). Transfer the appetizers to the cooling rack, and place the whole thing in the oven. The bacon-wrapped olives will continue to cook, and the grease will drip onto the tin foil, making for a healthier snack. Cook for 20 minutes, then remove from oven and let them cool a bit on the rack. Transfer to a platter.

Note: I updated this recipe by stuffing the olives. Spanish tapas often include olives stuffed with almonds or garlic cloves (hello!). I also used nitrite-free bacon (vegetarians, use bacon substitute and add a little oil to the skillet).

I think this last appetizer is a bit of a guilty pleasure for most of us. Easily mocked, it’s also even more easy to binge out on them while avoiding conversations at awkward family gatherings. So let’s keep the good (savory sausage, tender pastry) and ditch the bad (nitrites, MSG, processed dough).

Ingredients:

Gourmet precooked sausages of your choice (I like the vegetarian line Field Roast, as well as Aidells and Coleman Natural

2 containers crescent roll dough

Make your own whole wheat garlic rosemary dough – buy the less evil version at Trader Joe’s, or break down and go with the Poppin’ Fresh guy. You can’t be virtuous every single second of the day.

Mustard (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Slice the sausages in half lengthways, and then crossways, in one-inch lengths.

Prepare the dough by unrolling it so that it’s flat. Brush the side facing you with a thin coat of mustard, if you like mustard. Otherwise, skip it.

Cut the dough in strips and wrap one around each piece of sausage. Place all wrapped sausages on a nonstick baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes.

I hope this roundup or recipes redux inspires you to have a hip, retro holiday cocktail party. Laura and I made and served these recipes, along with with Spinach Artichoke Dip with Hummus Surprise at our most recent poker night – another great reason to whip up sexy, witty finger food.

Candace is the co-editor of Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women (Seal Press, 2010), and Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On (Seal Press, 2009). She is currently working on a memoir-with-recipes for Seal Press called Licking the Spoon. Candace is also the features editor at Mothering magazine, mama of two, and enamorata of smarty-pants Laura, her live-in recipe tester. Follow Candace on Twitter @candacewalsh.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button