Why Lesbians Love Dogs

(RIP Floyd!) 

Everyone is dying to know this one very important question: Why are lesbians so perfect? We treat women how they deserve to be treated, many of us are vegetarians because we wouldn’t dare hurt another living thing, and the great majority of us worship, adore, and obsess over dogs. Okay, it’s settled! We are perfect! Put your hands up for lesbians!

Okay, now that we know why lesbians rule the world, let’s discuss why we love dogs. As a dog-obsessed lesbian myself I’ll prove just why us lady lovers like fur babies more than most, and no, I’m not talking about a vagina (although that’s a great name for a vag).

Lesbians Are Extremely Empathetic

We’ve had it hard. We’ve had to battle our confusing sexuality. We’ve been told our relationships aren’t as valuable as heterosexual relationships, and some of us have even been rejected by our families. We’ve all felt lost. We understand hardships. That’s why many of us can’t stand the thought of a lonely dog, scarred and scared in an animal shelter. Ever heard of Ellen DeGeneres? Yeah, she gets it.

We Love Cuddling

Show me a lesbian who doesn’t love cuddling and I’ll show you a liar! Honestly, I personally love cuddling more than anything. I love cuddling more than sex. Okay, that’s not necessarily true –  but some days it sure feels that way. Dogs are the best species because they will cuddle all. damn. day. Kisses and cuddles: the way to a lesbian’s heart. (That might be the future name of my memoir).

Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images

Dogs Give Unconditional Love

Sometimes having to prove oneself is hard. We have to prove our love, our success and our sexuality. It’s a lot. Dogs don’t give a sh*t about any of that. A dog will always welcome you home whether or not you’re gayer than a softball coach dancing at an Indigo Girls concert. Come home with a femme, a dyke or a dude and your dog will never judge you. Well, maybe about the dude –  but probably not.

Dogs Bring Us Joy

Whether you’re a gay man or a woman, being queer can be tough. We all have days when being different isn’t always fun. It can hurt deep and it can bring us down. Dogs lift us way up! They make us feel special, bring us companionship and most importantly, make us smile. Dogs bring light and love into any household and we love them for it.

Kids Are A Lot  

Why bring kids into the picture if your relationship is already flawless? I can’t speak for everyone but my relationship feels great without children. That feeling may change in the next five or ten years but for now, I feel fine without the stress of a child. Also, what if I give birth to a straight, white male? That’s terrifying! All jokes aside, kids are great but dogs are generally better. A dog will never be embarrassed or ashamed of having lesbian moms either. Dogs most likely understand the great privilege of being raised by powerful lesbian moms. Although I don’t know any child embarrassed of his/her lesbian moms, it could happen and that deeply scares me.

Although all types of humans worship dogs, nobody knows the bond between a lesbian and her dog. Don’t believe me? Come over to my house and see for yourself.

Photo: Getty Images

And now let’s watch some pups in action.