Gillian Anderson doesn’t appreciate the pieces being penned about her sexuality so she took to her own blog to clear some things up. She started out by discussing her choice to “come out” about her relationship with a woman earlier in her life.
It was the first time I revealed this fact in a public forum, and I chose to do so for two reasons. One was that a woman whom I was in relationship with had died a few months beforehand and I felt, in the context of our conversation, it was safe and appropriate to bring it up. Many years beforehand, and well beyond our time together, this woman had called me out of the blue at the height of my television fame to say that she had been offered $60,000 by a tabloid to provide a picture of us together. At the time, for various reasons, not including shame, I did not want that information in the public domain and despite the fact that she was struggling to pay her rent, I asked her not to sell our story. She took what at the time I considered to be the high road. To this day I regret asking her to do that. That 60 grand would have had a greater positive effect on her life than a negative effect on mine. By discussing our relationship in Out, I felt like I was honoring her memory in some way simply by admitting its existence.
Wow. Taking a moment to process this, it appears Gillian’s ex granted her wishes to keep their relationship a secret, even when she was offered a large amount of money to be linked with a superstar. She must really have cared for Gillian, or just been a stand-up person. Those kinds of people are severely lacking today.
So imagine my dismay/horror/disgust to discover that after an interview with the London Sunday Times, interviewer #3 turned my brief response to yes, the same question, as motivation to turn the entire article into a lesbian impregnated specimen of veritable tabloid journalism. I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “fluid” in my life to describe my sexuality, nor would I be so stupid or selfish to count my four days with female friends over seven weeks of family holiday as my favorite part.
You can read the entire post over at her blog, but these sections are what really struck me. First, Gillian does not consider herself anything other than straight, it seems. Sure, she had a short-lived relationship with another woman, but she says in the interviews and on her own blog she’s never felt or considered herself gay. So we, then, should probably follow suit. I know we’re all ready to claim her and give ourselves a pat on the back for some awesome gaydar, but doesn’t it suck to feel like we’re not wanted?
On the other hand, it’s also kind of shitty. I mean, she is one of us, isn’t she? At some point in her life, she had feelings for another woman, whether it was four days or four years. It was real enough that the other woman had a chance to out her, and Gillian was scared enough to ask her not to. And Gillian did out herself eventually, and didn’t seem to mind the press surrounding it until a third interviewer pissed her off.
I’m happy that Gillian felt like she could finally be open about her relationship with a woman, and that she can get across, as she writes, “that a seemingly straight-laced almost middle aged woman with three children can be open and shame-free about her life and love experiences and it’s okay.” But she’s also regretting that she did so, perhaps because she doesn’t like that she can’t own it; she can’t prevent herself from being described with our language and labels and our attempts to find ourselves in her, or her in part of ourselves. “But what I’ve learned from this is that maybe it’s not,” Gillian writes about being “open and shame-free.” “It’s not possible to be honest through the siphon of another. It gets abused and misconstrued and silly me.”
But perhaps what she didn’t say speaks the loudest. Gillian didn’t make one mention of rumors she’s dating ex-X Files co-star David Duchovony, despite his people speaking out that it wasn’t true. That kind of gossip doesn’t seem to bother her much, does it?