“Grey’s Anatomy” recap: “Sleep Monster” (9.21)

Welcome to Grey’s Anatomy “Sleep Monster.” (After nine seasons creator Shonda Rhimes must be running out of clever episode titles.) This week Bailey is being investigated by the CDC (United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) because, last week, two of her patients died.

In the show’s opening V.O. Bailey explains, “Infections are like sleeping monsters. You can’t see them. You can’t feed them. But you must do everything in your power to contain them, because when the monsters wake up, they’re out of control”, hence the terrific name of this episode.

While Bailey is defending herself (and looking dapper) in the hospital’s boardroom, Meredith is trying to convince Cristina to witness her give birth. Cristina reminds Meredith that when some women give birth they “poop on the table.”

Cristina needs to read Taro Gomi’s masterpiece Everybody Poops.

Meredith pleads with her bff and Alex seconds Cristina’s pooping concern. Then there is the best dialogue from entire episode (possibly all season):

Cristina: (to Meredith) We’ve been friends a long time. Wanna know how? By not watching each other poop.
Alex: Holla!

These little moments remind me why I’ve been watching this show for nine seasons. And of course Cristina does in fact agree to be there for the birth Meredith’s baby.

But back to Alex, intern Jo tells him that she’s moving in with her new boyfriend. Alex calls Jo “an idiot” for moving so fast and repeatedly refers to the boyfriend as a “douche.” (Alex shouldn’t be calling anyone a douche.)

Then there’s April, who is moping around after her EMT boyfriend Matthew dumped her when she revealed she wasn’t a virgin after all. Looking for someone to blame April has the audacity to chew out Avery for taking her virginity. (Nice try April, but we all saw you throw your drunken virgin-ass at Avery back in season eight.)

Back to Bailey, she has been cotton swabbed (along with the rest of the staff) and shut out of the hospital’s system, so she can no longer monitor her patients, at least until her investigation is resolved. Bailey is forced to give the CDC rep a play by play of every single exact detail of the surgeries that she preformed on her infected patients. The hospital requires four-minutes of hand scrubbing before a surgery so Bailey reveals that she sings Aretha Franklin‘s “Think” in her head twice, which makes up exactly 4:36 before each and every surgery. (I would hum Sia’s “Breathe Me.”)

In other news, humdrum child actor Ethan returns from last week (this kid thespian is making some serious $ from ABC) and his family is still in critical condition. Luckily Owen is acting like Ethan’s makeshift family and lets the kid have the run of the hospital. Owen is way too involved with this child. Maybe Owen should enroll in NAMbLA?

Ethan’s dad is still unconscious but luckily his grandmother finally shows up to care for him. (Seriously Owen, back off now!)

In other family news, a slew of fingerless patients arrive after family reunion tug-of-war game went awry. I could care less about this storyline so all you need to know is they get all their fingers reattached and their family dynamics are exactly the same as they were before the incident.

Now back to Owen and his boy-crush. Ethan is hanging out with his mother when she has a seizure. Derek races her off to an ER but she doesn’t make it and dies in the hospital elevator. Owen now has to tell his Ethan that his mother is dead. (Ethan’s grandmother should be delivering this life-changing news, don’t you think?) Ethan handles the devastating news surprisingly well. (Seriously, I think I was more upset than Ethan was.)

Back to Bailey, Richard is now handling her patients until the CDC investigation is resolved. As Bailey turns the hospital corner to check in on her patient’s status (which she shouldn’t be doing) she overhears Richard throwing her under the bus. Richard tells the patients family that the hospital is not the issue, Bailey is. Richard claims that the infection, “came from one doctor and one doctor alone.”

After hearing Richard’s hurtful comments Bailey demands to know the results of her staph infection test. Bailey busts into a closed-door hospital board/CDC meeting and finds out that yes she is in fact is a carrier of staph but she wasn’t to blame in the death of her patients. After Bailey gets put through the ringer the CDC determines that faulty surgical gloves are to blame. Back during the Pegasus transition the hospital changed glove manufacturers and the gloves were defective. The Grey Sloan staff seems relieved at this news but Bailey is still understandably upset and storms off.

At the end of a long day Richard sits down with Bailey outside the hospital and they have an explosive conversation.

Richard: It could have happened to anyone of us Bailey. We’ll get you treated, get you cleared.
Bailey: I killed two patients.
Richard: No. You didn’t know. You scrubbed properly, you gloved.

Then Richard tells Bailey that the patient he was caring for also died which causes Bailey to fall apart.

Richard tries to comfort her and Bailey snaps, “Now you want to help me? Where were you when my patient was alive when I could have helped him? You shut me out. You left me!”

Richard: Bailey I was trying to protect you.
Bailey: No, no the hospital! You were trying to protect the hospital it’s all that matters to you. I don’t know why I’m so surprised. Adele complained about that every time I saw her. I protected you I made excuses to her for you. I stood by you!
Richard: Bailey!
Bailey: No, you were a drunk. You were operating on your patients drunk and I stood by you and I expected the same for you. I deserved it, I earned it but all you care about — (crying) You are not who I thought you were.

Bailey leaves and I pick my mouth off the floor. I did not see this coming, did you?

Back inside the hospital Avery decides he doesn’t want to be the April’s sex-scapegoat any longer. He tells April that he doesn’t regret having sex with her.

Then Matthew comes crawling back right as the sparks begin to fly between April and Avery. (But who are we kidding did April and Avery ever really have chemistry?) Avery heads off and April and Matthew are once again boring and back together.

In the final moments of the show Alex knocks on Cristina’s bedroom door as she’s reading in bed.

Alex: You were right about Jo.
Cristina: Of course I was. What did I say again?
Alex: Forget it.
Cristina: Alex?
Alex: I’m such and idiot. I love her.

Cristina flags Alex over to sit on the bed with her. Alex obliges.

Alex: I always screw myself out of everything good.
Cristina: I think I’m losing Owen. Not today, soon.

Not soon enough for me.

What did you think of this episode? Would you watch your friend give birth and poop on the table? And where the fuck was Calzona this week?