Notes on a Fandom is a column dedicated to lesbian/bi fandom in its various incarnations. It also feature thoughts and comments from you, the fans. Follow @DanaPiccoli on Twitter and Tumblr to keep up with the latest topics and questions.
It’s been a rough road lately for fangirls. In just the last few months, Brittana broke up, Bomb Girls was cancelled, Doccubus is on the rocks-ubus, Arizona cheated death then cheated on Callie, and Joss Whedon killed off Tara. Wait, sorry, that was 12 years ago. A fangirl’s memory is long, Joss. Long and vivid.
Anyway, to say that a case of the Fangirl Blues is going around is an understatement. I spend a lot of time reading your tweets and Tumblr pages, trying to get a real sense the emotional fallout of being a fan. As a fan myself, I have my own personal perspective, and I’d like to share in the hope that maybe it helps you deal with your feels.
1. Don’t worry about those who say, “It’s not real.”
You know what? Nothing ticks me off more than when people say this. It insults the intelligence of fangirls across the world. Yes, 99.9% of us know that Santana Lopez does not really exist. (This is a damn shame, but I digress.) What are real however, are the feelings that you are experiencing. We don’t watch television or movies just to look at the pretty pictures. We don’t read books and listen to music only because it fills the time. We do it because it makes us feel. Big, beautiful, scary feelings. So go ahead and feel. Feel like your heart is bursting, and don’t let anyone shame you about it.
Famous gay playwright and feeler of feels, Oscar Wilde once said, “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.” I tend to go with Oscar in this notion. Great art makes us long for something we can hold in our hands. It’s not just about the characters we love. It’s how they remind us of our humanity. Perhaps Paige McCullers made you feel safe to come out, or Callie and Arizona’s struggle helped you open up in your own relationship. Whatever the case, own those feelings. They are deeper and more connected to who you are than you even realize.
2. Talk to your fellow fangirls.
I’ve always thought that lesbians are the fiercest of fans. Millions of teenage girls may disagree with me and flood my inbox with Spoby memes, but hear me out. Lesbian fans are the fiercest because we have the most to lose. We only have a fraction of the characters and storylines that straight audiences do. Also, as lesbians, we get attached easily. Come on, the U-Haul jokes exist for a reason and I’ve got a coupon if you need it. So, use your community of fellow fans on Tumblr and Twitter to talk it out. Now that Twitter has become part of our collective watching experience, there is never a reason to be isolated in your joy and/or anguish.
Think you are alone in your crazy? Nope. Never. Make new friends. Yes, they are real friends even if you never get to meet them in person. Who knows, you may even meet your own Betty McRae while hashtagging away to Save Bomb Girls.
@danapiccoli fanfics and group mourning on tumblr
– Sabrina Kay (@babyjoeysk) May 18, 2013
3. Create.
@danapiccoli alternating fluffy fanfics w/ super angsty ones. Then drink. Rinse & repeat until I need to reconsider my life choices & detox
– Kait Rizzo (@KaitRizzo) May 19, 2013
@danapiccoli Read and/or write fanfic, preferably happy or funny fanfic! Also moral support from Twitter friends. 🙂
– Diane Nowlan (@JustTrulySo) May 19, 2013
I talk about fan fiction often in this column, because I think it’s such a vital and creative part of the fandom experience. I think fan fiction is a really constructive and positive way to deal with fan feelings. It’s not about disrespecting the narrative. It’s about continuing your emotional arc. In addition to fanfic, fans come up with the most amazing ways to express themselves. I’ve seen fan art, gifsets, and fan videos that actually brought tears to my eyes. The love and care that goes into any of these creations comes from the heart. You’d be amazed how much better you feel when you channel all those feels into something creative. Make a music mix, cry it out. Bust out your Photoshop skills and create something that will have fellow fans laughing in spite of ourselves.
4. Flail with respect.
Fangirls sometimes get a bad rep because a small percentage of us have a difficult time dealing with their shit. Don’t be one of those fans. Those fans are why we can’t have nice things. While I’m sure that I don’t need to say this to any of you, dear readers, but it’s not OK to threaten to asphyxiate an actress because her character cheated on her wife. You just can’t go around cursing out Shonda Rhimes or Ryan Murphy and expect to be treated like your voice deserves to be heard. Right now, our voices are being heard, and I think we can all agree that we would like it to stay that way. We don’t always get what we want, but as a community of gay fans, we get a chance to be a part of influencing our entertainment. The anonymity of the internet provides people opportunities to act out in ways they would never dream of in their daily life. Rise above fangirls. Flail with purpose and heart.
5. Move on.
“How can I move on, Dana?” you say. “I have so much invested in this god forsaken fandom!” I get it. You are talking to a person who likes to pretend Buffy ended after “Once More with Feeling.” The thing is we have a lot to look forward to. New characters and stories that can fill the void, and maybe bring a little joy back into our empty, wounded, fangirl hearts. I for one, plan on falling deeply in love with The Fosters. True Blood is coming back, and with it, vamp lady loving. The Killing is introducing a new, intense lesbian character that is bound to have a lot of depth. Pretty Little Liars is mere weeks away. So take a chance on something new, or at least open yourself to the possibility that being a fangirl can be fun again.
Finally, fangirls, please know you have an ally in me. I am honored to be able to write about the world of fandom and I’m proud to be a fangirl, even in our ugly-cry moments. I invite you to send me your thoughts, your ideas, links to your creations. This column is about you and your world. We will get through the rough times together. As always, flail on fangirl, flail on.
Biweekly, Notes on a Fandom will feature a different fandom-centric topic. Stay tuned to my Twitter (@danapiccoli) and Tumblr for updates. I’ll also be looking for your input to include in future columns. Tweet me your thoughts on what you’d like to see covered with the hashtag #notesfandom, and send me links to your Tumblr.
