“Mistresses” recap (1.04): Lady Loving Lips

Previously on Mistresses, Karen got lost in a flashback and left her sunglasses for her lover’s son to find, April had baby mama drama, Savi found out she was pregnant, and Joss flirted with her new lesbian friend Alex because flirting is how she communicates. And Alex is hot.

I would like to open this recap by putting Karen in a time out. Here’s why: This week, she finds Sam’s wallet in her car (which I’m SURE was an accident) and when she goes to return it to him, ends up agreeing to have dinner at the ex-sex-den, and wines and dines with him until finally he kisses her goodbye. When she claims he misread the signals and leaves, he uses his angry arms to dramatically send everything on the table crashing to the floor. Karen is going to get herself murdered by her ex-lover’s son who is half her age because she couldn’t take Savi’s simple advice to STAY THE EFF AWAY. This is unacceptable behavior and she is banned from being mentioned in the rest of the recap. She can return next week if she gets her act together.

On to the fun stuff. The episode opens with Joss literally flouncing into Savi and Harry’s kitchen.

She’s going hiking with Alex and sticks up for her when Harry asks if that’s her new lesbian friend. Joss says there’s more to Alex than her being a lesbian, and that’s not the reason they’re friends, and Harry points out the very good point that all of Joss’s friends aren’t actually Joss’s friends, but Savi’s.

Speaking of Savi, she’s at the doctor’s office, where it is confirmed that she is pregnant. She’s not quite as happy as the doctor expected her to be, but she writes it off as being in shock that it finally happened.

At the coffee shop for their morning venting session, the girls notice Savi is being weird. Savi waits until Joss leaves for her hike with Alex to tell the other two that she’s pregnant. April gets excited, but the therapist catches on more quickly. Sweet, beautiful April has Sweet Marley Rose amounts of optimism and is sure that the baby is Harry’s. Savi is less convinced.

On their hike, Joss is having a hard time keeping up with Alex. Alex is surprised, because she has been checking out Joss’s body and she looks pretty damn in shape to anyone with eyes. Joss says it’s really more of a metabolism thing as she makes dying on a rock look glamorous.

A guy runs by and not-so-subtly checks out Joss and Alex wonders why she barely batted an eye. Since Joss doesn’t realize it’s because she only has eyes for Alex, she says he’s not her type. Alex tells her that back when she was still hooking up with guys, he would have been. Joss is floored by this news – she has only known Alex the Lesbian, she never considered her pre-lesbian stages. Alex takes this opportunity to ask her new friend if she was a switch-hitter, but Joss has only participated in threesomes. Never a girlfriend…or really many girl friends, for that matter. She shares this news as casually as one might admit they’ve never had a mango on its own, only when it was mixed in fruit salad. Not that mango was gross or that she ever wanted a mango but was afraid to try it. She’s just never had a mango of her own. No big deal.

This casual recap of their sexual histories is interrupted by Alex’s wife, an intense jogger who immediately notices the tag on Joss’s exercise top. She ends their little break and forces them to jog on, full-force.

Across town, April is served paternity papers saying the tiny toddler is definitely her dead husband’s, and that his estate is going to be sued for child support if she doesn’t settle ASAP.

After running for a while, Sally finally lets the girls take a break. Alex goes off to get some water, leaving Sally alone with Joss. The feisty blonde is grateful that Alex finally has a friend of her own, because it keeps her busy. You see, Alex only works three days a week, while Sally is just SO important and SO busy, it’s nice that her woman is occupied in her absence, so she doesn’t get too bored. Ugh. Sally is the worst. Joss thinks so, too.

Back at Savi’s office, April is in full-blown panic-mode. Savi still thinks it’s a scam and wants to handle this in court to make sure it’s legit. April is hesitant because she’s still set on keeping her husband’s infidelity from her daughter.

April meets Miranda the Mistress and Little Scotty Snow (Stone? Flowers? I don’t know where he’s from, I just know he was baseborn.) in a coffee shop. While she’s giving her sob story about how Paul promised to leave his wife for her, Miranda neglects Scotty and he falls off a chair. At the hospital, April takes care of the insurance so that Mistress Miranda could be with her son, despite suspecting her of being a fraud, because April has a heart as gold as her eyes.