Previously on Mistresses, Karen got lost in a flashback and left her sunglasses for her lover’s son to find, April had baby mama drama, Savi found out she was pregnant, and Joss flirted with her new lesbian friend Alex because flirting is how she communicates. And Alex is hot.
I would like to open this recap by putting Karen in a time out. Here’s why: This week, she finds Sam’s wallet in her car (which I’m SURE was an accident) and when she goes to return it to him, ends up agreeing to have dinner at the ex-sex-den, and wines and dines with him until finally he kisses her goodbye. When she claims he misread the signals and leaves, he uses his angry arms to dramatically send everything on the table crashing to the floor. Karen is going to get herself murdered by her ex-lover’s son who is half her age because she couldn’t take Savi’s simple advice to STAY THE EFF AWAY. This is unacceptable behavior and she is banned from being mentioned in the rest of the recap. She can return next week if she gets her act together.
On to the fun stuff. The episode opens with Joss literally flouncing into Savi and Harry’s kitchen.
She’s going hiking with Alex and sticks up for her when Harry asks if that’s her new lesbian friend. Joss says there’s more to Alex than her being a lesbian, and that’s not the reason they’re friends, and Harry points out the very good point that all of Joss’s friends aren’t actually Joss’s friends, but Savi’s.
Speaking of Savi, she’s at the doctor’s office, where it is confirmed that she is pregnant. She’s not quite as happy as the doctor expected her to be, but she writes it off as being in shock that it finally happened.
At the coffee shop for their morning venting session, the girls notice Savi is being weird. Savi waits until Joss leaves for her hike with Alex to tell the other two that she’s pregnant. April gets excited, but the therapist catches on more quickly. Sweet, beautiful April has Sweet Marley Rose amounts of optimism and is sure that the baby is Harry’s. Savi is less convinced.
On their hike, Joss is having a hard time keeping up with Alex. Alex is surprised, because she has been checking out Joss’s body and she looks pretty damn in shape to anyone with eyes. Joss says it’s really more of a metabolism thing as she makes dying on a rock look glamorous.
A guy runs by and not-so-subtly checks out Joss and Alex wonders why she barely batted an eye. Since Joss doesn’t realize it’s because she only has eyes for Alex, she says he’s not her type. Alex tells her that back when she was still hooking up with guys, he would have been. Joss is floored by this news — she has only known Alex the Lesbian, she never considered her pre-lesbian stages. Alex takes this opportunity to ask her new friend if she was a switch-hitter, but Joss has only participated in threesomes. Never a girlfriend…or really many girl friends, for that matter. She shares this news as casually as one might admit they’ve never had a mango on its own, only when it was mixed in fruit salad. Not that mango was gross or that she ever wanted a mango but was afraid to try it. She’s just never had a mango of her own. No big deal.
This casual recap of their sexual histories is interrupted by Alex’s wife, an intense jogger who immediately notices the tag on Joss’s exercise top. She ends their little break and forces them to jog on, full-force.
Across town, April is served paternity papers saying the tiny toddler is definitely her dead husband’s, and that his estate is going to be sued for child support if she doesn’t settle ASAP.
After running for a while, Sally finally lets the girls take a break. Alex goes off to get some water, leaving Sally alone with Joss. The feisty blonde is grateful that Alex finally has a friend of her own, because it keeps her busy. You see, Alex only works three days a week, while Sally is just SO important and SO busy, it’s nice that her woman is occupied in her absence, so she doesn’t get too bored. Ugh. Sally is the worst. Joss thinks so, too.
Back at Savi’s office, April is in full-blown panic-mode. Savi still thinks it’s a scam and wants to handle this in court to make sure it’s legit. April is hesitant because she’s still set on keeping her husband’s infidelity from her daughter.
April meets Miranda the Mistress and Little Scotty Snow (Stone? Flowers? I don’t know where he’s from, I just know he was baseborn.) in a coffee shop. While she’s giving her sob story about how Paul promised to leave his wife for her, Miranda neglects Scotty and he falls off a chair. At the hospital, April takes care of the insurance so that Mistress Miranda could be with her son, despite suspecting her of being a fraud, because April has a heart as gold as her eyes.
Joss once again meanders into the Davis kitchen, finding Savi there this time. Joss asks her sister for advice on how to tell Alex that Sally is kind of the worst and that they should probably break up. Savi tells Joss it’s not her business and starts to project, telling her little sister that some people can work THROUGH relationship problems, and not everyone bails when things get tough like she does. Harsh, Sav. Harsh.
Alex and Joss meet up at a swanky party. Sally flaked, and Alex hates going to these things alone. Sensing a bit of normalcy in her tone, Joss asks if this happens a lot. Alex quickly takes the blame for Sally bailing, saying she should know better than to RSVP yes to things on weekdays and quickly changes the subject. When pointing out the hostess and her girlfriend, Joss realizes this is sort of a lesbian party and is excited to be a straight girl at a lesbian party — she says she feels like she has a “dirty little secret.” Alex flirts back and says that based on their conversations, it sounds like Joss has a lot of secrets.
Joss disappears to get them drinks and Alex is approached by a behatted lesbian whose pick-up lines are not nearly as awesome as her outfit. Alex tries to play it cool but when Joss returns she can sense Alex’s discomfort. Without skipping a beat, Joss pretends to be Alex’s girlfriend and calls her Ally-bear before kissing her square on the mouth.
Alex panics and says “don’t” and scurries away, which is the opposite of what you’re supposed to do when Joss kisses you. Joss is genuinely concerned/confused because, not having had many girl friends, let alone lesbians friends, she doesn’t get that she just added like three hours of processing to Alex’s already busy evening with one simple kiss.
When Mistress Miranda returns to the waiting room with her broken baby, she finds April waiting there, to make sure they’re okay. The Mistress is surprised that April is so nice, given their situation, because superbitches expect everyone else to be superbitches, too. As it turns out, April SHOULD have been a superbitch, because, in a secret meeting, the lawyer that served April papers gives Miranda his card we find out he’s not a real lawyer at all, just an actor.
Meanwhile, Savi is back at the doctor, inquiring about how and when they can do paternity testing…and whether it can be done stealthily. Fortunately, this doctor did a stint in Pine Valley and happens to be a master of secret paternity testing. All he needs is some DNA, however she can obtain it.
In the Kitchen of Feelings again, Joss is lamenting to Harry that she messed up her brand new best-friendship with Alex with a fake makeout. She says she hasn’t been able to keep a female friend since grade school and her brother-in-law gives her a pity grilled cheese. Harry tries to offer brotherly advice by saying, “If you ever bothered to think before you act…” but Joss interrupts with the truest of truths and says, “Then I wouldn’t be me.”
Never change, Joss. You impulsive free spirit.
A knock on the door interrupts their conversation — it’s a teary-eyed Alex, there to see Joss. Harry disappears into the background, leaving the girls to talk about why Alex looks so distraught. Sally and Alex have just had a huge fight and Alex didn’t know where else to go. Joss hugs her tight and tells her it’s okay.
In Savi’s office, Dom is thanking her for blowing off court and getting him back on the case she got him kicked off of. She assures him she did not do it on purpose. This court case storyline isn’t super relevant except that Savi looks AMAZING.
The next morning, Joss brings Alex breakfast in bed and tells her that she can stay there as long as she wants to. She also asks if the fight had anything to do with her. Alex admits that it did have everything to do with her — their new friendship gave Alex a new insight into her relationship, she saw it through different eyes, through Joss’s eyes. Joss hurriedly tells her that her eyes are stupid and not to listen but Alex tells her that she was right all along, that Sally wasn’t treating her right and she shouldn’t put up with it. She tells Joss she’s a good friend and Joss perks up like a puppy who just heard the word “treat.” Literally the cutest thing.
In the main house, Savi watches a half-naked Harry shave and then starts vaguely apologizing for things. It’s really a miracle Harry can’t tell she’s hiding something, between the spontaneous vacation and the “will you always love me?” conversation. He is oblivious, though, so he just heads off to work like it was a normal morning and Savi takes the opportunity to steal his razor.
Next week, Karen better go find Handsome Jacob or she’s out of another recap, and things get steamy between Alex and Joss. Get excited.
Here are some of our favorite #HomoWrecker tweets from this week:
I love how Joss enters a room #homowrecker
– Anne-Nicole Hanus (@anhanus) June 25, 2013
Is it bad that I really hope Alex and Josslyn do more than just hook up? I just hope they stay together. #HomoWrecker #Mistresses
– Harley (@HarHar91) June 25, 2013
The only straight one. Yeah, sure, Joss. Keep telling yourself that. #Mistresses #homowrecker @jesmacallan
– Carolyn (@adrblepancreas) June 25, 2013
More proof for my “Every Emily is Gay” theory #homowrecker
– Andy (@aranthur) June 25, 2013
I thought SamFinn was going to kick a chair. #HomoWrecker #seriouslyheisSUCHaFinnHudson
– Kitty (@SmartLittleLiar) June 25, 2013
@SAfricaphotog Thats how it should be!!
– Jes Macallan (@jesmacallan) June 25, 2013
Right this is the same lady who delivered Hanna’s raspberry flirtini? http://t.co/zsw15wUQgC #HomoWrecker #BooRadleyVanCullen
– Allison (@peachesTECH) June 25, 2013
Shut your lady loving lips! (No joke here. Just fun to say). #HomoWrecker
– Elizabeth D-V (@324_B21) June 25, 2013
Oh, Joss, don’t you know as the straight friend you don’t kiss lesbians unless you mean…to shower w/ them next week. Carry on #HomoWrecker
– Caryn K. Hayes (@CarynGotThis) June 25, 2013
What did you think of “A Kiss Is Just A Kiss”?
