“Weeds” mini-cap: It’s hard being the Head Cheese

In the episode “Head Cheese,” we finally come to find out Nancy’s line in the sand — child exploitation, semiautomatic weapons and non-leafy narcotics. (And all along I naively thought Doug and Andy were going to misuse the tunnel to operate their illegal coyote business. Silly me, that would be chump change.) Frankly, with all the stuff that’s actually being trafficked through the tunnel, Doug and Andy’s immigrants couldn’t even fit! It must feel like L.A. at rush hour down there.

Now, if I had to pick a cheese to represent Nancy since moving to Ren Mar, I’d have to pick Swiss cheese because the woman has been acting like she has holes in her head all season. But, viva la Ayuasca! The drug has caused some clarity.

The morning after the Ayuasca trip, Nancy tunes into Shane and the Groupies’ inane chatter over Pop-Tarts and starts asking questions about the coed slumber party. The Groupies quickly bail when Nancy gets closer to the truth that anatomy and biology were the cornerstones of the science project.

Nancy yells at Judah for leaving her alone to raise the kids. (I doubt Judah would have died if he had known that selling drugs was the Botwin future.) Anyway, Nancy in anger and frustration feebly spanks Shane with a newspaper when he tells her that her pretending-to-be-a-concerned-mother act is annoying. I’m guessing that Shane’s truth hurt Nancy way more than Nancy’s flimsy newspaper hurt his rear end.

Nancy then heads to work where her life isn’t any better. In spite of being told by the office guard not to interfere, she purposely tips over some large crates to see that some wicked-looking guns are being sent from the U.S. into Mexico through the tunnel. Later, she confronts Esteban over all that’s being trafficked through the store. Esteban cops to most of it (narcotics and guns) but he says that he knows nothing of any young girls being trafficked. I want to believe him but I can’t. Can you?

Nancy later sees Guillermo bringing three new young girls through the tunnel. The girls are obviously scared, and Nancy, especially after dealing with her own 13-year-old kid’s sexual encounter, finally feels the need to act. Is it possible that Nancy has had enough of the illegal drug business? I don’t know, but she really throws a wrench in her future drug dealings. She meets with Capt. Till and gives him info on the tunnel. Goodness, I’m scared for her! Not too many folks know about that tunnel. How is she going to look innocent in this to Esteban?

Throughout the episode, while Nancy struggles with the perils of the drug business, we see that Silas is now finding his footing. In the-apple-doesn’t-fall-far-from-the-tree news, Silas and Lisa begin selling a marijuana-stuffed sandwich under the code name Head Cheese from the cheese shop. Head Cheese, of course, really isn’t cheese at all so the name gave me the giggles. The business is actually a little too successful. The sandwiches are attracting stoners far and wide. It also attracts a food critic that mistakenly is sold the Head Cheese sandwich. Lisa then insults the guy over his weight as a way to get him not to buy the sandwich. Can you say bad press ahead? Anyway, the foodie tells Silas that his mother (Lisa) is a bitch. Ouch.

Silas knows that he has a great product, but not a great business plan. He asks his real mother for help. He wants her to partner with him in to his drug operation. She gives him the been-there, done-that speech, but when Silas tells Nancy that Lisa said that Nancy would say no, it makes Nancy reconsider the offer. Jealous, much, Nancy? Nah — OK, maybe a little! Just when you think that maybe Nancy had enough of the “life” she can’t seem to completely let it go. So what will come of Silas’ requests?

Oh, and Doug and Maria hit a rough patch. They simply aren’t compatible. At all. Maria’s really sweet and Doug is, well, he’s Doug. Which means he’s an idiot. He’s crass. He’s obnoxious. He’s rude. He’s an embezzler. His family hates him and he’s wanted by the police. Not exactly the person one would envision as one’s American dreamboat. We can all see where this story is going, El Andy saving Maria from Doug for himself?

The best news of the episode is Celia is finally in rehab. Unfortunately, she lied about having health insurance, and gets booted out of the trendy, upscale, kumbaya detox center and is reassigned to the seedy, raggedy-ass, just-keepin’-it-real detox center. It’s L.A. County jail all over again for Celia. Poor Celia was only on the second step of her 12-step program when she was told to get to steppin’ to the other side of the tracks! Regardless of the treatment facility, I sure hope she can stay sober because drugged-out zombie Celia hurts my heart.

There are just two more episodes left in this season. Nancy has just two more attempts to tidy up this incredible mess of a life that she’s created. Of course, there’s always next season — that is, if she can survive the fallout of being a stool pigeon.