Styled out: Going green, gay lady style

According to most of America, gay boys are the only homosexuals who possess any taste when it comes to styling or interior decorating. We gay women have been branded as handy, conventional — even frugal.

While I don’t mind many of the labels associated with my gayness, I am understandably offended when lumped into the category of being unfashionable. Gays have become more and more prominent in mainstream media in recent years, which is a huge step socially. However, look who they chose to represent “us” in the world of supposed high style:

Honey Labrador. Why, God, why? She falls into every stereotypical category of generic lesbian — with the exception of possibly wearing more eyeliner for the camera. It not only horrified me when she made her debut on Queer Eye for the Straight Girl in 2005, but it’s even scarier to think she’s still pretty much the “face” of lesbians with style (even though the show has been off the air since last October).

There’s this whole trend of “going green” and becoming innovative with new ways to reduce, reuse and recycle. On one level, I’m glad that becoming more environmental is considered trendy because, unfortunately, to sensationalize something is usually the best way to get America’s attention. Producers are likely to be all over their gay-boy designer friends in the blink of an eye about the latest trends, so I’d like to take this opportunity to jump the gun and throw some of my ideas out there on how to be a stylish yet environmentally conscious gay lady.

To be wholly stylish is to have your own touch reflected in your home as well as on your person. Lesbians, my friends, have been ahead of this influx for years. Take your Portland jokes and eat ’em, Carson Kressley — we’re totally in the now.

One way to make recycling a “win-win” situation is to take your old T-shirts that you just can’t bear to part with (cough Righteous Babe T-shirt cough) and make rags out of them. It’s sure to make cleaning a cuter and more reminiscent experience. You can think about your first teenage love as you polish your candlesticks and picture frames with your beloved (now) vintage tee.

Tired of U-Haul jokes as you’re getting ready to take the plunge and move in with your girlfriend? Use old magazines to wrap glass and other breakables. Thanks to our society’s vigorous exploitation of women, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have beautiful ladies looking out at you as you wrap and unpack, regardless of which editorials you may subscribe to.

Instead of spending money on wrapping paper, use your favorite articles and ads to wrap gifts. It’s not only sharing the wealth of what you had previously discovered, it’s certainly saving a tree branch or two. Top it off with ribbons, and it looks like you’re the most creative and earth-friendly girl in the room. It may also get you a date.

See, lesbians have good tips on how to be “with it” without all the shiny button-ups and flashy lingo. Whatever, gay-boys-trying-to-steal-all-the-thunder. We’ve had this going green thing handled for years. Style and practicality are totally fused.