An open letter to Megan Fox regarding Wonder Woman

Dear Megan,

I hope you don’t mind the first name familiarity, but I do feel like we have achieved a certain level of, well, intimacy.

Let me start by saying this, Megan: You are quite lovely to look at. Dark hair and light eyes are a particular weakness of mine and I truly appreciate your willingness to show the world all you have to offer.

I will be forever grateful for your telling GQ about your crush on Olivia Wilde. I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself thinking, as you did, that Wilde “is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.” You’re a poet, Megan, my dear.

And I’ve been looking forward to seeing you in Diablo Cody’s upcoming movie, Jennifer’s Body. Diablo said that you’re darkly funny in the role — and I like the way she thinks.

But a word of advice: If you want to stay on the Top 100 lists of the world, you really must learn to think before you speak. Actually, perhaps the safest thing would be not to speak at all. Because, frankly, right now the only thing I want to hear from you is an apology for calling Wonder Woman lame.

Perhaps FHM misunderstood, but the magazine said you were adamant that you would never play Diana in the WW live action movie, saying, “She’s lame. She flies around in an invisible jet, but she’s not invisible. I don’t get it.”

Don’t get it? Have you even read Wonder Woman? Everybody knows that part of the power of the crystal jet is that when it shifts into invisible mode, the occupants inside become invisible, too. This is WW 101. Sure, in the TV series, we sometimes saw a kind of goofy image of a fully visible Wonder Woman flying a see-through plane, but obviously, the jet was in transparent mode, not invisible mode.

Still, that’s not the point. The real problem is disparaging Wonder Woman, the DC Universe’s Number 1. Best. Female. Superhero. Ever.

I don’t have to defend Wonder Woman. In fact, if you’ve forgotten her awesomeness, you need look no further than I realize you probably are disappointed that the movie keeps slipping into development limbo, especially after all of the PR you got from a Photoshop-skilled fan.

But the truth, Megan, is that Wonder Woman has been around since the 40s, demonstrating the power of womanhood, sisterhood and self-confidence to generations of fans. And she’ll be around long after your own fame has faded into invisible mode.

I hope we can still be friends, Megan. But if I have to choose, I’m afraid the Amazon Princess will win every time.