Girl Scouts are learning from lesbians and feminists

For every dollar you spent on Girl Scout cookies last year, you kicked a small child into a pit of debauchery, reports World Net Daily in their exposé “Girl Scouts Exposed: Lessons in Lesbianism.” While you were shoving Thin Mint after Tagalong after Samoa into your mouth, Girl Scout leaders were turning their long-respected program into a full-blown “sexuality camp.”

WND — a super-fundamentalist news site dedicated to folks who occasionally find Fox News too liberal — posted an incensed review of the new Girl Scout curriculum this week, spitting out “lesbian,” “feminist,” “pacifist,” “activist” and “existentialist” as if an optimal combination of those words would revoke a woman’s right to vote and cause the LGBT community to implode.

When I first created this image, it was 666 pixels wide. Coincidence? Obviously not.

First, WND exposed the radical agenda of Amaze and GirlTopia, workbooks for younger Girl Scouts. Take for example the way GirlTopia advises kids to let evil music into their ears.

“Girltopia” encourages girls to “let songs inspire you,” and as some examples, it provides lyrics to songs such as “Independent Women, part 1” by Destiny’s Child; “Hammer and a Nail” by the Indigo Girls — an “out” lesbian rock band; and “Imagine” by John Lennon. The curriculum also asks girls to create an avatar “to represent the ideal you in Girltopia” and features “Wild Geese,” a short poem by lesbian poet Mary Oliver.

Kids, this is what lesbians look like in the wild.
Remember, you’re more scared of them than they are of you.

The most derision, however, was reserved for Your Voice Your World: The Power of Advocacy, the Girl Scout curriculum for high school juniors and seniors.

First strike: it encourages women to speak out against totally acceptable things like racism, child poverty and global warming.

Second strike: it lists 50 women to look up to, including “out” lesbian tennis phenoms Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova; “out” lesbian composer and women’s suffrage advocate Ethel Mary Smyth; alleged lesbian Frances Perkins, the first woman appointed to the U.S. Cabinet and one of the author’s of Roosevelt’s New Deal; alleged lesbian Rachel Carson, environmental protection activist; “out” lesbian congresswoman Barbara Jordan; and honorary gaymo Bette Midler.

Third strike: Radical agenda-maker Hillary Clinton was a Girl Scout and a Brownie.

Billie Jean King likes Thin Mints, while Hillary Clinton prefers Do-Si-Dos.

WND asked Girl Scout spokeswoman Michelle Tompkins why “Girl Scouts USA has chosen to focus on lesbians, radical feminists and controversial figures as role models instead of other significant female pioneers.”

I could give you Tomkins’ answer, or I could pull a Hermione Granger (another damn activist in a book about magic/Satan worship) and just answer it myself.

The reason the Girl Scouts featured lesbians and feminists in their literature is because it was lesbians and feminists who brought us women’s suffrage, equal pay, women’s sports at a collegiate and professional level, worldwide diplomatic efforts and — this is not a stretch — the actual thing we know as the weekend. (See: U.S. labor history, communist party.)

I’m sure that you, like me, are shocked by the information uncovered by WND. We always thought little league softball fields were the recruiting grounds for lesbians, when all along it’s been the Girl Scouts. Must be the draw of the uniforms — and the cookies.