Ask a Femme: Butches, this is how to make your place ready for a sleepover

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I get it. If you’re a butch lesbian, it can be stressful the first time a femme sleeps over or the first time a new femme sleeps over. We’re a different breed. I know. I am one. I can’t speak for all of us, for sure. But I think I can speak for a wide swath of us when I say we like our creature comforts. No. We love, we need, our creature comforts.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I love butch girls. Love them. So don’t think for a minute that I see butches as slackers or dirty or unprepared or slobs or anything of the like. These are just words to the wise. Femmes and butches can be very different, which is what makes us so kick ass when we come together. And knowing what makes one another tick is what makes the real magic.

Femmes and butches can be very different, which is what makes us so kick ass when we come together. And knowing what makes one another tick is what makes the real magic.

One of the sexiest things in the world is thoughtfulness. When you know someone is thinking about you, really thinking about you and what makes you happy, nothing is hotter – except maybe a girl on a tractor… But I digress. The point is that if your femme knows you took the time to make her feel like she’s in her home away from home, she’s likely to not be able to keep her hands off of you. And your femme’s attention is what you want, after all.

There are some things a girl simply cannot do without. In fact, if somewhere a femme is planning to stay doesn’t have certain things, she just might make a new plan for where to stay. Don’t worry. It’s not complicated. It’s not expensive. It’s not even rocket science. So you might already be all set or at least say to yourself “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”

But like my dad always says, “Better safe than sorry.” So, in the name of being prepared, here’s a list of what all the things you should have on hand if you’re hoping your femme will not only stay the night, but will want to come back for a repeat performance in the very near future.

All things clean and tidy 

Ok. This isn’t an item. But it is really important just the same. When you have houseguests, your digs should always be in tip top shape. But this goes double when a femme is your guest du jour. Try to look at your home as if it were a hotel or a property you were about to buy. Are the surfaces clean and dust free from table tops and counters to floors and rugs? Are the bathroom and kitchen shiny and sanitized? Is the bedroom inviting? Is the living room welcoming? Comfort is very much about things being clean and safe. Make sure your place is both.

Bathing beauties 

The bathroom is where things can go really wrong when it comes to having a femme under your roof. Really wrong. First tip, be sure you have plenty of toilet paper on hand both on the holder and in close proximity should more be needed. And spring for the good stuff. Trust me on that one.

Next up, the bathroom basket. Have one. Fill it with make-up wipes; lip balm (new!); razor; toothbrush and toothpaste; mini shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodorant, and moisturizer; and tissues. She will be so grateful that you thought ahead and considered her needs. And with all of those goodies on hand, there’s no need for her to rush off any time soon…

Light ‘em up, light ‘em up 

Candles. These aren’t required, but they sure are nice. They create a lovely ambiance and, perhaps even better, a yummy smell if you pick the right one. Stick to something simple like vanilla and don’t go too perfumey or out there. You’ll be amazed at how far a good smell can go in terms of creating just the right mood.

Sweet sheets 

They don’t have to be expensive. But they do need to be just washed and super soft. A tidily made bed is an inviting bed. You want your bed to be a place of safety and comfort as much as you want it to be the place for all things sexy. Great linens go a long way toward creating an environment she’ll love to love you in.

Nightstand prep 

Make sure there’s a phone charger on her side of the bed, along with a bottled water and a light of some sort, even if it’s a flash light. There’s nothing worse than having to go bump in the night to get to the bathroom and though she’ll likely have her phone there, don’t count on it just in case.

Kitchen stock 

Ask her ahead of time what she likes to drink and eat, especially snacks and treats. A little rosé and chocolate – or whatever her faves are – goes a long way when it comes to showing her you took the time and energy to make her feel special.

Let’s play 

Make sure you have lube on hand and invest in a new vibrator for the big night. Even a super-inexpensive bullet can do the trick. Her pleasure should be number one on your lists and these two goodies will make sure you keep her body buzzing from dusk till dawn.


No need to buy anything. But having a clean tee and shorts on hand for her to slip into will be very much appreciated for a late night trip to the fridge or for coffee on your couch in the morning. Once again, that kind of prep says, “I’m thinking about what makes you feel good.”