Five Lesbians That Have Been Prepared For The Apocalypse Since The Day They Came Out

In my Homosexual Opinion ™ lesbians are more prepared for a crisis than any other class of humans on earth. We all seem to have a broad range of hobbies that are more like a utility belt of extremely useful skills. Why is this? Maybe it’s because we’ve all been through some shit, maybe we just like to show off for one another, or maybe it’s because we enjoy being better than men at everything. It’s hard to say exactly why this is, but we all know that it’s true.

Here are the top five lesbians that are more than prepared for any crisis that might come their way:

DIY Dyke

She can make anything that you’d ever want out of anything you’d want it made out of. She had to spend two weeks at home? She’d happily use that time DIY-ing cat shelves through her entire house. Maybe she’ll redo her kitchen countertops, build an addition onto the back of her house or refinish her hardwood floors. The possibilities are endless. In addition, she definitely has a drawer full of carabiners. I don’t know what these would be used for, but I can guarantee that she has a plan.

Baking Butch

The stores are out of bread, but there’s plenty of flour on the shelves. Baking butch is buttering up fresh banana nut muffins for breakfast, baking warm sourdough bread for dinner, and has a pumpkin pie in the queue for dessert. You’re sure to gain 20 pounds if you quarantine with this dyke.

Garden Goddess

Plant Dyke has an apartment full of air cleaning plants and succulents. As soon as she got wind of an international crisis, she planted some microgreens in her windowsill to ensure she’d have fresh salads in a mere 7-10 days.

Leave Me Alone Lesbian

Ok, so maybe this lesbian isn’t doing much of anything, but that’s kind of…her thing. She loves hanging at home and binging lesbian content on Netflix with her cat and hitting up other lesbians on ‘Her’. She wouldn’t have met up in person even if there wasn’t a worldwide pandemic. She’s been practicing social distancing for years.

The Dianic Devotee Yoni Whisperer

Yes, I know, this is all of us, but this dyke wouldn’t ever leave her bedroom if no one made her, so she’s doing especially well quarantining. She doesn’t need to put on a face mask if she never comes up for air.