Local Mom Worries Lesbian Daughter Will Grow Old Surrounded By Unopened Pickle Jars

Jenna, a 27-year-old accountant in York, Pennsylvania  says that her mom was very accepting of her as a lesbian, but also had outrageous concerns that were at best outdated and at worst offensive. “‘What if your kitchen sink springs a leak?’ she asked me. I’d probably call a plumber, Mom. Just like the majority of the heterosexual population would…” Jenna told us.

“‘What if you can’t reach something on a high shelf?’ she once asked. Then I’ll strictly date women who are over 5’9”… or maybe get a stool too  — just as a backup plan.”

We spoke with Jenna’s mom to hear more about her experiences. 

“When she first told me she was a (whispers) ‘lesbian,’ my first worry was, who is going to help her open all those jars of pickles she likes? Then I thought of the grandchildren…who is going to open their pickle jars? Is she just going to adopt children and then not give them pickles? What about spaghetti sauce? What about jam? You’re gonna raise kids without PB&J? You can understand my concern.”

Surrounded by unopenable jars

We asked Jenna to respond to her mom’s comments and she said “I’m not sure how to tell my mom that the butch women I date could crack a Costco sized pickle jar in half with their bare husky hands,” she says laughing. “And dear goddess, why is she always thinking of the non-existent children? I’m sure one of my three heterosexual siblings will give her grandchildren inadvertently.” 

“But it’s not all bad with her, I know it may sound that way, but she’s really trying in her own special Boomer-mom way,” Jenna continues, “A few weeks after I came out, a package came to my door. It contained a rainbow flag for my front porch. For my  birthday last year, she got us Tegan and Sarah tickets and we went to a concert together, all because she remembered that I used to listen to them in high school — over 10 years ago back when I had an iPod Nano.” 

“I really do appreciate the effort,” Jenna says, remembering. “Oh, and she bought me a LADIES bathroom sign that she found at a local thrift shop. I don’t know what to do with that thing, but whenever she comes to visit, I’ll be sure to put it out…somewhere.”