Lesbianing With AE: Wrist Pain is Ruining My Sex Life

Hey Lindsey,

Umm, awkward question. I have wrist pain and it’s affecting my sex life! I’m seeing a chiropractor and using a brace when the pain gets bad, but in the meantime do you have any tips for sex positions that would be more comfortable? Things usually feel okay in the moment, but if it’s taking my partner a while to get off my wrist can really cramp up. Now I’m starting to get worried that it will really hurt the next day. I’ll try to switch hands and she complains that she was just about to come, which makes me feel like a jerk. But it’s hard for me to relax and enjoy sex when I’m worried about how I feel.

-Send Ergonomic Xpert

Sorry you’re struggling, SEX! It’s not good for your body or your mind if you’re feeling pain when you’re touching your girlfriend.

If you’re on top of her and you’re putting pressure on one or both of your wrists, it’s going to start hurting sooner or later (as you know). If she’s usually on the bottom, have her top you or lie on one side so your position isn’t already placing pressure on your wrist.

Take a load off your wrists and go down on her, or have sex standing up, sitting down, or using something other than your hands to touch her… there’s always scissoring!

WeWomen’s Lesbian Kama Sutra has 100 illustrated sex positions if you need some new ideas of how to get it on without cramping up. If you’ve mastered scissoring, you can try the Ivy or Seesaw. Sublime caress puts that kitchen stool to good use and the 99 keeps your wrist loose. And if none of those positions tickle your fancy, you two can giggle at the goofy illustrations and try to figure out what goes where and how long it takes until those flimsy chairs tip over (seriously, who is like, you know what we should do with those secondhand IKEA chairs? Stand on top of them and have sex! AfterEllen says it will help stave off lesbian bed death!)

Take a load off your wrists and go down on her, or have sex standing up, sitting down, or using something other than your hands to touch her… there’s always scissoring!

Along with changing up what you do, pay attention to the time of day your wrists start bothering you. If you’re always going at it after a long day of work, when your wrists already ache, try a morning quickie. Then you can touch her without worrying about your wrists… and maybe you’ll be a little less productive at work, but hey. Worth it now and then, no?

If one wrist is worse off, use the other hand for touching your girlfriend. If it’s both wrists and they feel especially tender, soak in the bathtub. The warm water will ease inflammation, so you’ll feel less pain. And if she wants to hop in the tub too and massage your wrists (or anything else), yahtzee.

Some people like using warming gels/creams/lubes to increase blood flow down there, which could help your girlfriend get off faster. Vibrators can give an assist too.

I hope you’re talking about this together. You mention your partner gets a bit pouty sometimes when you change things up. If she doesn’t know when you’re in pain, please tell her. I’m sure she wants everyone to enjoy your intimate time together, and if she knows what/when/how much this is interfering with your sex life, she will help you brainstorm some pain-free solutions.


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