Last week, #wastehistime trended big on twitter. Unlike most things that trend on twitter, #wastehistime is a hilarious and deliciously evil mass brainstorm for ways to mess with that thirsty someone who is just begging to be messed with. According to Complex, “The trending hashtag has women devising some savagely evil ways to waste a man’s time, break his spirit and basically, according to some women, do what dirtbag men have been doing to women for years, decades, centuries.”
But why should straight people have all the fun? I’m all for empowering my fellow women, but let’s not pretend that girls can’t be contemptible twits. If you’ve got a girl who cheats, lies, talks shit, ignores, or manipulates, the time has come to #wastehertime. Don’t whine about her to your friends, don’t take her back because she’s really going through something right now, don’t freak the fuck out, don’t post thinly veiled barbs on social media. Just #wastehertime.
Tell her to call back in five minutes and then don’t answer—for like a week.
Make dinner plans on a Friday night, then arrive at the restaurant late and say you’ve already eaten.
Turn read receipts on, then insist you never saw her “I’m in the hospital” text.
Wait until she catches feelings, then ask if her ex is single.
Ask to sleep in at her apartment, then once she leaves for work, eat everything in the refrigerator.
Forget ya’lls anniversary—for 12 months in a row.
Insist she take you to a second restaurant because the first one didn’t have enough vegetarian options, then order a cheeseburger.
Approve your friends’ posts to your timeline, but never hers.
Only act like you’re interested when she has concert tickets.
Tell her you’ll meet her in the shower, then finish watching Making A Murderer.
Stare deep into her eyes for a solid minute. When she asks what you’re thinking about, respond “Mein Kampf.”
Text her to come over. Then leave.
Borrow her car on a full tank of gas and return it on empty. When she asks where you drove, respond “Just round the block with my boo.”
My girlfriend became very nervous while I was writing this list.