The ladies of the lesbian pop culture community are as diverse as the colors of a homosexual rainbow. You’ve got your givers and your takers, your movers and your shakers, your fan fic writers and your Twitter army captains. Take our five-question quiz to find out what kind of pop culture lesbian you are, and then check out our awesome infographic to learn what it means. Just grab a pencil and jot down your answers to the following five questions.
1) When a lesbian/bisexual TV character finds herself bludgeoned to death by a writer’s pen, you:
a) Store away the details of her untimely demise in the mental file cabinet where you keep the death reports of Tara Maclay, Dana Fairbanks, Maya St. Germain, Sarah Barnes, Admiral Helena Cain, Jenny Schecter, Sandy Lopez and Silvia Castro León.
b) Organize an army of fans to tweet the writers/creators around the clock until they succumb to social media exhaustion and agree to write the character back onto the show.
c) Console yourself by writing your own ending to the character’s story. Soon enough, your head-canon will feel like real-canon and you won’t be sad anymore. Fan fiction is forever!
d) Roll your eyes and mumble, “Of course she was axe-murdered” while throwing your TV out into the yard.
e) Sigh and think it’s really too bad that those gay people can’t catch a break, even on TV.
2) When Ellen and Portia get caught on camera being adorable, how do you react?
a) I pull out my April 15, 1997 Time magazine and my August 19, 2008 People magazine and remember how far lesbian visibility has come – from Ellen’s “Yep, I’m Gay” cover to her wedding cover – in the last 15 years.
b) I print out several hundred copies of the adorable photo and write an essay on the back of each one about “This is how it could have been!” with regards to the aforementioned lesbian character who was ruthlessly murdered by her writers. And then I send those photos to the network that killed her.
c) I Photoshop the heads of my favorite couple onto the bodies of Ellen and Portia and post the manips on Tumblr. Rachel and Quinn attend the Teen Choice Awards. Naomi and Emily walk their puppy. Lauren and Bo buy a house in SoCal.
d) I wish they’d go inside and keep themselves safe from the paparazzi’s prying eyeballs before they inevitably end up like Kelli and Rosie or Melissa and Tammy. Or, well, every other celebrity couple I’ve ever given a rip about.
e) I sigh and think, “Gosh, I hope I can find love like that one day.” But, like, with a dude. Probably.
3) What’s your favorite kind of lesbian/bisexual storyline?
a) Oh, I love them all!
b) The kind that does the thing I told the writers it should do!
c) The kind that makes me swoon!
d) Does it really matter? In the end, all lesbians end up pregnant, dead, or married to a man.
e) I haven’t decided yet. I’ve still got a lot to left to watch.
4) How many lesbian/bisexual TV shows have you enjoyed watching over the years?
a) All of them. They all contribute to my ever-expanding understanding of the Sapphic pop culture canon.
b) All of the ones that don’t piss me off. So, like, two.
c) I’ve enjoyed every story that has given me a glimpse of True Love, and a reason to spend hours watching fan videos on YouTube.
d) It’s hard to enjoy something that keeps punching you in the face with its tired cliches and tropes.
e) Years? Oh, I’ve only just started watching – but I plan to devour them all! Does anybody know where I can watch UK Skins in America?
5) What’s your favorite lesbian/bisexual movie?
a) Mädchen in Uniform, because it’s the original lesbian film.
b) D.E.B.S., because I, too, have joined the fight against injustice!
c) Imagine Me & You, because of adorable kissing and happy endings.
d) Lost and Delirious, because I totally get it about lesbians making you want to jump off a roof.
e) But I’m a Cheerleader, because I’d like to think I could survive a gay intervention, too. If I was gay. But I’m not.
Check out the next page for the results of your quiz!
If you scored mostly As, you are an Uberlezzer. If you scored mostly Bs, you are a Guerrilla Gay. If you scored mostly Cs, you are a Sapphic Shipper. If you scored mostly Ds, you are a Weary Queer. If you scored mostly Es, you are an Honorary Homo.
What kind of pop culture lesbian are you?
