Archive

Great LezBritain: Bent Double

“Great LezBritian” is a fortnightly stroll through the very best of British lesbo-centric entertainment and culture. Plus there will be some jolly good interviews with the top ladies who are waving the flag for gay UK.

Parading yourself around a comedy stage for all and sundry to judge is not considered the most stable of career paths. But chucking a well timed punch line right in the face of stability, are some rather hilarious lesbian comedians.

Zoe Lyons, Susan Calman and Jen Brister have all been making a name for themselves on the British comedy circuit over the last couple of years and Great LezBritain has pissed many a pair of pants in the front row of their gigs.

We caught up with all three to find out how Zoe felt to be named as one of 2009’s influential British gays, why a group of lesbians once tried to ban Jen from their women’s bar and why there is a naked video of Susan on the internet.

Once you’ve read the interviews, go check out the real thing and if you know of any other good British lesbian comedians, don’t be greedy, do share.

JEN BRISTER (LONDON)

AfterEllen.com: When did you start doing stand up?

Jen Brister: My very first gig came off the back of doing a comedy course at University. I was 21, at the time and completely obsessed with stand up, although it wasn’t something I had any real desire to do. I wanted to be a comedy actor, but soon realised that so did every man and his dog. I started trying out at open mic gigs and it snowballed from there. Really I just think I have a compulsion to be stared at blankly in pubs.

AE: The thought of standing on a stage trying to make people laugh would be terrifying for most, what made you do it?

JB: I’m a show off who needs an unnatural amount of attention from complete strangers as an affirmation that I have talent. It’s all very healthy.

AE: Have you had any interesting heckling moments? How did you respond?

JB: Someone poured a pint of coke over me once because I had been “flirting” with his girlfriend which apparently had deeply offended her. A bloke shouted that I was frigid and needed a big hard c—, to which I replied that I had a big c— , thanks, but it’s just in the boil wash right now.

AE: You also often present radio shows for BBC6 Music how does broadcasting compare with stand up?

JB: Radio is very different from stand up because you literally feel like you’re talking to yourself. The greatest thing about stand up is you have an immediate reaction from the audience telling you if it’s funny or not. But on radio, it’s only when you get a text message five minutes later that you remember that you have thousands of people listening to you up and down the country.

AE: You sometimes work as part of a duo with fellow comedian Clare Warde — is it better to have someone with you to hold your hand or do you resent sharing the glory?

JB: Clare who? I think I remember….oh yeah… the ginger one. I do love working with Clare, she’s a very funny and talented writer and performer. We’ve been friends for 17 years and the reason we work so well together is that we make each other laugh. Obviously when she’s on stage with me I resent every single laugh she gets. I have had to gag her on more than one occasion and I’ll be honest with you, a couple of those times we weren’t even on stage.

AE: There are not many out lesbian comedians in the UK. There is a stereotype that lesbians are just not that funny but what reasons would you give for so few of them getting into comedy?

JB: I genuinely think that some of the funniest women on TV and radio are gay. Look at Jane Lynch who stars in Glee. The woman is hands down the funniest and most engaging actor on that show. You’ve got Sandi Toksvig, Zoe Lyons, Sue Perkins, Rhona Cameron, Adams & Rea, Susan Calman, obviously Ellen [DeGeneres] and let’s not forget Clare Balding, some of her outfits are hilarious!

The truth is that there are plenty of women both gay and straight who are involved in comedy, it’s just that they don’t have a profile yet.

AE: You have said that lesbians tend not to like your stand up, why is that?

JB:Well, I think I may have overstated that fact. I don’t think it’s strictly true. It’s just that I have managed to offend some gay women over the years. I’ll admit, sometimes intentionally because it amuses me.

A number of gay women signed a petition for me not to compere a comedy night at a “women’s bar” because I said the word “penis” on stage. Obviously once asked not to say “penis” I found myself literally talking about the male appendage all night. It didn’t help that I had also spent the entire evening calling one of the women who complained, “pregnant lady” only for her to tell me while I was on stage that she wasn’t pregnant.

AE: Is it true that when you told your mum you were gay she said, well, it’s better than being a vegetarian?

JB: People don’t believe me but it’s absolutely 100% true.

AE: Can you share a new/your favourite joke with us?

JB:I have written some material about pornography which I’m really enjoying performing but it’s not really appropriate. So I’ll tell you another “Mum” truism, which is when I told my Mum that my girlfriend and I were thinking of having kids, she replied, “I do hope you know you cannot get pregnant with two fingers…”

AE: Who are your own comedy heroes?

JB:It is going to sound naff but as a woman I have to say any woman in comedy mainly because it’s been other female comics who have always inspired me, whether they’re stand up comics, or comedy actors, or writers.

AE: What is the best way for our readers to keep up to date with your movements?

JB: I have a website www.jenbrister.co.uk and should I ever update it you’ll be able to see everything I’m up to!

AE: Where can they see you perform?

JB:All over the shop. I gig up and down the country in pubs, clubs and theatres. I’m in the middle of writing a play and a new show for Edinburgh so I’ll be previewing both of those over the next few months. So why not come down and have a giggle or three.

SUSAN “THE CALAMANATOR” CALMAN (GLASGOW)

AE: How did you become a comedian?

Susan Calman: I have always enjoyed making people laugh, and it would be fair to say I was the “class clown.” But I didn’t have the guts to get on stage until eventually my friends got sick of me talking about it and made me go for it. My first gig was in January 2005. Then I waited 6 months to do it again and gave up my job in law in July 2006 to be a full time comic.

AE: Was it hard leaving the security of a nice proper job?

SC: Some would call it a typical mid life crisis, I wouldn’t. That makes it sound like it was a stupid decision, which actually, many thought it was. I had always dreamt about being a comedian, and when I got to the age of 30, I realised that if I didn’t make the change then I would never do it.

So after only a year of gigging I thought “just go for it.” It was frightening and difficult but it was ultimately the best decision I have ever made. Being a lawyer gave me some lovely things like money, health insurance and a pension. But it didn’t make me happy.

AE: If you were in the audience at your first gig, would you give a thumbs up or thumbs down?

SC:Let me put it like this. I looked like I was going to be sick on my shoes, my material was immature and rubbish, I spoke at 700 miles an hour and I was a faint green colour. Apart from that it was cracking!

AE: Have you had any interesting heckling moments? How did you respond?

SC: I don’t tend to get many heckles. It’s mainly men who heckle and I think I scare them. Occasionally someone shouts “show us your breasts” or something witty like that. Last time a bloke did that to me I responded with “shouting at me won’t make your penis grow.” He didn’t shout again.

AE: You reference your lesbitarian ways often in your routine – sometimes even trying to pick up audience members – so how much do you actually think your sexuality influences your routine?

SC: This is a really interesting question. One of the reasons I gave up my job was because I felt extremely censored in the way I could express myself when I was a lawyer. Perhaps now I have freedom, I am louder than I should be about who I am – but I think it is important to be honest with an audience.

Sometimes, perversely, when I am in front of what might be initially considered a tough crowd full of drunken men, I enjoy it more. It is pleasurable to challenge their preconceptions of who they think lesbians are. Chatting up their wives is fun, especially when the women seem happier to be talking to me than being with their husbands.

Also I like flirting with women, I wouldn’t do it off stage as my girlfriend would kill me, but I can get away with it when I am being “funny.” My sexuality isn’t all I talk about but it is a hugely important part of what I do.

AE: There are not many out lesbian comedians in the UK. There is a stereotype that lesbians are just not that funny but what reasons would you give for so few of them getting into comedy?

SC: I don’t know. Perhaps they are afraid of the reaction of crowds? I don’t think lesbians aren’t funny, frightening sometimes, but funny nonetheless. Female comics can sometimes get a harder time and maybe lesbians are afraid to put themselves out there for potential abuse. I love it.

AE: You run a monthly night called “Wicked Wenches” (The Stand, Glasgow on the first Wednesday of every month) showcasing the best female comedians in the UK, what motivates you to do this?

SC: I don’t believe in moaning about why female comics don’t do as well as men, but I do want to be involved in encouraging more women to get into comedy. The “Wicked Wenches” night tries to do just that by showcasing the best female comics in the UK and from around the world. By putting on a really good night of comedy it will hopefully change a few people’s opinions about women in comedy.

AE: How did the “Green Goblin” come about, it really is quite special.

SC:It was a joy to do that sketch. Myself and four other comics were filming a Channel 4 pilot called Blowout. One of the sketches was the “Green Goblin” and I initially understood that it would be executed with me in a green leotard. Then the director suggested that we go the whole hog and I should be naked. I was against this, as I have a body like the Pillsbury doughboy, but he assured me that it was that kind of commitment which would make sure the show was commissioned.

So I went for it. Two women painted me (with their hands) and it took over an hour to get full coverage. I asked for a closed set when we were filming it (I had seen on TV that that’s what people ask for) but there were still about 30 people in the room. It was frightening to do but it is an amazing sketch and always gets people talking. Of course the series wasn’t commissioned but my naked body is still on the Internet for all to see. Lovely. My parents are so proud.

AE: What is the best way for our readers to keep up to date with the Calmanator’s movements?

SC:I facebook and Twitter a lot. So ask to be my friend on Facebook (I will say yes), or follow me on Twitter. I also blog a lot and you can find all of that at susancalman.com.

AE:Where can they be propositioned by you next?

SC: I’m all over the place (literally). I’m at the Glasgow Comedy Festival doing a new show on February 27 then in London in March at the Soho Theatre on March 5 and 6, in New Zealand in April and then at the Edinburgh Festival in August. And of course I would love to go to the USA to gig. Perhaps next year?

ZOE LYONS (BRIGHTON)

AE: When did you start doing stand up?

ZL: I did my first gig in August 2003 in the lovely King’s Head Comedy Club in North London. It was 5 minutes of utter rubbish but it felt great to finally do a gig.

AE: The thought of getting up and trying to make people laugh would terrify most, what makes you do it?

ZL: It terrifies me sometimes. But there is this internal drive to write material and get up on stage and make people laugh. It’s the best feeling when you are having a storming gig and it all fits and you feel like you can’t fail. Laughter is the most delicious sound in the world, who wouldn’t want to bathe in it?

AE: Have you had any interesting heckling moments? How did you respond?

ZL: I was doing gigs in the Middle East to expats and a guy shouted out: “I didn’t pay to listen to a lesbian.” I responded by saying I was surprised as he looked exactly like the sort of guy who would have to pay any woman to talk to him. It was a bit odd as I hadn’t even mentioned being gay…. think my shoes betrayed me.

AE: Before you became a stand up, you were on one of the UK’s original reality TV shows Survivor. What was that like and if you had to go on another (had to or die) which would it be – Big Brother, I’m A Celeb or Dancing on Ice?

ZL: Ah yes Survivor… some of my finest work. It was really tough and I lost about 20 pounds in a month but I survived almost to the end. But the hunger, rats and snakes I could cope with, it was the other contestants that were the real challenge. The phrase “hell is other people” is very true, but I did learn a lot about myself. I am a dab hand with a spear when it comes to fishing sting- ray and I am a “head down” get on with it sort of person.

If I had to do another reality TV show… dying would be my first choice. I couldn’t do Dancing on Ice as I have no sense of balance. It would have to be BB but I would get myself evicted straight away because long periods in that sort of environment messes with your head.

AE: There are not many out lesbian comedians in the UK. There is a stereotype that lesbians are just not that funny but what reasons would you give for so few of them getting into comedy?

ZL: There a fewer women in comedy, therefore it goes that there are fewer out lesbians in comedy. I think it is a statistical thing rather than anything else. The stereotype of the angry, humourless lesbian is just that… a lazy stereotype. Sure we’ve all met one but hell; there are a lot of angry humourless straight folk out there too.

AE: You have officially been named as an influential gay (by Independent on Sunday in 2009), how did this make you feel?

ZL: I spat my coffee out when I saw it. I was only 5 points behind Elton John… next year Elton!

AE: Last year you incurred the wrath of Germaine Greer which inspired you to write a whole new show. What was her problem and did you hear if she liked the resulting show?

ZL: She described my humour as being astonishingly vicious after she heard about a joke I made about Amy Winehouse. She said it was a joke most women would find extremely unfunny, which just wasn’t true and in fact it won the joke of the Fringe in 2008.

I thought it was very strange for a feminist to suggest that women cannot dish out or take jokes about each other. It suggested that that we are the fairer sex and we need to be gentle with each other and wrapped in cotton wool. It was no surprise that there was no follow up on what she thought about last year’s show.

AE: Congratulations on your civil partnership. One of our favorite jokes (Warning: some language in the video clip is NSFW) of yours was about the nightmare of having two brides on a wedding day. How is married life different from just cohabiting?

ZL: I am not a romantic, my mother reminds me of my anniversary so I don’t forget. I don’t believe in love at first sight and I don’t believe in “the one.” Having said that, on the day of our ceremony, I blubbed like a baby. It was a wonderful day surrounded by family and friends. My wife is a wonderful support and the most patient woman on the planet with me. Has it changed how I feel from cohabiting? It is good to know we have rights now… told you I wasn’t a romantic!

AE: You once caused a big fight between us because Sarah got the times wrong and instead of sitting in your audience in Edinburgh 2008, we were still outside drinking Jack Daniels talking about how good your show would be. What was the best joke that we missed that year?

ZL: That was the year of the Winehouse joke… phone Greer and she’ll fill you in.

AE: Who are your own comedy heroes — and how long would you ‘have a face on’ if your wife made you miss one of them?

ZL: Robin Williams. I was lucky enough to be performing at a gig when he just “popped” down to try some stuff before his London run last year. And I do love Joan Rivers; there would be a domestic if I missed Joan.

AE: Where can our readers see you perform?

ZL: I am doing a small national tour this year including a date at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London on the April 8. All my dates are on my website.

AE: How can our readers keep up with you? (facebook/twitter?)

ZL:I have a Facebook page.

“Great LezBritain” authors Sarah, a Londoner, and Lee, a Glaswegian, met in a gay discotheque one bleak mid winter, eight years ago and have been shacked up together ever since. When not watching Tipping The Velvet, they find time to write, run a PR company, DJ at their own club nights and love a bit of jam on toast. Follow them on Twitter at greatlezbritain.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button