On Mondays, I find it easier to look at pretty pictures than put together sentences. So here are some movie posters for your visual pleasure. (You could also call this a preview of 2008, which isn’t looking great so far …)
1. Hellboy II, starring Selma Blair: I didn’t see Hellboy, and even if I had, I probably wouldn’t feel compelled to see the sequel. But Selma is mesmerizing in this poster. So I might reconsider. Her eyes, they follow me everywhere!
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (the poster was just released today):
What the poster doesn’t tell you is that Cate Blanchett is definitely playing a villain, and now we even have a name for her: Agent Spalko. I’m sort of looking forward to this and sort of cringing. Isn’t Harrison Ford just, um, too old? (And isn’t this poster completely recycled and uninspired?)
3. Virgin Territory (aka Angels and Virgins), starring Mischa Barton: Yes, this is a real movie. Yes, I think it’s fair to assume the poster intentionally references American Pie. No, I don’t know why it looks like a bad Photoshop job. Mischa, please: Consider your film choices a little more carefully! Between this and Finding t.A.T.u, I’m concerned. (And boo to the poster that can’t even riff on Sex, Lies and Videotape properly.)
4. Teeth, starring Jess Wexler: We’ve been intrigued by this one for a while now here on AfterEllen.com (it screened at Sundance this year), and this poster only enhances my curiosity. I do wonder, though, whether Jess Wexler is going to regret the role – will she be forever known as “the girl with the teeth down there”?
Also, how much does that tagline suck? A “cautionary tale for men”? Yes, because everything is about them.
5. Funny Games, starring Naomi Watts: Jamie blogged about this film in September, and I saw the trailer on the big screen over the weekend. This one looks very, very disturbing. Like A Clockwork Orange level of disturbing. Naomi, you make strange choices too, but I’m glad (I will be forever grateful for Mulholland Dr. – forever grateful and forever confused).
6. Mad Money, starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes: We’ve blogged about this one too, and it looks fairly amusing (plus, it was written by Oscar winner Callie Khouri, who penned Thelma and Louise). But why does Diane Keaton look so weird on this poster? It’s like she’s a stick figure come to life, with everything at the wrong angle and no neck whatsoever. Also, I love Latifah, but I have a foot phobia and didn’t really need to see her tootsies. Meanwhile, Katie looks like she’s stuck in an ’80s video, probably one of Whitney Houston’s.
7. The Medusa Hour: I have no idea what this movie is about. But I think Medusa – the general concept – rocks. I would love to be able to turn people to stone with my stare. Instead, I just put them to sleep.
8. Sisters, starring Chloë Sevigny: Hmm. IMDb.com seems to think this came out in 2006, and I guess maybe it did somewhere – but apparently it’s going straight to DVD in 2008. It’s a remake of Brian De Palma’s 1973 film of the same name, which starred Margot Kidder. (I should totally Netflix that.)
But I don’t care how bad the reviews are: Chloë Sevigny in a psychological thriller? I’m there. I’ll even ignore the presence of Dallas Roberts (Angus on The L Word). Admittedly, this trailer isn’t great:
If only Chloe would star in a remake of Sister, My Sister.
9. Star Trek XI: Version 2: I don’t have much to say. I’m just impressed that they went classic.
10. Winged Creatures, with Kate Beckinsale, Dakota Fanning, Jennifer Hudson, Jeanne Tripplehorn and Embeth Davidtz Here’s the plot synopsis: “A group of strangers form a unique relationship with each other after surviving a random shooting at a Los Angeles diner.” In other words, it will be really, really bad or really, really good. I want only the best for Jennifer Hudson, but this poster sucks. The font alone is so last decade.
Wow, so much for avoiding complete sentences. Scroll up and focus on the eye candy!
