I can’t say that I really consider myself to be a trend-follower. Despite this, however, I’ve got my finger firmly on the pulse of everything that’s cool, hip and happening! I know all about what the kids are into these days, whether it’s invisible cola, pet rocks, or even the macarena. Because I care, I’d like to impart a bit of insight into the latest fad sweeping the globe: Replacing amputated limbs with firearms!
It all began during that magical era known as “last spring” when Rose McGowan … ahem … blasted
her way onto the screen in Planet Terror, the Robert Rodriguez–helmed half of Grindhouse. As go-go dancer Cherry Darling, McGowan proved that there’s something oddly alluring about a gal blasting away at zombies with a machine gun that’s been crammed into her thigh. Who knew?
Upping the ante in machine-gun chic is the forthcoming Japanese flick The Machine Girl (Kataude mashin garu), a film that concerns a schoolgirl out for revenge when her family is killed (and her arm is amputated) by the Yakuza.
The Machine Girl has truly got it all: ninjas, sailor fuku school girls, revenge, Yakuza, flying guillotines, drill bras and, of course, the gatling gun arm. According to my calculations, those elements may add up to equal the best movie ever … and by “best movie ever,” I mean I made out with the trailer five times last night. See for yourself, though be warned: the trailer is over-the-top bloody and totally NSFW.
While I’ll be first in line for The Machine Girl, I would never condone such violence in real life. I mean, if my arm were ever chopped off by a clan of ninja Yakuza, I’d like to think that I’d rise above the notion of revenge. Instead of a Gatling gun, maybe I’d attach a Super Soaker to myself and spend my days watering gardens and cooling off the neighborhood children during the summer heat. You know, giving peace a chance and all that.
