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And the Oscar Goes to …

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has decided who will take home the Oscars this Sunday, but most of the actors, directors and filmmakers we love don’t have any awards to give. Or they didn’t, until now.

We asked 12 of our favorite women to name their own film awards. Some chose to recognize serious, Oscar-worthy performances, and others made up awards for less-appreciated categories such as Gayest Straight Character and Best Naked Knife Fight.

The result? Well, let’s just say it would be a far more interesting and entertaining night at the Oscars if the Academy listened to what the women in and behind lesbian filmmaking have to say.

The envelopes, please …

Marlee Matlin

Marlee Matlin was just 21 years old when she won the Best Actress Oscar for her role in Children of a Lesser God. Since then, she has written children’s books, appeared in more than a dozen movies and network TV shows, and, of course, starred for two seasons opposite Jennifer Beals in The L Word. Next month, Matlin will compete on ABC’s Dancing With the Stars, and in late April, she will co-star with Jeff Daniels in Sweet Nothing in My Ear on CBS.

Favorite Film: La Vie En Rose, hands down. What a performance by Marion Cotillard. What a story. I felt as if I were actually watching Edith Piaf on screen. For me, her transformation from young to old Edith Piaf was unprecedented in film.”

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “I would’ve loved Amy Ryan’s part in Gone Baby Gone. It really was heart-wrenching to see her character torn between her drug addiction and her baby daughter’s safety. Her performance was raw, naked and so present.”

Character Who Should’ve Been a Lesbian: “Javier Bardem’s character in No Country for Old Men. A great film, but the film had only one supporting role for a woman. So why not go all the way and make one of this year’s more memorable performances a lesbian? It would’ve been great. And I would’ve loved to play that, too!”

Most Emotional Film: La Vie En Rose. Not only did I cry, I sat there with my mouth hanging open at the bravery of Marion’s performance. If they give her the Oscar on Academy Award night, they might as well throw the Kodak Theatre in with it. She deserves it all.”

Best Film to Tell a Story With Limited Dialogue: There Will Be Blood. There were scenes that were shot like a silent film; the story was told entirely with the camera and actors’ faces and bodies. Don’t get me wrong – dialogue is important, but if I’m relying on a movie that’s not closed captioned or subtitled (Hear that Hollywood? It’s time you make movies accessible for 26 million deaf and hard-of-hearing people), I have to watch the actors’ faces, bodies. And 99 times out of 100, I see a good performance just by the way an actor moves and interacts with the other actors and their environment. And I know a good film by the way the director uses his/her camera and brings the story together on screen. Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Day-Lewis did just that in There Will Be Blood.

Ellen Huang

Out bisexual Ellen Huang is a former film executive who created Queer Lounge, which gives audience members, industry insiders and the press a social hub for discussing and learning about LGBT film offerings at the Sundance Film Festival.

Best Scene: “Amy Adams popping out of a sewer in a fluffy princess dress in Enchanted. I love Amy Adams. She is definitely one to watch.”

Film I Wish I’d Written or Directed: La Vie En Rose. Marion Cotillard gave one of the most inspired performances ever – yeah, maybe even better than Meryl Streep!”

Biggest Industry Issue: “The Writers’ Strike had a lot of impact. … It’s important that all of us support writers because every line, every scene that you can recall in a great movie or TV series of years past – someone wrote that!”

Biggest Box Office Hit Using the Worst Stereotypes of Gays and Lesbians:I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Kristanna Loken

Out bisexual actor Kristanna Loken, who played Shane’s girlfriend Paige in Season 4 of The L Word, produced and co-stars in Lime Salted Love, a film with a lesbian subplot that will premiere March 1 at the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival.

Favorite Recent Film: “I just watched Brokeback Mountain again last night, and I’d say that was the film that has affected me the most. It transcended gender and same-sex relationships, and was just such a moving, tragic love story.”

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “I’d have to go back a few years to Charlize Theron’s role in Monster. I like tortured, dark characters, and that was an amazing role that totally changed her career.”

Favorite Scene I’ve Been In: “Danielle Agnello and I are in a heartbreaking scene in Lime Salted Love that we call the ‘Red Room Scene.’ It’s so surreal and eerie, and it almost reads like a poem, as we reveal the depth of our connection and our past traumas. It’s definitely one for fans to keep an eye out for.”

Jessica Graham

Jessica Graham recently filmed And Then Came Lola, a movie from Fast Girl Films that also features Cathy DeBuono and Jill Bennett. She has three other projects in the works: the second installment of 2 Minutes Later; a movie called Everything Is Going To Be Just Fine; and Tremble and Spark, a lesbian noir trilogy written and directed by Kelly Burkhardt.

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood

Best Actress: “Cate Blanchett in anything she ever does, so this year in I’m Not There and Elizabeth: The Golden Age.

Favorite 2007 Film Character: “Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men. That character was so evil in such a calm and collected way, he actually made my skin go cold.”

Best 2007 Scene: “The scene in There Will Be Blood where Daniel Day-Lewis’ character is talking to his brother about his resentments and his disgust of ‘these people’ slays me. It’s all in his eyes and the few words that he says. It’s also one of those scenes where I’m the only one in the audience laughing. Not sure what that says about me.”

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “I would have loved to play the role of Jenna, which Keri Russell played in Waitress. The character was a wonderful showcase of comedy and drama. Plus I love pie.”

Most Overlooked 2007 Films: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and Rescue Dawn. Amazing performances, beautiful cinematography, excellent writing.”

Best Naked Knife Fight: Eastern Promises.I actually had to cover my mouth to keep from yelling, ‘That was awesome!’ to the whole theater!”

Maeve Quinlan

When not recovering from religion in her role as Paula Carlin on South of Nowhere, Maeve Quinlan is an executive producer, writer and actor on the web series 3Way. She also founded Beech Park Entertainment, co-wrote a series of children’s books, and in her spare time, co-starred in the Sony film Not Easily Broken, which will be released Sept. 26, 2008.

Best Director: “Recently single and just my type (what a shocker, another bad boy), Sean Penn.”

Most Emotional: Knocked Up

Most Laughter: There Will Be Blood

Most Tears: Ratatouille

Most Screams: Boogeyman 2, starring Matt Cohen (South of Nowhere‘s Aiden)

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “Bianca in Lars and the Real Girl. I have been dying to play opposite Ryan Gosling since Sandra Bullock got my role in Murder by Numbers.”

Character Who Should Guest-star on South of Nowhere: “Paula Carlin would have a run for her money with another mother character like Allison Janney’s character Bren MacGuff in Juno.”

Character Who Should’ve Been a Lesbian: “John Travolta in Hairspray … enough said.”

Jill Bennett

Jill Bennett’s come a long way since her days playing a nurse on Days of Our Lives. The out actor recently starred in Season 3 of Dante’s Cove (here!), currently appears in the web series 3Way, and can be seen every week co-hosting We’re Getting Nowhere. She also co-stars in the upcoming film And Then Came Lola.

Best Actress: “With absolute certainty, Marion Cotillard in La Vie en Rose – a tour-de-force performance, one of my favorites of the last five years easily. As much as I love Ellen Page, [Cotillard] blows away the competition in her category.”

Most Emotional Film: “I just watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and it really messed me up! The perspective of the film bothered me at first, but I stayed with it and it broke my heart. Ideally, a film can conjure a sense of empathy in the viewer. This film forces you to consider the frailty of human life and existence. Big stuff! Kept me up most of the night.”

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “Any of the female roles in Quentin Tarantino’s movie Death Proof – in particular, the role of Kim, played by Tracie Thoms. That stunt sequence at the end of the film was quite possibly one of the greatest of all time, and I couldn’t have played Zoe [Bell]’s role! Tarantino loves making women the hero of his films. He has a unique feminist voice, and I love all his movies.”

Character Who Should’ve Been a Lesbian: “The role of Queen Gorgo played by Lena Headey in the movie 300. Yeah, I know she was his loyal queen wife and all that, but it would have been more fun if she were Leonidas’ younger dyke sister. She was just too damn badass to be straight!”

Gabrielle Christian

Gabrielle Christian has played Spencer Carlin for three seasons on South of Nowhere. Now 23 years old, she has appeared in numerous other TV shows, including most recently CSI: Miami.

Best Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen for No Country for Old Men

Most Frightening: Sweeney Todd was gruesome, man! But then again I hate anything that has to do with necks. Therefore, seeing them carved up and splashing blood … oh my God, I am going to puke (it was a whole lot easier to watch onstage from the nosebleed seats at the Kennedy Center).”

Character Who Should’ve Been a Lesbian: “Keira Knightley in Atonement – wowza.”

Character Who Should Guest-star on South of Nowhere: “Miss Ellen Page! She is so cute and confident. Spence would dig her.”

Role I Would’ve Killed For: “Kristen Stewart’s role in Into the Wild (my favorite film of the year). Stewart is smoking hot in it, plus she gets to sing, play an instrument, live in a happening trailer park, and last but not least, hang out with Emile Hirsch (which is even hotter).”

Jenni Olson

Jenni Olson is currently developing a new feature film, Get Me Guinevere Turner. Her first feature, The Joy of Life, premiered at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival, and her historical movie trailer programs (including Homo Promo) have been shown at film festivals around the world. She is the author of The Queer Movie Poster Book and The Ultimate Guide to Lesbian & Gay Film and Video, and is a leading expert on LGBT cinema history.

Best Actress: “Ellen Page [Juno] is captivating in one of the best-written female roles of the year; she manages to evolve from wacky and charismatic to poignant and complex.”

Best Short Documentary: Freeheld

Best Scene: “The scene most vivid in my memory is from a film that I really did not enjoy, No Country for Old Men. But the final scene is absolutely mesmerizing, as Tommy Lee Jones sits at the kitchen table in the early morning light and describes how he dreamed of his dead father. Vanessa Redgrave’s final scene in Atonement is similarly gripping.”

Gayest Straight Character: “Definitely Erica Bain (Jodie Foster’s character in The Brave One). The scene where she rescues the hooker (played by the gorgeous Zoe Kravitz) in the back seat of the car is fantastic! The way Jodie plays the scene is so sensual and suggestive (and I am not imagining this – watch it and see for yourself), she seems almost like she’s going to kiss her. The shot is very tight and intimate. Really provocative.”

Best Lesbian Motion Picture: Itty Bitty Titty Committee. This is absolutely my favorite movie of the year and one of the most enjoyable, fun, sexy, politically astute lesbian movies ever made.”

Most Watchable Performance by a Straight Actress: “Keira Knightley in anything.”

Mandana Jones

From 1999—2001, Mandana Jones played the iconic lesbian inmate Nikki Wade on Bad Girls, the British TV show now being rebroadcast on Logo (AfterEllen.com’s parent company). These days, Jones has a 2-year-old son and says she’s more qualified to review children’s TV shows like Postman Pat than recent films, but she offered several awards based on movies she’s seen in the past five years.

Favorite Movie: House of Sand and Fog. I was just sobbing with it. I loved the pace and thought the performances were quite staggering. It was about hopes and love and lost love, and just the agony that is life, really. I was so affected by it.”

Actor I Most Want to Work With: “I am a great admirer of Philip Seymour Hoffman. I would love to act with him and wouldn’t miss him if he was appearing in town. I saw his play Jesus Hopped the ‘A’ Train twice.”

Actor/Writer I Most Admire: “Ricky Gervais. He is a f—ing genius. I came to know him through The Office, and he’s great in Extras too. He takes the viewer on a journey: One minute you’re racked by the mundanity of the human experience – how difficult and tragic and impossible it is, how predictably unsatisfying – and the next moment you’re laughing at how totally hilarious it is. He never sells out, ever, ever, ever, and there’s a real poignancy and perceptiveness about the work he does.”

Favorite Love Scene: “I can’t think of any man-woman or woman-woman love scene I’ve thought was particularly stunning, but I’ve never forgotten Moonlight Mile, in which Susan Sarandon goes through a fantastic range of emotions related to her daughter’s death. You can watch something like that between a mother and child, and it will get to you so much more because it’s so universal.”

Pratibha Parmar

Out filmmaker Pratibha Parmar directed Nina’s Heavenly Delights and told AfterEllen.com she’s currently “developing a number of screenplays with exciting writers.” In a return to her roots as a documentary filmmaker, she’s also working on a feature documentary about the Pulitzer Prize—winning writer Alice Walker.

Best Director: Sean Penn for Into the Wild

Most Emotional Film of 2007: The Kite Runner was the most emotional because it was honest and moving. The child actors were brave and stunning in their emotional vulnerability, and the story unleashed my tears.”

Most Overrated Film: Atonement

Most Powerful Recent Scene: “The final resolution scene in The Lives of Others was beautifully executed in an understated and unexpected way. This one scene gave poignant meaning to a lonely, quiet life of a former spy whose one small act of kindness had saved a writer’s life.”

2007 Film I Wish I’d Made: Into the Wild, but with a female lead. Coming soon!”

Most Welcome Trend: “The most welcome trend was for films with political edge and substance but nonetheless good entertainment. The writing, directing and acting in films like Michael Clayton, In the Valley of Elah, Grace Is Gone, and The Lives of Others was top-notch, quality stuff. A real cinematic pleasure.”

J.D. Disalvatore

Best-known to lesbian viewers for her short film Gay Propaganda, out producer and director J.D. Disalvatore is offering a “Gay Guide to the Oscar Nominations” on her website. Her latest feature, Shelter, opens nationwide in March.

Best Actress: “I’d like to see Ellen Page win for Juno. She is so lesbionic.”

Brilliant Performances in Under 10 Minutes: “With the nomination of Ruby Dee, they should have a new category for people like Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love (10 minutes) and Beatrice Straight for her six minutes in Network.”

Film I Wish I’d Written or Directed: Away From Her. No one ever deals with issues of the aging in America, plus I think we have a brilliant new voice in actress-turned-director Sarah Polley, who I also enjoyed tremendously in The Secret Life of Words, where she co-starred with Julie Christie.”

Most Promising Trends: “There are several wonderful trends in films lately if you look closely. Documentaries are suddenly getting theatrical release, so now more people can watch films like Sicko and An Inconvenient Truth and see what the news outlets are too scared to show. And really, the best new trend is entertainment content for the internet. … That is going to open up a world of entertainment to everyone. If the networks don’t want to do gay shows, well, someone will make one on the internet, and folks across the world can go and watch it if they want.”

Cathy DeBuono

Cathy DeBuono recently completed filming And Then Came Lola, appeared in Exes & Ohs, is scheduled to star in Tremble and Spark, and can also be seen in 3Way. She is the co-creator and producer of her latest project, Slate and Kelly, in which she plays a lesbian private investigator, and she can be seen every week in her vlog, What’s Your Problem?

Best Film: Juno

Best Actress: Ellen Page for Juno

Gayest Straight Character: “C’mon … Spider-Man.”

Character Who Should Be on Exes & Ohs: “Really? Is this a trick question? Me, of course. Bring Becca back!”

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