“Lesbian Vampire Killers” movie announces its new tag line

What’s in a name? Well, if you’re a movie, your title can mean box-office gold or puzzled looks from people standing in line at the local multiplex.

Titles like Bitch Slap and Lesbian Vampire Killers, coming soon to a theater near you, make me crave popcorn and Raisinets, while others either evoke no reaction or leave me wondering what the hell the film is about. Operation Dumbo Drop sounds like another flawed plan from the Bush administration; 3:10 to Yuma is a bus schedule, as far as I’m concerned; I don’t know Gigli, nor do I think I want to, and don’t get me started on Free Willy.

Meanwhile, self-explanation is a good thing. Lesbian Vampire Killers tells me all I need to know and now has a new tag line: “What more could you possibly want?”

Well, let’s see. How about Naked Lesbian Vampire Killers? Or Naked Lesbian Vampire Killers With Enormous Breasts? Or Naked Lesbian Vampire Killers With Enormous Breasts Who Dig Writers?

The film, which is due out March 2009, focuses on two hapless guys trapped in a Welsh town where all the women folk are under the thrall of a vampire curse. Apparently, there’s a male sacrifice on the moors and a pack of evil lesbian vampires. There is a God.

The comedy-horror-action feature starring MyAnna Buring (The Descent, Red Mist), came under protest in June by a group calling themselves “Angry Lesbians” who took offense to the film for “shamelessly catering to men’s girl-on-girl fantasies.” What about shamelessly catering to lesbians’ girl-on-girl fantasies? I would like to be catered to every now and then.

The persnickety, officious group’s link, “angrylesbians.biz” doesn’t even work, so who are these people, anyway? Do they not know that the film’s score was composed by a woman?

In an interview with the Jewish Chronicle, award-winning British composer Debbie Wiseman said, “It’s the funniest film I’ve ever worked on … The music is real comedy-horror action, fun and full-on.”

Put down your poison pens and picket signs and go dancing, for crying out loud.