The Weekly Geek: Thoughts on “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “Maxim” magazine

We’re smack in the middle of the summer movie season, and things aren’t looking too hot at the moment. I’m speaking specifically about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which has about a .3% chance of being any good, based on the buzz I’ve heard thus far.

In fact, this AWL review makes my top 10 list of “greatest movie reviews of all time”, claiming that “All told the script is way too crude for children; but also, far too childish for teenagers. At least people of every age and gender can have a relationship with Megan Fox‘s phantasmagorical rack.” I can’t top that, folks.

I realize that this is the second week in a row that I’ve mentioned Megan Fox in this column, a young woman who often says things that we don’t agree with. I’m fairly certain that this has to do with the fact that my old Electronic Gaming Monthly (a long-running video game magazine that went kaput last January) subscription has been inexplicably replaced by Maxim, a publication Ms. Fox has graced with her presence many times.

It boggles my mind that a video game magazine — which focused on, you know, video games —was replaced by a decidedly male-oriented publication. It’s a bit insulting, actually — I’m a dork, not an 18 to 34-year-old manchild!

Maxim has always been the publication that I sort of love to hate. Ever since I first curiously spied a stack in a friend’s bathroom (best not to dwell on the location), some years ago, I’ve tried to stay away, even if it does contain some attractive “cheesecake” pictures between its shameless covers.

I have to say, there’s actually a pretty fantastic article in the May 2009 issue (which I received this week — timely, no?) that did a great deal to alleviate my aggravation, an eight-page feature on “The Ultimate Geek Movies.” I’ll spare you all the pain of actually picking up and wading through all the cologne ads, and give a quick rundown of the highlights.

The Babes of Sci-fi blurbs were pretty great. They featured Jessica Alba from Sin City, Malin Akerman in Watchmen, Rebecca Romijn in X-Men, Carrie Fisher in Return of the Jedi and of course, Megan Fox in Transformers. Not a bad list, really, though the lack of Sigourney Weaver in the Alien franchise keeps it from getting my full stamp of approval.

There is also a series of awards for hilarious categories, like “Rockin’est Geek Freaks” (naturally, David Bowie as Jareth in Labyrinth), “Scariest Near Death Scene in Space” (Total Recall) and “Freakiest Interspecies Hookups” (Enemy Mine). Plus, there’s a sidebar from Joss Whedon — feminist extraordinaire and creator of Firefly and Buffy. I know it’s wrong to like a magazine that famously sleazes it up, but this geek movie feature just felt so right.

Maybe, just maybe, Maxim and I can be friends. Or perhaps I’m just in need of a good, solid whack in the noggin with a rolled up magazine.