The most famous lesbian scenes on film, as decided by a non-lesbian

Black Swan is opening this weekend, giving us all a chance to see its much-hyped sex scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. So ABC News decided to highlight some of the “most famous” lesbian scenes in film. What they meant to say was the most famous lesbian-ish scenes in otherwise straight, mainstream films. Here’s what they picked:

1. Naomi Watts and Laura Elena Harring’s hook-up in Mulholland Drive. I’m assuming they mean the first awkward scene, where Watts asks Harring, “Have you ever done this before?” Harring responds with, “I don’t know, have you?” First, pretty sure she would know if she had. But nevermind that. Watts is sweet and says, “I want to with you.” Then there’s more strange open-eye kissing, unnecessary breast shots, and Watts saying she’s in love with Harring — more than once, with no reply. Ouch. Then later, they turn on each other, because, you know, it’s a David Lynch movie, not The Kids Are All Right.

2. Neve Campbell + Denise Richards + swimming pool in Wild Things. OK, as a young gay who loves Campbell since Party of Five, I was all about this scene (as with any mainstream movies I could get away with seeing that had any hint of lesbianism involved). But now, there’s nothing hot about two women physically fighting, then making out. That’s domestic violence, and girl doesn’t have to take it!

3. Bound. The whole point of this obvious choice is all about Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly falling in love and running away together (after screwing over the mob, stashing a body &mdsah; just the usual things girls do when they first get serious, like get a pet). But the “artfully shot” (i.e. up close) sex scene is what they’re talking about here. You know the one: “Here, feel the tattoo on my breast that for some reason, is still raised. Weird. Now let me lick the dirt/paint /engine oil off your fingers. And go!”

4. The “playful and passionate” hook-up between Sara Foster and Jordana Brewster in D.E.B.S. Finally, a choice that’s not so obvious, or mainstream. D.E.B.S. didn’t really catch on until much after it’s release, likely due to the not-at-all-gay marketing. I still think about all those poor, conservative teens who ever rented this film thinking it was just about crime-fighting school girls. The scene in referred to here would have been much better, if not for the action shots cut in — and friends barging in.

5. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair’s saliva overload smooch in Cruel Intentions. While this scene won the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss in 2000, that was purely for comedy. There’s nothing remotely “lesbian” about Gellar’s manipulative character teaching Blair’s naive one how to kiss.

Clearly, I think these choices were obvious, and not really all that lesbian. There are so many more worthy scenes, like Graham and Megan’s dream sex scene in But I’m a Cheerleader (or even their first kiss outside the Cocksucker dance club). There’s the whole body painting scene in Better Than Chocolate and the pre-mental breakdown “Never touch a raptor!” scenes with Piper Perabo and Jessica Paré in Lost and Delirious, and many, many more.

ABC News must not have any lesbians on staff. What do you think are the most famous lesbian sex scenes on film?