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What’s in a name: Celebrity anagrams

I have a disclosure to make: “Ace” is not my full name. It’s actually “Ace Randy Gal.” I have, however, been known to answer to “Carnage Lady.” And occasionally to “Calendar Gay.”

These monikers are the result of a boring afternoon at work coupled with the The Internet Anagram Server. Put a bunch of word nerds in the same room as an anagram server, and you’ve got yourself a party! That was eight years or so ago. “Ace” stuck, and the anagram server (plus the less labor-intensive Anagram Genius Server) get revisited from time to time. Recently, I spent some time procrastinating with the servers and had a blast. Because I’m that big a geek. And because I really didn’t want to do my work.

I learned that one of my friends is an “Arch Lesbian.” And that an AfterEllen.com staffer could be an “Old Animal.” And that there are no good anagrams for my girlfriend’s name. (However, one version of our dog’s name comes out to “Destroyer and Might,” which I think he likes.)

But on the celebrity front, the possibilities abound. (For the record, all of the following anagrams come from the Internet Anagram Server, the Anagram Genius Server or the Anagram Genius Archive.)

I began with The L Word, just because. Kate Moennig, appropriately, is “Token Enigma.” And Erin Daniels is “Ideal Sinner.” (I’m sure my girlfriend thinks so, anyway.) And

Jenny Schecter is “Insufferable, dog-killing wack job.” (But that’s just commentary, not an anagram.) Mia Kirshner is “Shinier Mark” (but if you misspell “Kirshner” as “Kirschner,” you get “Manic Shirker”!) Jenny Schecter + Sounder = “Jesus! Northern Decency.” Daniela Sea is “A sane ideal.” And, for the record, Bette Porter + Tina Kennard = “Broke, penitent retardant.”

Then I moved on to Law and Order: SVU because I like to think about Mariska Hargitay. The SVU anagrams could almost read as surreal dialogue:

Mariska Hargitay: “I am rakish, gay rat!”

Tamara Tunie: “I am a taunter.”

Stephanie March: “Crap! Heathenism.”

And then Diane Neal cuts them an “Inane Deal.”

Bad Girls has a few. Simone Lahbib is “Bimbo Inhales” – which doesn’t seem very nice. But Helen Stewart is “Sweet Enthrall.” And Nikki Wade is “I weak, kind.” And together, they’re “Wanted, streak-like whine.”

Some athlete anagrams are inspired.

Martina Navratilova is “Variant rival to a man.” Annika Sorenstam “ranks as man, I note.” And Brandi Chastain is “this drab maniac.” And some singers are perfect.

To Celine Dion, one can say, “No, I decline.” And to Whitney Houston, “Shut it now, honey!” Dolly is “Dynatrollop” – which could be a song title. And Carrie Underwood: “Adore … or crude win?” Of course, there are plenty more AfterEllen.com favorites to consider.

We learn about Sigourney Weaver, “Reviews anger you.” And we hope that if she has them, Kyra Sedgwick does not “wreck gay kids.” And Claire Danes thinks “lads are nice.”

Re: Sarah Michelle Gellar, “Hell! Her’s real magical.” Cate Blanchett should “cancel that bet.” And Kate Winslet is “sweet-talkin’.”

And then there are the couples.

Sarah Paulson and Cherry Jones inspire, “Oh, Jesus! Hypercarnal arson.” And Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn produce “mightily elementary madness.” Finally, Jodie Foster and Cydney Bernard leave “nearby defectors joy-ridden.” The world of politics, however, is where things get a little eerie.

Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton tells us, “Only I can thrill.” Under her full name, Hillary Rodham Clinton, she wants to “Lynch harlot in mid-oral.” (Which brings us, inevitably, to Monica Lewinsky, “Lo, my wank is nice.”) William Jefferson Clinton “jilts nice women. In for fall.” And together, Bill and Hillary Clinton “chill on brilliantly.” On the Republican side, we know of George Bush, “He bugs Gore.” And George W. Bush, “He grew bogus.” Of Republican contender Mitt Romney, “My! Merit not.” And Condoleeza Rice might want to “decolonize race.” (The first female Secretary of State, Madeline Albright, could retort, “I’m the able darling.”)

Along similar lines, former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was “that great charmer.” And former Prime Minister Golda Meir could have sacrilegiously claimed, “E.g., I am Lord.”

Finally, in the quasi-religious quadrant, we have vitriolic pundit Ann Coulter. – aka “Unclean Rot.” Personally, I’d rather be “Ace Randy Gal.”

Those are only a few of the endless anagram options! You, too, can while away the hours finding variations on your name and others. Check here for one (usually pretty good) anagram per name, and here for every possible anagram per name. And report your finds!

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