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Interview with Page Hurwitz

Page Hurwitz’s MySpace profile lists her occupation as “Misanthrope/Birthday Clown.” But when she’s not grumbling about the human race or making balloon animals for squealing children, Hurwitz is developing, producing and writing comedy shows for television, and writing captions for photos of herself.

Page Hurwitz in a completely candid photo

A New York native now living in Los Angeles, Hurwitz began her comedy career performing at Josie’s Cabaret and Juice Joint, the fabled venue in San Francisco’s Castro District that also helped launch the careers of Margaret Cho, Whoopi Goldberg, Lea DeLaria and Marga Gomez.

Hurwitz spent the next several years touring all over the U.S. and Canada, and writing for various TV and film projects for Comedy Central, NBC, Warner Bros. Animation and Nickelodeon. Most recently, Hurwitz co-executive produced and wrote the fourth season of the hit NBC show, Last Comic Standing.

Hurwitz can also be seen on the 2005 Logo comedy special, Wisecrack, delivering a hilarious stand-up performance that was taped live at the Abbey in Los Angeles.

The Abbey is also where I met with Hurwitz to talk about Last Comic Standing and her future projects, whether women are funnier than men, and what we love about our fellow Angelinos. (Again, all photos and captions provided by Hurwitz.)

AfterEllen: Last Comic Standing just wrapped another season. Tell me who won, because I don’t want to look it up.

PH: You mean you didn’t watch it?

AE: I didn’t watch it.

PH: You’re such a … Listen, Donna, this is ridiculous, do you even know what the name of the show is? It’s Sabrina the Teenage Witch, [laughs] the one with the mechanical cat. That cat is hilarious.

AE: [laughs] What? A mechanical cat won Last Comic Standing?

PH: No. A woman named Iliza Shlesinger won Last Comic Standing. It’s the first time a woman has won.

AE: That’s great. Why don’t women win more often?

PH: Women don’t win at anything, Dara.

AE: Oh yeah, I forgot.

PH: There’s a misconception that women aren’t as funny as men. I think you can argue that men aren’t as funny as women. If you look at the sheer number of people who audition for our show, 90 percent are male, and an overwhelming majority of them don’t make it. The women that audition actually have a better percentage of success, at least in the early rounds. But I’m just making a stupid argument. Honestly, it’s stupid to say that men are funnier than women, or women are funnier than men, or gay people are funnier than straight people.

Funny is funny; it doesn’t matter who you are. Although Scandinavians aren’t funny at all.

AE: No, not like Norwegians; they’re hysterical. Especially gay Norwegians.

PH: We’ve had a lot of gay and lesbian performers on our show. We’ve had Michele Balan. This season, we had Erin Foley. And there have been a ton of gay and lesbian comics who get auditions and make it to the nighttime rounds, so they get some camera time. Sabrina Matthews was on the show in a previous season, too. I love her.

AE: Oh yeah, me too. She’s one of my favorites. What are you working on these days?

PH: I’m developing a series for TBS, called Comedy Road Show, a variety show that will feature local and regional performers, like a modern-day vaudeville. We’ll also have short films and animation, and novelty comedy acts.

AE: I’d like to see a conjoined twin comedy act. Can you do something about that?

PH: You know, Denise, it’s funny you say that. I was just talking about conjoined twins. I had a show last night and I was thinking, “Oh, damn it, I should have said ‘conjoined twins.'”

AE: OK, Madge, I’m just going to ask you random things now. Why is Bravo TV so gay?

PH: Everything on that channel is totally gay. And it’s smart; it’s all about the advertising dollars, and guess who happens to have a lot of disposable income?

AE: That explains why I have a GE freezer full of Glad Press’n Seal bags and a Toyota Highlander in my driveway.

PH: I also like Top Chef. I think Magical Elves do a really good job with those shows; they’re riveting because it’s not just some jackass in a tank with a barracuda and everybody laughs and laughs and laughs. On Top Chef, or Project Runway, they’re actually creating something, so it feels rewarding to see it go from start to finish.

After a gig on a lesbian cruise ship, Page tries to kill herself.

AE: You lived in San Francisco, but now you live here, in Los Angeles. What do you like best about L.A.?

PH: I love how genuine all the people are. They’re generous and they’re selfless.

AE: You are so right.

PH: I think we should start a game. We should have dinner with 10 of the biggest narcissists we know and see if they wind up having conversations with themselves. Ten soliloquies going on at the same time. It would be awesome. We could do that dinner every night.

AE: We’d never run out of people, and we’d never have the same person twice.

PH: And the person who can talk about themselves the most gets a prize.

AE: What do they win, a mirror?

PH: Another mirror.

AE: A gilded mirror.

PH: An autographed picture of themselves.

AE: Their own headshot. We should do it.

PH: And call it The Narcissist Dinners. And we could film it.

AE: Some of them won’t even know what “narcissist” means. “What is it? Some kind of Greek food?”

PH: They won’t even know it’s Greek. They’ll think, “Oh, I love Spanish things.”

AE: Listen. In all seriousness, the people here are all about doing good works.

PH: Yeah, good deeds. It’s Mitzvahland, this whole town. Every day, I wake up, and I think, “What great thing is gonna happen today? Am I going to witness an actress saving a baby?”

AE: On my way over here, I saw Shia LeBeouf pulling someone from a burning car in front of Dolce & Gabbana. Across the street, Tori Spelling was performing the Heimlich on her personal assistant.

PH: Happens all the time, Debbie.

AE: All day long. Do you know what else I like about L.A.? All the bathrooms have toilet-seat cover dispensers.

PH: Isn’t that universal?

AE: I don’t think so, but it’s a law here.

PH: I like the [health department’s] letter grade system for the restaurants. Because as soon as you see that “B” in the window, you just make a U-turn.

AE: I only eat at places with an “A.” Although I heard it’s very easy to fall into a “B” because all it takes is one broom in the wrong place at the wrong time.

PH: I don’t know. I’ve heard that getting an “A” can still mean there are rat feces in the kitchen.

AE: But just the acceptable amount, not an unhealthy amount.

PH: Here’s my question, Marie. Why, when it comes to rodents, do we use the term “droppings”? But for cows, it’s called manure, and for others, it’s feces.

AE: Rodent poop is small and dainty. “Manure” doesn’t sound right. Also, they don’t stop to relieve themselves; it just falls out of them as they’re walking. They “dropped” it.

PH: That’s kind of embarrassing, isn’t it? Why isn’t it just “feces” for everyone? That should be the title of my biography, Feces for Everyone.

AE: Animals are lucky. They never have to buy a latte just to use the bathroom.

PH: That would be great, actually, if you could just pull down your … what am I saying, anyway? My agent’s gonna drop me.

Funny Face

AE: I’ve often wondered why people can’t just lie down wherever they are when they’re tired and take a nap, like animals do.

PH: They do. Haven’t you noticed?

AE: Page, we need to talk about things that I can actually use in this interview.

PH: All right, let’s talk about this: When you ask people what they find attractive about someone, they always say “has to be funny.” How is it possible that everyone’s funny? So many people who are coupled will say, “The biggest thing for me is sense of humor.” Really? Well, have you talked with your girlfriend? Because I have.

AE: Funny is now in the same category as “attractive” and “above average.” These days, everyone’s funny, attractive and above average. It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

PH: Well, I can tell you who I think is funny. Wanda Sykes is very funny. Caroline Rhea is very funny; she doesn’t just weigh people [on The Biggest Loser] and practice magic. She’s a great stand-up. Judy Gold [and] Kathleen Madigan are funny. For up-and-coming people, Erin Foley is really funny. Jessica Kirson is absolutely hilarious. I also like Erin Jackson, Andi Smith and Sarah Hyland. And I’m hilarious.

AE: You are hilarious. Which do you like doing more, writing or performing stand-up?

PH: It’s a tossup. I love writing because you don’t have the pressure of having to stand up in front of people who may or may not be drunk, or who may or may not know why they’re there, and try to make them laugh. However, nothing beats the high of being on stage and getting that instant gratification and having fun. Lately, I’ve been enjoying stand-up because I’m not putting pressure on myself anymore. I make my living writing and producing, so [stand-up] is a lot more fun. I can get on stage and just talk and have a blast.

No, it’s not the Learning Annex, it’s Page “having a blast.”

AE: Were you voted Class Clown in high school?

PH: I was voted Rowdiest, which was our version of Class Clown. And I was also unofficially voted Most Condescending.

AE: That’s awesome. I was voted Most Apathetic and Least Likely to Show Up for Graduation, which I guess is the same thing. What clique were you in?

PH: For most of high school, my friends were older, and when they graduated, I was like, “Oh crap, now I have to be friends with the people in my own class.” But I did, and had a group of best friends that were in my class.

AE: Did any of them become professional entertainers like you did?

PH: No, but a lot of my friends are in the business, which is interesting. It’s so weird that New York Jews would go into entertainment.

AE: That’s freaky. Were you out in high school?

PH: Oh God, no. I didn’t really know I was “gay” until I was, I don’t know, 25 or 26. I mean, I knew but couldn’t admit it to myself. I didn’t really come out until later than that. [laughs] I know that’s pathetic.

AE: I’m sure you were very busy up until then. Hey, we recently learned we were born in the same hospital. And we both wore little corrective shoes when we were babies.

PH: Were you pigeon-toed or outward?

AE: Pigeon-toed; I had to have my feet trained to face forward.

PH: Same here.

AE: You know what? I bet it was that hospital we were born in.

PH: I bet it was too. We should do a study.

AE: We should sue them, is what we should do. I bet there’s more of us out there.

PH: Let’s call JAMA, and see if anyone’s done a study on this. I bet you there is. And I bet no one knows what I’m talking about right now. But, yeah, I had the bar.

AE: This might also be why we’re both gay.

PH: Because we had f—ed up feet?

AE: Because of that hospital. It’s a teaching hospital; who knows what they were doing to us in there.

PH: “Hey, let’s screw around with everyone’s feet and sexual orientation.” Yeah, that’s exactly what happened.

AE: We have to get in there and find out what else is going on.

PH: All right, Lucy, let’s go check it out. This is a harebrained scheme – I love it.

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