Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to live her lifestyle

Gwyneth Paltrow has decided to break into the world of online media ventures with the launch of GOOP, an inspirational “lifestyle” website for women. Well one thing’s for sure: If it’s anything like some of her acting ventures from recent memory (Shallow Hal, anyone?), it will be less-than-inspiring.

However, I’m a woman, and I’m open to the prospect of being inspired, so I figured I should at least give it a chance. Based on the site’s introductory post (the only content available so far), here’s the scoop on GOOP.

Paltrow’s life is “good,” and on top of that, she is a good person. She is healthy and hard-working, and she loves being a mom. But the really exciting thing about all this is that she wants to help us make our lives good, too!

That’s right, Paltrow — who was born into the wealth and celebrity afforded by famous parents (actress Blythe Danner and director Bruce Paltrow) — is going to generously share her experiences and wisdom so that all of womankind may benefit. (Feeling inspired yet?)

OK, first things first: What exactly does “GOOP” mean? The answer to this question is crucial, because according to the site (which contains no hints as to the meaning of the term), GOOP is “what makes life good.” Yes, a word suggesting slime, sludge or muck is apparently your key to a better life. Well I for one know that my life would be a whole lot better if I could understand Paltrow’s rationale in choosing this name for her website.

Another pressing question: Why is Paltrow doing this? Perhaps she feels that her perfect life (lucrative acting career, rock star husband, two babies, Madonna as a BFF) could inspire the scores of poor unfortunate women out there whose lives are so not perfect. Or perhaps the 36 year-old actress — who recently appeared on Oprah to discuss motherhood, dieting, cooking and other such womanly concerns — has her sights set on becoming the next Martha Stewart. She’s already got the whole “aloof domestic goddess” thing practically down pat. Soon enough she’ll be insider trading and chilling with P. Diddy.

Hordes of women buy into lifestyle advice publications; just look at Oprah’s and Martha’s respective empires. So the market is out there for Paltrow’s site. But will GOOP prove to be inspirational or just plain slimy?