11 Problems Only Femmes Will Understand

There are certain things that come along with having long hair, preferring dresses or standards of beauty that are seen as “acceptable” by mainstream society. But we don’t apologize for it, because it’s who we are! And while we realize that butch and androgynous/masculine-presenting girls have their own issues, here are 11 we don’t share with them.

1. We always have to hold onto someone else’s shit. 

Oh, this purse here? Sure, it can fit your wallet, keys, cellphone and chapstick. Nevermind all my own stuff!

2. We can’t always wear the highest of heels (hello all you short butches)

Sometimes your girlfriend doesn’t want to be the Tom Cruise in the relationship and suggests some flats. (Pro tip: Compromise and go with the kitten heels.)

3. No one knows you are gay, so you have to come out all the time. 

Constantly. Like, dudes hitting on you at bars or strangers asking what your husband does.

4. You are told you don’t look gay.

 Even though they totally know who Portia de Rossi is, so WTF?!



5. Other femmes might be territorial around you. 

Because lesbian women are women, too, and unfortunately, women can fall prey to insecurities, jealousy and general sassiness. It ain’t right, but it happens!

6. People assume you aren’t good at sports.

 I once joined a flag football team and was rarely put in the game because my butch coach assumed I wouldn’t know how to handle the ball or a tough, handsy woman coming at me. AU CONTRAIRE.

7. You get a lot of shit if you date butches. 

Friends, family or people you don’t know will ask why you don’t just date a guy if you want to date a girl that looks like one.

8. You get a lot of shit if you date femmes. 

Friends, family or people you don’t know will think you’re a narcissist, especially if you share similar characteristics/clothing.

9. At gay bars, people assume you’re straight. 

You might be called a “fag hag,” asked to leave or wait forever to get served from a judgey bartender.

10. Androgynous or butch girls will tell you that you have it easier because you pass.

While it’s true femmes do have a certain amount of privileges that come with “passing” as hetero, those are often the same privileges we try to get rid of by constantly screaming “I AM GAY” to anyone who dares think otherwise.

11. You’re expected to be a full-time pillow princess.

We’re not all pillow princesses. Just saying.