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The Femme Jury: Rating Pop Culture Butches

In 2007 we published our list of “The Top 15 Hottest Butch Women,” in which a group of our writers rated Joan Jett, Kate Moennig and other masculine women/pop culture characters on their handiness, hair and fashion, butch attitude and hotness in a tank top. Four years later, we knew we needed to do another one, with all new women (except for one – Ellen) and a new panel.

Our judges:

Emily Hartl, AfterEllen.com Styled Out writer and self-identified femme

Anna Pulley, AfterEllen.com Hook Up columnist and the harshest critic

Erika Star, Portland Scene writer and self-described “homofeminine”

Meg Streit, Chicks Getting Hitched columnist and high-femme

Trish Bendix, AfterEllen.com managing editor and femme by default of having hardcore butch love

Now “butch” is something not easily identified, but in this instance, we’re considering the elements typically associated with being a butch woman. It’s all in fun and each person/character is rated on a scale of 1 – 5, with 5 being the highest. I averaged each of the panelist’s scores to come up with their final ranking. OVERALL SCORE: 16.975 Handiness – 4.375 Hair and fashion – 3.9 Butch attitude – 4.2 How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 4.5

No one could deny Legs’ general bad-assness. And, lucky for her, we love the ’90s because she’s still got enough swagger to make us swoon.

Anna says, “She’s got all the trappings of butchness: The motorcycle boots, leather jacket, ribbed tank, tattoos, short, shaggy do, etc. She’s definitely handy with a switchblade, as she uses it to save Maddy from those douchey guys.”

My two cents: She started a girl gang and they gave each other tattoos. She climbs, she hangs off bridges, she will defend your honor. We honor her with the top butch spot. TOTAL SCORE: 16.55 Handiness – 4.3

Hair and fashion – 4.05

Butch attitude – 4.2

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 4

Just looking a Lisbeth give you an idea of how tough she is. And we definitely want to see her in a tank, even though Erika is correct in saying, “I’m pretty sure you couldn’t get her in a white anything if you tried. Black and shredded? Yes, please.”

It’s her dark interior that matches her exterior that has us all giving her the top ratings, though Meg notes “She looks more troubled than butch.” Still, Meg is pretty sure if “she can hack computers, she can hang a mirror.”

TOTAL SCORE: 15.25 Handiness – 4

Hair and fashion – 3.4

Butch attitude – 4.15

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 3.7

The rapper is fearless with her swagger. “Shunda is a straight up stud!” Emily says, while Meg thinks she probably is so handy, she has a “toolbelt next to her white tank tops.” Erika likes her skills and her abs, and Anna says, “While I’m not normally a fan of the sports bra and army cargo shorts look, she totally rocks it.”

And she also had some points for being pals with Peaches, which apparently makes you more butch. OVERALL SCORE: 15 Handiness – 3.3

Hair and fashion – 4

Butch attitude – 4.2

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 3.5

Though we’re not sure how good she is with power tools, Meg says, “She’s so brilliant, I’m sure she’d figure it out.” We decided to discuss Maddow in her own clothes versus the look she sports on TV, but take a lot of our informed decisions on her butch attitude based on how she takes politicos to task.

Her intelligence, coupled with the visual we get when we imagine how she looks in a tank top, gave her a decidedly higher score. OVERALL SCORE: 14.45

Handiness – 3.6

Hair and fashion – 3.6

Butch attitude – 3.1

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 4.15

The MEN frontwoman is likely to be pretty handy considering, as Erika notes, she has to lug around all that musical equipment while on tour. Anna awards JD “for her adorable mustache” and the general consensus is that she is the ultimate sensitive and creative-minded butch.

“JD has everything I could ask for in a butch,” Emily says. “Looks, sense of humor, creative genius and if her tweets say anything about her, she’s like the sweetest alive.”

OVERALL SCORE: 12.7

Handiness – 2.6

Hair and fashion – 3.7

Butch attitude – 3

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 3.4

The eye-makeup was a little too much for our panelists, who thought she could use a lot less eyeliner. But it was her fashion sense and ability to look really, really good in just about anything that gave her an edge.

And Anna says, “Points for being a tatted up badass who smokes and swears like a sailor.” OVERALL SCORE: 12.25

Handiness – 2.65

Hair and fashion – 4.1

Butch attitude – 2.75

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 2.75

Most agreed that Ellen wouldn’t be super handy because she’d probably have people to be handy for her, and also that she would probably look fine in a tank top, but we prefer her in the clothes we usually see her in.

Meg says, “I’m sure she looks great in just about anything, but I think tailored blazers and ties are more her territory than white tank tops. That said, I wouldn’t mind seeing a shot of her lounging around in one at home with Portia.”

Emily thinks Ellen’s butch factor has dipped a little bit in the last few years. “Ellen is a refreshing butch in the way that she’s incredibly stylish and masculine in all the right ways. I do wish she’d get off the vegan train and gain a few pounds back, her overly skinniness is taking away some of her hot factor for me.” OVERALL SCORE: 11.4 Handiness – 2.4

Hair and fashion – 2.9

Butch attitude – 3.4

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 2.7

Sajdah’s relative newness to being out got her docked. “She is so new to lesbianism that she’s a complete idiot and juvenile dater and it brings me back to my junior gay days that I’m pretty glad are far behind me,” Emily says. “Grow up and then we’ll talk!” However, her butch uniform is in check. Erika points out: “V-necks, check. Flat Brim hat, check.”

The Real L Word star might be a little too aggressive and naive for our tastes, but there is no denying she is a butch (or a butch-in-training).

OVERALL SCORE: 11.3

Handiness – 2.8

Hair and fashion – 2.4

Butch attitude – 3.4

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 2.7

Anna sums up The Real World: San Diego star as such: “She’s like a lesbian frat boy. The drag king persona is hot, but she loses points for seeming like such a douchebucket, i.e. embodying the parts of masculinity that are gross and misogynistic. Once you have a ball cap and gigantic blinged-out pendant with your initial on it, you’ve gone too far.”

Emily adds, “I mean, she would for sure sling a tool belt but that doesn’t mean I want to make out with her. I have standards, people.” Erika agrees: “Not sure about her aptitude with power tools, but she definitely seems comfortable being a tool. Zing!”

As the only person whose votes might have upped Sam’s scores, I have to assume I am the only one who has watched every episode of The Real World: San Diego so far. She is surely a baby butch who employs some poor tactics when it comes to hooking up with girls, but I do find her pride in being gay endearing. Alas, as Erika writes, “You don’t get points for thinking you’ve got swagger.” OVERALL SCORE: 8.7

Handiness – 1.7

Hair and fashion – 2

Butch attitude – 2.5

How Hot Does She Look in a White Tank Top – 2.5

The reason Cindy is on this list is because she was described as butch before the film even came out. Obviously, we did not agree, as she’s the least butch on our list. Anna asks, “Cindy is butch? Compared to what, American Apparel ads? She does have a commanding lawyerly presence at times, but hipster glasses and ponytails do not a butch make.”

And while she could be quite handy in helping you with some legal issues, Meg thinks Cindy is more likely to do the laundry than heavy lifting.

Who would you like to rate on butchness? Anyone you got that surpasses the ones on this list and the original one?

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