A Skin Care Guide for Cheap Gay Girls

It has come to my attention that most of you aren’t taking care of your skin. Some of you aren’t even using face wash! Ladies: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Your skin is incredibly important. It contains everything that makes you a functioning, living person. For the rest of your life, your skin will be there. Glaring at you. Aging. Blemishing. Dying a little more every day. Just. Like. You. So let’s make it count, and nurture our epidermises like the magnificent butterfly miracles they are.

This article will break down three different but equally simple regimes that you (yes, you!) can afford and implement with minimal annoyance. With just a few steps in the morning and night, your skin will glow with health and cleanliness.  This isn’t about bending to the patriarchy or oppressive beauty standards; this is about doing something good for your body without spending a significant chunk of money. Every product I list comes with excellent ratings, glowing reviews, and a price tag of less than $30.

Let the self-love commence!


Face Wash


Cruel Awakening: Your skin is dirty. You can’t just wake up and splash some water on it like an expositional sitcom scene and think that those cheeks are not riddled bacteria. Imagine a cheeseburger. It looks super tasty at first, but by the end of the day, dirt, sweat, and life have wilted it to a sad, sad burger that only a drunk poor person (meee) would eat. Sweat and oil dribble out of your glands (ghastly words), dirt and dust particles waft into your pore, pollution and sun damage take their cruel toll. So just wash your face.

If you have: Dry Skin

Try Neutrogena Ultra Gentle Daily Cleanser, $9Screen Shot 2015-03-27 at 3.07.07 PM


If you have: Oily Skin

Try Mario Badescu Badescu Enzyme Gel, $15

Screen Shot 2015-03-27 at 3.08.03 PM

If you have: Sensitive Skin

Try Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, $11

Screen Shot 2015-03-27 at 3.08.41 PM

If you have: Combination Skin

Try Mario Badescu Glycolic Foaming Cleanser, $15

Screen Shot 2015-03-27 at 3.09.24 PM