Welcome, Good Wifers, back to the offices of Lockhart Gardner. I’ll be taking over recapping duties from the righteous Linster for this season; hope you don’t mind, and that I can do her justice! Here’s a quick refresher of where we left off back in April:
Kalinda is up to all sorts of dangerous shenanigans. First FBI Agent Alana was all, “I want to have sex with you but am still going to endanger your life by talking about you with this supah scary drug dude, sorry girl.” Harsh. We then found out that Kalinda’s mysterious husband is looking for her, who is also supah scary and involved with the drugs somehow. The third season ended with her sitting on a chair facing a door, waiting for him with a loaded gun sitting beneath her fine ass.
In another area of town, Alicia was contemplating whether or not to be all chummy with the fam in a united Florrick household, as she watched Chris Noth sit down to a cozy dinner with the kids through a window. I mean, there was pizza involved, and pizza is a tough negotiator.
Meanwhile in the biz, the power team of Michael J. Fox and Martha Plimpton tornadoed their way through Lockhart Gardner, whisking away a huge settlement and snatching their biggest client, essentially saying, “We’re crushing y’all. Peace.”
So basically, everything is pretty calm.
And now down to business!
AFTERELLEN BAIT: KALINDA CONTINUES TO DO SEXY THINGS IN THE DARK
This episode starts off right where we wanted it, with Kalinda waiting in the dark at that door. A smarmy white dude enters, who we soon learn is not the husband, but one of the husband’s cronies, who Kalinda quickly proceeds to disarm and then, after learning that he was the one harassing Alicia at home, smacks him in the face with his own gun. As a lady does to defend another lady.
There is a short, hectic scramble on the floor after Smarmy Crony is able to flick Kalinda’s gun away as well, but Kalinda comes out on top after she grabs the sledgehammer that happens to be lying around and brings it down on Smarmy Crony’s arm. Kalinda: a girl who knows how to use a sledgehammer. Kalinda: the absolute best ever.
Smarmy Crony’s phone rings, and Kalinda picks it up to say, “Hi honey. It’s over. Move on. I’m staying.” So we know that 1) She isn’t returning to this sketchy husband dude, and 2) She’s not leaving Chicago, either. Because, you know, Alicia. And maybe some other stuff, as in not wanting to be running away from a man anymore, and sexy lady times, and other things. The only thing that matters is she’s staying. All things yay!
Except, of course, Sketchy Husband shows up anyway, sneakily reporting to Lockhart Gardner as a new client. Kalinda slips into the elevator with him when she notices him at the office, and a whole bunch of aggressive domestic abuse ensues.
All of this violence is sexy in a way because seeing Kalinda kick ass is always sexy, but I still want Sketchy Husband to just go away. But in the end, I can’t complain too much, because this obviously sexually heightened sparring leads to this scene, when they end up back at her apartment and the moonlight lands on the boobies just right.
If you’re worried that the beating-each-other-up sexytimes is swaying Kalinda back to the dark side, never fear. Thirty seconds later, she sits up and has a trusty gun in hand again. The fighting was fun and all, but seriously dude, leave.
Kalinda in a bustier in bed with a gun and nothing hurt.
In the only brief Kalicia heart to heart near the end of the episode, however, it becomes clear that Sketchy Husband is still going to be sticking around for this season as a real client at Lockhart Gardner, in some mission to be The Best Drug Dealer Ever, Legally, or something. I don’t know. I just hope it’s not too much of a drag on Kalinda’s “flexibility.” I don’t think we have to be too worried, as even in the midst of this drama, she’s still able to share a delightful little scene with a K-9 Cop Lady Expert, who she calls in to help Alicia with some legal matters at one point. (We’ll get to that in a moment.)
Not only is this lady 1) fine, and 2) in charge of an adorable German Shepherd, but she also shares some apparently saucy history with Kalinda. They exchange Lady Love Eyes and K-9 Lady tells Kalinda that her dogs miss her. (Heartstrings!) Yet this exchange is still all too brief as Kalinda is quickly distracted by Sketchy Husband walking in. Geesh, what a nuisance, that guy.