Previously on Once Upon A Time, Emma and Regina did magic together, Red all but proposed to Snow White, Ruby almost kissed Belle but chained her up instead, and Mulan shoved her hand in Aurora’s chest to replace the heart she won back for her. Everything was gay and nothing hurt (until they didn’t invite Regina to dinner).
We open with the not-so-welcome reminder that Cora and Captain Eyeliner have docked in Storybrooke, their intentions less than pure. Hook wants to storm in, guns (swords?) blazing, but Cora gives the kind of speech a grandmother would give and tells him to cool his jets. A kindly fisherman comes and offers to open his tackle shop early for them, but Cora turns him into a fish. Poor soul never stood a chance.
The next day, somewhere else in Storybrooke, Henry and Emma return from a shopping trip to find David and Mary Margaret in bed together. Henry’s all “Are you taking a nap?” but Emma’s horrified expression indicates she knows what this Afternoon Delight is about. She then says something about tacos and my mind went to an inappropriate place.
Back in Fairytale Land, a sexy-armor-clad Queen Regina is riding around, hunting for Snow White. They end up in a clearing and Snow begs Regina to surrender. She refuses, however, and just before Regina strikes with magic of her own, she is frozen by a ball of fairy dust. The whole thing was a setup (except the chance to surrender) and now she’s a prisoner of Team Charming.
In present-day Storybrooke, everyone is partying at Granny’s, celebrating the return of our heroines. They toast to good fortune and turn as someone enters. When they realize it’s Regina, most of them freak the freak out.
Emma tells them to calm down though because-get this-SHE INVITED HER. She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her parents even pulled her aside to ask her what she was thinking but she’s insistent that it was the right thing to do. She’s convinced Regina can change. She believes in her.
Emma is talking to Dr. Hopper and notices a sad, lonely Regina who had been eating by herself and is now trying to slink out the door. She chases after her and offers her cake. CAKE. Cakecakecakecake.
Then Regina and Emma have a pretty typical lovers’ quarrel. They’re polite at first, then Regina thanks Emma, then Regina gets snippy when Emma says she doesn’t think Henry should stay over her place yet, then Regina apologizes. Like a hundred times. I didn’t even know she was capable of apologizing so sincerely, but she does it so many times in this one scene. But then Emma let it slip that Dr. Hopper told her Regina’s trying to change. Emma told her in the spirit of second chances, but you can see a fire light behind Regina’s eyes and we all know Jiminy is in a heap-a-trouble.
Sure enough, Regina finds Hopper walking his dalmatian along the piers and confronts the heck out of him. She warns him that it is not wise to break her trust and he rightfully looks pretty frightened as she uses a slew of hilarious references to him being a bug. Ruby tries to break it up by blinding them with her beauty, but Jiminy’s a cricket and Regina only has eyes for Emma, so it’s to no avail.
Long ago in the Enchanted Forest, Team Charming is having a meeting of the knights of the round table and they vow to kill the queen. None of this is really entirely new information but it did give us a pretty awesome shot of Li’l Red looking all regal and important in her cloak.
Back to present-day, Regina struts her way into Dr. Hopper’s office. She seems a little off, like her rage has escalated for no reason. She grabs the good doctor by the throat, magically freezes Pongo (Pongo!) and kills poor Archie. Seems a pretty sharp turn from trying-to-be-better-for-Henry, right? RIGHT. BECAUSE IT WAS CORA DISGUISED AS REGINA. WHICH, QUITE FRANKLY, IS JUST RUDE.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have Emma and Henry being adorable and having breakfast together. Emma is going to walk him to the bus, because she thinks that’s what good mothers should do, when Pongo comes bounding up to them. Ruby comes out because her wolfy senses were tingling. Archie’s pup goes all Lassie on them and Ruby’s like “What is it boy, is someone crawling out of the well again?” and he mind-messages NO IT’S JIMINY, so they all scurry off to his office. Where they find him, dead as a doornail. RIP Everyone’s conscience.
Flash back to somehow-still-sexy Prisoner Regina being tied to a stake and put up against a firing squad of arrows. Just as the arrows sail into the air, Snow has a change of heart. Luckily, the Blue Fairy is quick-on-her-wings, because otherwise it would have been too late. Snow is still convinced the Evil Queen can change her ways, despite the sociopathic grin on her face as the haul her back to her cell.
The Charming family brings Regina to the interrogation room and Regina’s in a huff because she is pretty sure arguing with someone isn’t illegal. They tell her Archie is dead and her face displays genuine surprise. Snow and Charming think she’s faking it, but Emma believes her and says that she herself wasn’t exactly a fairytale princess before coming to Storybrooke and she’s willing to give Regina the benefit of being innocent until proven guilty.
Interestingly enough, we then flash back to a very parallel story where Emma’s mother is giving Regina a similar benefit. Snow is telling Charming this and he’s resistant but only with his words, since she clearly wears the pants in this relationship. Rumpelstiltskin appears out of nowhere and offers Snow a deal. She questions his motives but is intrigued nonetheless.
The Charming family’s first suspect in the Archie murder investigation is, of course, Mr. Gold. Belle is quick to his defense, and he’s slow to his own. He has an idea-Lassie Pongo can help. Snow and Charming know better than to trust him, so he says Emma can do the magic. She’s unsure she can, but he whips out a dreamcatcher, scoops up some of the pup’s memory and hands it to her.
At first nothing happens, but it turns out she just wasn’t making a ridiculous enough face. Once she does that, they’re able to see what the dalmatian saw-“Regina” killing Archie.
When Emma sees that it really was Regina, she looks downright heartbroken. She was so sure Regina had turned over a new leaf. So sure people could really change.
Back in Prisoner Queen Regina’s cell, Snow makes one last attempt to appeal to the good side of Regina. She knows the woman who saved her life once is in there somewhere. Sadly, it’s buried pretty deep within the person who wants to kill Snow White, and Regina stabs her. Luckily, Rumple had put a spell on Snow and Charming, so Regina can never again hurt them in this world. They banish her to live alone with her conscience until the end of time.
In Storybrooke, armed with this new visual evidence, the Charmings confront Regina. They tell her that Emma used magic to see the truth and Regina says, “You can use magic?” as if it only made her love her more.
Then Regina’s fury and defensiveness takes hold. She knows she didn’t do it but she also knows that now she has no hope of having anyone else believe it. Snow and her prince try to use the same fairy dust magic on her they did before, but Regina saw it coming this time. Regina magics Emma to the ground and not in the sexy way it happens in fanfics. Emma might not be able to fight back with magic yet, but she uses the one weapon she knows will-she tells Regina that Henry is going to hear all about this little stunt, and the murder.
The writers giveth Swan Queen and the writers taketh away.
Waiting for Henry to get off the school bus, Emma has a mini-parenting-panic attack and David and Mary Margaret assure her that it’s all going to be okay. They’re all going to learn how to weirdly parent each other together. It’ll be as messed up as any other family, they promise. Emma picks up Henry and tells him what had happened while he was at school. Regina watches from her Car of Sadness and it’s heartbreaking.
On the Good Ship Invisible, Cora shows Hook what she has hidden in below the ship’s deck-It’s Archie! Alive and-okay, not WELL, but alive! Hook asked who she really killed and she chuckles and says, “How should I know? I’m new in town.” And I suddenly fear for everyone in Storybrooke we hadn’t seen since the “murder.”
Next week, Rumpelstiltskin may or may not be let out into the real world. Heaven help us all.
What did you think of “The Cricket Game”? Did you survive the emotional rollercoaster?
Check out the next page for some of our favorite #SwanQueen tweets this week!
I think Snow White has some good ol’ Catholic guilt going for her. #SwanQueen
– Xan (@Xanadugrrl) January 7, 2013
Umm did Regina just call Emma “Em”?? #swoon #ItsTheLittleThings #SwanQueen
– Max(@HisNameIsMax) January 7, 2013
Emma, you know you just have a massive ladyboner for Regina, it’s okay, you can admit it #OnceUponaTime #swanqueen
– Emily (@wistful_) January 7, 2013
STICK A FORK IN MY RED PEPPER FLAKED LASAGNA I’M DYING OF FEELS #onceuponatime #swanqueen #swaninvitedqueen
– Emy (@moreanntime) January 7, 2013
They should have used Dumbledore’s Pensieve #SwanQueen
– Bangie McD (@DebatingDykes) January 7, 2013
Emma knows when Regina is faking it, okay #ouat #swanqueen
– MazyLoron (@MazyLoron) January 7, 2013
I would like to apply to be a knight of the #OUAT roundtable.I’ll take that empty spot next to Red.It’s really no trouble. #SwanQueen
– Maggie Rose (@margaretrosey) January 7, 2013
Okay, I don’t like it when people are mean to Red, but “Go take yourself for a walk” was hilarious. #SwanQueen
– T(@tylynn_sings) January 7, 2013
If you’d asked me after the pilot who I’d be rooting for the most, I would never have said Regina. But here we are. #evilregal #swanqueen
– Marie (@buknerd) January 7, 2013
OMG MY HEART.NO MOMMIES DON’T FIGHT.#onceuponatime #swanqueen #swaninvitedqueen
– Emy (@moreanntime) January 7, 2013
@lanaparrilla tears are like worse than Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials #swanqueen
– Karly (@karlyko) January 7, 2013
