“Lost Girl” Recap (3.01): Lock me up and throw away the key

They deliver Sylvie’s beautiful baby bird boy and Bo and Lauren hold him together and discuss baby names. Lauren likes Ethan for a boy, Charlotte for a girl. Bo asks is she wants babies and Lauren says “absolutely.” It’s a beautiful Fae-ther has two mommies moment. In fact, to make this beautiful moment of maternal Doccubus love a reality I’d forgo my longstanding hatred of the pregnant lesbian storyline.

Just then, Warden Wanky comes in to maternal-block the happy family picture. Your timing is just the worst, lady. You see, the warden has been breeding and selling the babies of rare Fae. The prison is just an elaborate black market adoption racket. They used a Liderc, a shape-shifting trickster Fae with an accelerated gestation cycle, to impregnate the women.

Bo wonders aloud why the Amazons, a proud and noble race, would go along with such a sleazy scheme. All it takes is one charismatic leader and, bam, everyone’s goose stepping, eh? Just then Lauren tries to call for help and the warden sends 9,000 volts of electricity through her. Someone hurt Lauren? Time for Super Bo to appear. And you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

As Bo and Lauren are learning Warden Wanky’s evil baby farm scheme, and her intent to breed Bo, the rest of the gang decides it’s time to spring into action, finally. But before they can Bo takes her one shot at freeing them all. So, naturally, she plants a big wet one on the warden. Um, sweetie darling, no powers, remember?

But wait, it wasn’t to feel her chi. It was to confirm her stubble. To quote Austin Powers, “That’s a man, baby!” In fact, it’s the male Liderc in question. The warden didn’t use the, spooge – to use a scientific term – that was in the vials after all.  One of the prison guards does an indelicate grab to the nether regions to confirm it and the warden is dragged off by some very, very, very pissed off Amazons.

Now I have heard there were a few complaints about the last scene being possibly transphobic. Which I can understand. Particularly about the method of confirmation, which has been used in the media, and sadly real life, to humiliate and violate transgender people. But I believe this case is different in that this isn’t necessarily a person trying to live her truth, but a trickster trying to fool people for ill-gotten gains. Also, in the context of the Lost Girl universe, the show has never once made an issue of sexuality or portrayed its LGBT characters as anything less than fully realized humans – well, Fae – like everyone else. And with the good comes the bad. Some of the Fae are ostensibly straight, some are gay, some are good, some are bad. Their sexuality does not drive their moral compass. At least, that’s how I see it.

And now, back to the show. Bo releases the prisoners and saves the day, again. Now there’s nothing left to do but look up at Lauren, her eyes now soft, and say, “Time to go, human lover.” They kiss, because my God, is that long overdue.

And then Bo tells Lauren it’s time to give their relationship a real shot. She wants them to be together because life is too short. Lauren looks up with those enormous brown eyes and says, “Really.” Excuse me, I need to go get some paper towels. My heart just melted right out of my chest.

They kiss again, because how could they not? Just then Dyson and Kenzi run up and see them locked in lips together. Even Wolf Boy has to admit they look happy. And we all smile and sigh and press rewind, rewind, rewind, rewind.

Later at the Dal, Bo and Trick are congratulating themselves on another successful completion to a crazy ass scheme. Kenzi inquires about the good doctor and Bo says she’s at home and will “check on her later.” Yes, Kenzi, that’s apparently what the kids are calling it these days. For her heroics, Bo learns Sylvie has decided to name her son Bo. Aw.

But before the warming glow of namesakehood can get too cozy, Bo gets all existential about her heritage again. About how her mother was used like the warden used the prisoners. And how her father is a monster. Does that make her a monster? Trick reassures her she’s not evil. But the poor random guy she drains of chi in the alley on the way to see her girlfriend – yeah, we all caught her calling Lauren her girlfriend – begs to differ.

And there come those old blue eyes again. Brace yourselves, it’s bound to be a monstrous season.

Boobs O’Clock of the Week:

You didn’t think I’d leave you hanging, now did you? So, what did you think of the season opener. I know, I know. Doccubus now, Doccubus forever.