“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.12): Fool Me Once

Hallway! Night!

Chapman is starting her janitorial sentence. Oh, man. I think the opening credits spoiler something in this episode. Careful, show.

Hey, Crazy Eyes is here! Hey, Chapman, remember when your fiancé trashed her heartfelt love poem on a national radio program? Because Suzanne does. She’s cleaning the floor to cope with her messy feelings, and she’s pretty clear-eyed about that.

Chapman offers a pretty lame-ass apology. Crazy Eyes doesn’t care for it. She also notes that the upside to this whole thing is that at least she doesn’t think about trying to make Chapman love her anymore, because now she knows Chapman is a mean person.

Chapman says she isn’t mean. Crazy Eyes tells Chapman she should start mopping from the inside or else she’ll step on the clean on her way out. Chapman’s been doing a lot of stepping on the clean lately.

Alex is here! Chapman admits that midnight janitorial shifts aren’t great. Chapman catches Alex up on her drama with Larry… And also on the fact that she found out that Alex is, in fact, the person who ratted Chapman out. Speaking of relationship drama.

Alex barely blinks. She starts to talk, but then Chapman says she’s over it: “I mean, fool me once…” Chapman reiterates that she’s over it and leaves. Alex’s face suggests that she’s not trusting this version of “over it.” Good instincts, Alex.

Dining hall!

Nice Fischer sees Sister Ingalls wrap up some food and tells her she can’t take food out of the cafeteria. The Sister pleads blood sugar issues and Fischer winks it off. Caputo sees the whole thing.

Diaz and Mom Diaz are eating, or at least trying to. Mustache comes over to Diaz and whispers awkwardly “I like the shape of your ears.” Dammit show, stop making me feel sympathy for Mustache. After a kick from Mom, Diaz asks “What else do you like the shape of?” all seductively. Red watches, as disgusted as the rest of us are.

Morello is in her own world. She misses mimosas. Red says she needs Morello’s help.

Chapman’s cube!

Claudette comes in, bringing a frosty wind with her. She brushes off another of Chapman’s apologies. Lotta footprints on the clean around here. Chapman sniffles and Claudette tells her to stay clean and on her own side if she’s sick. Claudette has a big day tomorrow and won’t have Chapman ruin it — especially since that seems to be her special talent.


Doggett’s minion complains that she hasn’t been talking, which the opposite of most people’s complaints about Doggett.

All images courtesy of Netflix. Photos by Jessica Miglio
oitnb_Doggett Folds

But today Doggett won’t even snap back at Alex. She’s been beaten. And worse, her trip to the Psych Ward proved to her that there is no one in Heaven looking out for her. The other inmates made her think she was special and then broke her faith. There was only one set of footprints in the clean, and they were Chapman’s. Who Doggett calls a bitch-devil.

Alex stands up for Chapman and says she put her ass on the line to get Doggett out of Psych. Doggett and her minion aren’t impressed.

Oh, wow, Doggett is in a bad place. She says there is no reward for the good and there is no one punishing the bad. She thinks we’re all just crawling around on the planet like ants until we die.

Doggett’s flashback!

Doggett’s terrible boyfriend tells her to keep her pregnancy so they can get the government benefits. He should maybe read up on how that sort of thing has been going. He’s the one who wants to be eating all the peanut butter and baby food he thinks they would get anyway. Doggett says she won’t keep it. Terrible Boyfriend mumbles “You never keep it.” I admire the fact that this show uses those sort of gut-punches as throwaway lines.

Doggett says that her cousin was pregnant in the county lockup, and after a drug test, they took the baby away and arrested her cousin for endangering a minor. Doggett won’t go to jail for a baby. Doggett’s boyfriend suggests that she just stop doing drugs and they both laugh until their nascent meth teeth fall out.

Boyfriend won’t give her a ride to the clinic.


Chapman is fixing a toaster, or at least trying to. Alex brings in linens. Alex suggests a bang in the kitchen. She says she’s all excited because the truth is out and Chapman is okay with it. Alex is all over Chapman, who is really not interested in counter sex right now. Chapman keeps pawing her until Chapman admits they’re not OK, and Alex is glad she’s goaded Chapman to the point where she can finally talk about it. These two have some weird relationship skills.

Alex spells out what she did until Chapman shoves her. She admits that she loves and hates Alex at the same time. But she wants to keep herself together.

Alex figures out that Larry left Chapman — and that Chapman’s with her because she doesn’t want to be alone. Alex calls herself Chapman’s security blanket.

It’s all on the table now. Alex ratted Chapman out for the sentence reduction, and because she was still mad over Chapman leaving her. Chapman leaves.

oitnb_Alex folds