“Mistresses” recap (1.11): The Kids Are Not All Right

Previously on Mistresses, Olivier hit on Joss but she turned him down, April showed Zombie Paul pictures of Lucy but didn’t let him see her, Savi and Dom went on a date, and Karen made out with her stalker.

We open with Karen and her British Lady Lawyer practicing lying. The Lawyer instructs Karen to admit to as little as possible. Clearly she wasn’t warned that Karen does the opposite of whatever advice she is given. Lady Lawyer asks if Karen has found the alibi she was supposed to find, and at first Karen hesitates, but when she sees the disgusted look in her lawyer’s eye, she tells her that she was with Sam the night of Tom’s death.

April goes to visit Zombie Paul again, and he tells her that he’s leaving for Florida at the end of the week. He knows that she’s been nicer to him than she deserves, considering the whole faked death/cheating scandal/baby mama drama and all that. He gives April a locket to give to Lucy, so he can be with her always.

At work, Joss is called into Olivier’s office, looking as fabulous as ever.

Joss looking fine in episode 1.11 of "Mistresses"

He asks her to come around his desk to look at his computer, and she is hesitant after the nightcap flirting. He promises not to bite (foreshadowing) and she consents. He stands juuuust a little too close to her and she leaves his office lickity split.

Joss bursts into the cafe, demanding ice from any source available, because she is, and I quote, “hot and bothered” from her encounter with Olivier. She says OF COURSE he wants her now that she’s unavailable and I’m proud of her for sticking to her guns with this whole relationship thing,even though it’s against her nature. (Spoiler alert: This proud feeling doesn’t last long.)

Joss is worried about Savi and Karen being in a courtroom together and goes on a worst-case-scenario spiral that puts one or both of them in jail, but Karen tells her to calm down, her sister removed herself from the case. April sits down then and interrupts with her own problem. She wants to know if she should tell Lucy that Paul is alive. I shout “Yes!” at the same time Karen and Joss shout, “NO!” in unison. April looks at the two of them and decides she’d like Savi’s opinion.

Later, at the apartment, Alex and Joss are talking about a couples dinner party they’re planning. Joss is surprised to find that Alex has straight friends, which Alex shrugs off with only a dash of annoyance. Alex tells Joss to invite some of her couple friends, too, but Joss realizes all of her friends have destroyed any and all of their relationships, so she has no couple to offer.

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While this conversation is going on, Joss is drooling over some male model in a magazine and Alex asks if Joss misses guys. Joss says she kind of does and that her body is in shock from the lack of man-body and Alex probably regrets asking this question because she, a full-time lesbian, surely does not crave…I can’t do it. I was going to use her meat metaphors but I CAN’T. Anyway, Joss asks what happens in “lesbian land” when a woman wants to sleep with a man. Alex mumbles some things about hypotheticals and Joss references The Kids Are All Right and that’s when you know it’s not going to end well.

Now, what I took this conversation to mean was that Alex was saying that some people have open relationships and sometimes those open relationships don’t have gender boundaries. Alex, knowing Joss is very new to the relationship game, should probably have drawn her lines a little deeper in the sand. And Joss should probably have prompted her to do so.

Joss goes to Savi to ask if her and Alex can use Casa Davis for their dinner party. Savi says that she’s getting awfully domestic now that she’s a lesbian (to which I say, “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.”) When Joss laments her lack of couple friends to invite to his party, Savi hints that she might be “with” Dom now, to which Joss does not react positively. She’s rather fond of her brother-in-law.

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At Karen’s deposition, the first witness is Detective McHottie, who admits that what Karen said at their first meeting and what her notes said were contradictory. Karen’s Lady Lawyer suggests that perhaps this is a personal vendetta because Karen wouldn’t sleep with him (he’s going to have to be more stalkery than showing up at a supply store unexpectedly if he wants some of that).

Joss goes out to coffee with Harry, desperate to help him get her sister back. She even washed her hair in sunbeams and fairy dust to make it extra stunning.

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She tells him that Savi got the results back and gave them to Joss for safekeeping, but neither sister has read them yet. Ever the clever girl, Joss says that if he goes and gets the results right from the medical facility, TECHNICALLY that’s not against the rules. He goes and tries to charm the receptionist with his twinkling eyes and sultry accent, but the receptionist really likes being employed, so she does not fall for his flirtatious tricks.

Meanwhile, April and Hot Dad take their girls to an amusement park, where they’re working fairly well as a family unit, despite the fact that they are not currently on the best terms. They bond over their love of their children and their terrible exes and eventually kiss and make up. Hot Dad then gives April the advice her friends should have given her and points out that it’s not impossible that Lucy will find out someday that her dad is alive, and then both of her parents will be liars. April is really appreciative, because it’s not every day she gets decent advice. (OK, look who she hangs out with. It’s never. She never gets decent advice.)

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