“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.11): All Hail Seitan

Hey, doesn’t this lawyer look a little young. Or perhaps I’m just getting old. I got a new dentist this year and I swear she’s not old enough to know who the New Kids on the Block are. But, wait. I’m not just a prehistoric fossil, that lawyer really is young. Because this is mock trial and these are teenagers. But there’s a real death happening as a woman stumbles into the court and collapses.


At the Division One Café Jane and Maura are having coffee together. But Maura isn’t letting Jane get the good stuff, insisting on decaf instead. Really, what is the point? That’s like going to the florist and buying plastic flowers. Jane, being the not-so-secretly whipped puppy that she is, tells Mama Rizzoli that Maura says she can’t drink regular. So Mama R takes pity on her daughter and her girlfriend’s strict caffeine rules and slips her an espresso brownie instead. Jane digs in, but offers Maura a bite because good girlfriends always share.


Mama R brags about all the profits she’s raking in by making the Boston Police Department overweight. She is up to over $100 a week extra. Jane comments how great it is her mom is saving for retirement. But Mama R shoots her a guilty look and scurries off. She’s not saving for retirement because she knows her daughter-in-law is loaded. Silly Jane.

Tommy walks in with his new neckless personal injury lawyer Mark The Shark. More like Mark The Beached Whale. The lawyer promises to get him fast money for being in the building collapse. Hey, will you look at that – continuity. Remember when Frost, Tommy and TJ were almost squooshed in that parking garage at the end of Season 3? So do the writers. See, miracles can happen, Maura.


The familial lawyer drama gets interrupted by real lawyer drama as Jane and Maura get called out to investigate the woman who collapsed in the courtroom. She was a judge, and a damn good one apparently. Everyone is sad about it, and so am I because if we lose a good judge that means the terrible judges like the dude who sentenced the 54-year-old rapist of a 14-year-old girl, who later committed suicide, to just 30-days in jail just because he said she seemed “older than her chronological age” get even more power. But seriously, did you hear about that case? Luckily, it’s being reconsidered.

Right, back to fake outrage, the judge was advising mock trial when she collapsed and died. Frost knows all about mock trial because he participated and was even made prosecutor. But he’s all modest about his accomplishments. Awww, Frost. I say it each and every time I see him still.


Maura is impressed by Frost’s feat, because it’s “highly competitive” and also she never made the team in high school. Everyone does the confused dog head tilt because super-genius Dr. Maura Isles can do anything she puts her ridiculously big brain to. Jane says, “That’s not possible.” Such a good girlfriend this episode, see how well she reacts once the beards are gone. But Maura was deemed too wordy. Jane suppresses a laugh, which makes her an extra good girlfriend.


As Maura examines the body, they ponder the color of the wet paint smudge they find on her hand. Jane calls it “institutional beige,” but Maura insists it’s more of a “taupe or a sand color, perhaps even a muted coral with a hint of abalone shell.” Jane wordlessly conveys Maura’s wordinesss and it’s really cute. See, see what happens when you shave for an episode Rizzoli & Isles?

Frankie comes in to help so Jane sends him off to find the fresh paint in the courthouse. Frost offers to come along on the search. Every time I see those two I sing Tiffany’s power ballad “Could’ve Been” in my head. Korsak motions Jane to come speak to the judge’s co-advisor and it’s Melrose Place star Doug Savant. DOUG SAVANT DID IT. Case closed – everyone go home and snuggle now.