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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap (10.3): Sleep with Me

Last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was a heartbreaker. All was wrong with the world and everything hurt. In contrast, this week’s episode come out of the gate like a puppy video on YouTube set to an Ingrid Michaelson song and slowly devolves into painland. At the Mer/Der mansion, where they have no guest rooms, everyone is sleeping in the living room. It’s like a slumber party, except there were no pizza rolls and everyone feels like shit.

Back at her empty apartment, Arizona is trying to gussie herself up because she’s got a full proof plan. One that couldn’t possible, totally not work at all. She even got her haircut to look like it did when she first kissed Callie in that filthy, sexy bathroom. It’s one of the saddest things that has ever happened.

Also having a slumber party? The interns who have been inseparable since Heather Brooks’ death when they all realized that they were equally awful and should stick together. Cristina observes the pile of snores and tarries on up to Alex’s room, where she promptly jumps into bed with him and pesters him awake. She’s bored and horny so Alex directs her to the wide variety of internet pornography available. Torturing Alex is so much more enjoyable than silly old porn though, so she starts digging at his relationship with Jo. She can’t help but notice that he’s been going to bed alone while Jo stays downstairs with the other interns, so she assumes one or the other is awful in the sack. Alex gets flustered which picks Cristina’s mood right up.

Having a new baby rocks until you are so exhausted it makes your eyes cross, and suddenly you have twins. Callie, who recently had a steaming cup of anger, is rushing through the house mumbling about Arizona and her poor toddler sock mismanagement. She heads off to the hospital to leave Derek and Meredith to catch some shut eye. She even takes Zola to daycare so they can have a little alone time with baby Bailey. Meredith has been calling Bailey incessantly to check on Richard. Bailey, who insists she has things under control, orders Meredith to stop calling and start cuddling, stat! Things aren’t so great with Richard however, and Meredith has a right to be concerned. He’s rapidly losing weight due to an inability to swallow caused by esophageal dysphagia. Intern Ross, who is on rounds with Bailey, expresses concern. When he suggests an NG tube, both Bailey and Richard shoot him down.

The rest of the interns, who have miraculously discovered their souls, are becoming slightly less awful. It doesn’t hurt that Jo is not wearing pants. It seems as though they have all developed friendship like feelings towards each other. Jo complains about the fact that her meticulous personal grooming regiment has been for naught since she an Alex haven’t had any alone time. The girl is running out of sexy panties and patience. It’s a code blue.

Arizona and Cristina walk the halls together, and Arizona is buzzing with nervous energy. Cristina notices her haircut but doesn’t say much, which sends Arizona down an insecurity spiral. She wants so desperately to look nice today, as if her perky haircut and perfect dress will wash away any of the sadness and regret that has eaten away a hole inside her. Thankfully Owen shows up to distract her with an even bigger hole. The one in the ceiling of one of the hospital’s wings. Neither Arizona nor Cristina want to deal with it, but Owen reminds them that they are board members and need to start doing their jobs. Being a board member isn’t just about the free donuts. It’s about bureaucratic nonsense that nobody likes, but has to be done. Ok, also donuts. After Arizona leaves, Owen and Cristina share an almost moment. She reaches out to touch his hand, but stops herself. She declares they cannot be alone together, so she tosses out some hand gestures that appear to be directions to the nearest emergency exits, then runs off.

April. Oh April. She’s nervous and squirrely today. Surprise! She hasn’t heard back about her Boards and she can’t stomach another rejection. Just then, a woman is wheeled in with a large shard of wood sticking out of her chest. It’s shrapnel from a broken bat at a baseball game and she needs surgery ASAP. Callie joins April and Leah to survey the damage, and send the woman’s husband away. Before they take the woman in for surgery, she grabs Leah and makes her promise that if she dies, the intern will tell her husband that she slept with his brother. Sa-wing batter batter. While Callie does her ortho thing, April tells her about not hearing from the boards. Callie is far from encouraging. Leah tells her what the patient asked her to do, and how she feels conflicted. Callie calls the patient a bitch. Damn. I guess even a Louisville Slugger in the chest isn’t enough to garner a little sympathy from Dr. Torres. Arizona pops her cheerful head into the room to remind Callie about their couple’s therapy session that evening. Callie tells her that she’s not so sure about that and Arizona swallows down an ocean of disappointment in one gulp.

Concerned about Richard, Ross calls Meredith to fill her in on his condition. Richard looks skeletal and is slowly starving to death. Meredith tells Ross to prepare an NG tube so it will be ready when all else fails. Derek stumbles in from his hour and a half trip down the street to buy milk. It seems that he fell asleep in the parking lot. Meredith is wildly jealous and also slightly delirious from exhaustion.

Jackson is delighted that Stephanie is with him today for rounds, because he wants to show her the softer side of plastics. His patient is a young woman who has been badly scarred and he will be removing the damaged tissue and giving her a new lease on life. The woman’s insurance ran out a few surgeries back, so Jackson and the hospital are donating the surgery. Stephanie is so happy and charmed by Jackson, she practically gets a lady pro-bonor herself.

Leah goes out to the waiting room to find baseball bat women’s husband, and is bewildered to find his brother there as well. The brother has guilty face, and Leah leaves without saying much of anything at all.

Cristina and Alex are teaming up to help a teenager with a bad heart. He received a transplant as an infant, but now it’s failing again. Cristina wants to try risky surgery that would negate the need for a donor heart, but Alex strongly warns the family against it. They are on Team Cristina though, because they feel waiting for a donor heart that might never come is a bigger risk.

Bailey schools Ross over the feeding tube she found in Richard’s room. He tries to explain that he’s just being proactive, but Richard tells him if he really wants to help, he’ll get him a bowl of damn soup.

Owen and Jackson get into the mix with each other about pro-bono patients. The hospital can’t afford them right now, because they need all their funding to go toward repairing the infrastructure. Jackson decides to put on his Avery pants and informs Owen that he actually works for Jackson. Owen is pissed, but decides to play the game.

Cristina and Meredith are on the phone doing their special “you’re my person” dialogue that only they can really keep up with. This was what I was able to piece together: Touching hands leads to intercourse and Derek is a filthy nap stealer. The dulcet tones of Cristina’s phone voice manage to put Meredith right to sleep on the bathroom floor. She wakes up to a nice steam facial, and Derek standing in the doorway. Apparently his nipples are a complete disaster and the baby is awake again.

Jackson has a spring in his step as he tells Stephanie how he defeated big, bad Chief Owen with his sword of intimidation. When he goes to check on his pro-bono patient, he finds an empty bed. Owen has moved her out. Everyone is freaking out about Owen’s new protocols. He’s rescheduling surgeries, transferring patients, and kind of being a dick. So basically, it’s an average Tuesday.

Ross brings Richard his soup, but Richard doesn’t want an intern hovering, so he shoos him away. Ross stays close by though, watching Richard slowly bring the spoon to his lips. The soup experiment is not a success as Richard chokes and coughs the liquid. Ross knows he needs to do something soon.

Alex finds Jo studying in the supply room, and they flirt and tease each other like usual. There is a whole lot of sexual tension behind their smiles though. Both want to do it, but neither of them knows if the other wants to, so the comedy of errors continues. I’m pretty sure this is the first episode I’ve seen where someone doesn’t get laid. What is this? Antiques Roadshow?

Cristina and Owen find themselves alone and Owen reminisces about how he misses kissing each other good luck before surgery. Callie, who is not unlike a bulldozer of resentment, interrupts them to ask about their unsuccessful couples counseling. Good talk, Callie. Callie gets a call from April that baseball bat lady has a bleed that needs to be address and they will have to cut the clavicle. Callie runs like a lunatic through the halls, screaming at April not to cut the clavicle. She clears out an entire elevator with the fire shooting out of her eyeballs. April does it anyway and Callie gets to the OR too late to stop her. Callie yells at April in front of the entire operating room and tosses her ass out.

Elbow deep into their own surgery, Cristina questions Alex about his relationship with Jo. Alex, who would screw a hole in the wall, finds himself really caring about Jo. He wants their first time together to be special. Cristina, ever the romantic, tells Alex he’s acting like a big ol’ girl. I kind of like this side of Alex.

The Mer/Der mansion is covered in puke and drool, and that’s just Meredith and Derek. Derek passes out of the couch, but Meredith is too worried about Richard to sit around. She packs up Bailey and heads to the hospital. Wearing a flannel shirt and pushing a stroller, Meredith looks like she’s on her way to brunch in Park Slope. I’ve never found her more attractive.

The interns are studying outside by the loading dock, but Jo’s pants are on fire. She tells them all to stay away from Alex’s tonight because she’s going to make the best out of this last pair of panties if it kills her. (Just give it a couple months Jo, then you can go back to your bloomers.) Leah gets a page and takes off. Baseball bat lady is crashing and Callie can’t revive her. She dies on the table. Callie insists that Leah follow through on the woman’s last request. Leah walks over and scolds her corpse for putting her in such an uncomfortable position. Selfish corpses.

Bailey is surprised and not too happy to see Meredith at the hospital. More than anything, she’s worried about Meredith’s health, but Meredith is more concerned about Richard. Bailey admits that Richard is not ok, but worries that the feeding tube will crush Richard’s will to live. Meredith thinks starving to death is literally more soul crushing, so they walk off to talk it out. If Cristina were there, they’d dance it out instead. Ross walks in with a feeding tube and tells Richard that he’s not going to let anyone else die while he can do something about it. He convinces Richard that letting him insert the feeding tube will be a lot less traumatic than if Meredith has to make that call. Richard reluctantly accepts his fate.

After staring at asses all day during back to back liposuctions, Jackson is relived to see his pro bono patient wasn’t transferred after all, just hidden. Owen just keeps ’em coming, doesn’t he? Owen explains that the liposuctions Jackson performed paid for the pro-bono work. Jackson sees his point, although Owen could have just said that instead of playing games. Owen is an awesome liar and Jackson thinks they can use that to their advantage with the board.

Cristina and Alex’s surgery isn’t going as well as they hoped. Cristina tells him that it’s Jo that will make the sex special, not a perfect time or circumstance. She suggests he go all caveman on her, which he rejects because he’s classy-like now. He’s a homeowner for crissakes. They have to close up the kid’s chest, and hope that he gets a donor heart before it’s too late. They break the disappointing news to this family.

April is still a mess, waiting to here about her boards. Jackson attempts to comfort her, but mid conversation she gets the email. Jackson reads it for her, and thankfully she has passed! Now she can stick to being neurotic about other things like sex and carbs. She jumps up to give Jackson a hug, but her gives her the ol’ high fiver instead. It’s awkward in the best possible way.

Pagers are going off like crazy and the board members, including an exhausted and annoyed Derek, run to answer it. They all arrive at the destroyed wing, where Owen and Jackson have set up an impromptu board meeting. The board will be throwing a gala event to cozy up to all the rich donors, whether they like it or not.

Jo waits for Alex at his place, and surprises him with an intern-less living room. Just like Cristina advised, he tosses her over his shoulder and takes her off to bed. She is totally on board, and sends a prayer of thanks to the sexy time gods.

At the hospital, Owen and Cristina are taking a much less pleasant ride. They are in the elevator of feelings, and no one will escape unscathed. Cristina wants them to see other people as a way of diffusing their feelings for one another. Owen knows when he’s beat, so he says he will try.

Arizona sits alone in a therapy waiting room. She lights up like the sun when she sees Callie walk in. That makes it all the more devastating when Callie finally opens up. Callie acknowledges what Arizona can’t bear to admit. They weren’t happy. Or at least Arizona wasn’t. The feeling of betrayal is too strong right now for Callie to stand by Arizona’s side, however love however doesn’t just disappear when a heart is broken. Sure, anger and resentment can fill the cracks, but love is stronger than all of that. Love is why Callie then encourages Arizona to seek out help on her own. Deep down, Callie knows what Arizona did wasn’t about her. It was a temporary solution for Arizona. A misplaced attempt at healing. Arizona is terrified and tells Callie that she needs her. Callie knows that she does, and with a painfully heavy heart, walks out. For Callie, this is the first big step in self-preservation. Arizona looks like she’s drowning from the inside, and in a way she is. She has been for a long time. She needs help, and Callie cannot be the one to heal her anymore. We all must sink or swim at some point. Arizona, it’s time to dive in.

Meredith is sitting quietly by Richard’s side as if all the years of mistrust and blame between them have faded into the background. She has embraced him as family. The feeding tube is in place, and Richard reveals that he made the wrong choice in letting Meredith be his proxy. He never expected her to be this sentimental mush. He thought she would be brave enough to let him die, rather than live like this. Meredith takes his words like a kick to the gut, but doesn’t say a word.

What did you think of this week’s Grey’s Anatomy? Be sure to tweet along next week with the hashtag #GreysGays.

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