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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap (10.4): Hey There, Sharkbait

Any episode where Meredith works lyrics from The Muppet Show into her opening monologue, is going to have a sense of whimsy. Grey’s can’t be all tragedy, all the time. As my momma used to say, you’ve got to let the kitty get the string once in a while. This episode is a giant ball of shiny string for us to bat around while we wait for the next piano to fall on our heads.

It’s the day of the hospital gala y’all, and boy does it look swanky. There’s a red carpet, McDreamy in a tux, and one gorgeous gown after another. Jackson has been in charge of throwing the gala, and Owen is concerned that perhaps he went a little overboard. That concern is magnified when the Chief walks through the doors and sees the spectacle. The gala looks like prom in a gay bar, with accents of Cirque de Soleil. Owen is not pleased. Jackson assures him that they are in good hands and refers to his party planner Ari, whose dress is giving us sexy Big Bird realness. With all the fire-eaters and wild unicyclers, it’s a good thing this place is crawling with doctors.

Not having such a grand time is Bailey. Meredith stops by before the gala to check on Richard, and he’s not getting any better. In fact, Bailey tells her, he’s getting worse. Meredith decides that if he wants to throw this pity party for himself, then let him.

The interns are working this evening because all the other doctors are at the Gala. Stephanie is angry that her boyfriend Jackson didn’t invite her, and considers a career as a professional junk puncher. Alex swaggers in, all tuxy and grumpy just as a group of older junkies are wheeled in. They were high on heroin and crashed a car into a tree. Something about one of the men strikes a chord in Alex.

At the gala, Meredith, Cristina and Callie are looking all kinds of beautiful. One thing you can say about these docs; they do clean up well. Meredith tells her friends that she and Derek are going crazy from all their pent up surgery energy, and everything around the house has become a competition. Callie notices all the clown waiters and gets excited when she remembers that Bailey is scared of them. Maybe this won’t be so terrible after all.

Bailey isn’t coming to the party though and Callie’s glee deflates like a balloon. Meanwhile, we learn that Derek can juggle. Seriously, what can’t this guy do? The doctors set off to charm the pants off of some donors. Callie finds a donor who is all enamored with her TED talk. At first she’s flattered, but then Arizona walks in the room looking sad and stunning, and Callie can’t look away. When the donor mistakenly assumes that Callie’s wife passed away, she decides to go with it. Owen runs into Meredith and Cristina, and Cristina takes the opportunity to reinforce the whole “we should date other people” thing. Cristina, can’t you let the guy have one night?

Back at the hospital, Bailey is working with a cancer patient named Gene. Gene is pretty racist, so we will call him, Racist Gene. Anyway, Bailey has to deliver the news to Racist Gene that his cancer has progressed too far for any treatment to work. She brings up end of life care, which he doesn’t want to hear about. Unless Hooters has gone into the hospice business, he’s not interested.

Alex is camped out by the hors d’oeuvre station, shoving shrimp into his grimace when Jo shows up looking lovely. From the look on his face, he’s either troubled or one of those shrimp has turned. April finally arrives and is all aglow because shit like this is her wheelhouse. She hands a stressed out Jackson a glass of champagne, which he discovers is warm. Quelle horror! Turns out, there’s no ice. Someone, quick, chop up one of those swan sculptures over by the shrimp. Owen is doing pretty well, charming up a set of donors, when a beautiful woman approaches him. She makes serious googly eyes at him, and when he spies Cristina doing some flirting of her own across the room, he decides to go for it. Speaking of flirting, Derek saddles up to Meredith and teases her about her own flirty, sparkly eyes. She tells him to go find some balls to juggle. These two are totally going to have sex later in this episode.

April heads back to the hospital and runs into a crying Arizona in the supply closet. Arizona tries to pretend that she’s fine, but April knows that she could probably use a friend right now.

Ross and the other interns are swimming in ER patients and they couldn’t be happier. Ross is kind of getting off on the whole chaos thing. Alex comes back to the hospital, under the guise of checking on a patient, but it’s really because something about Heroin Guy has him all distracted.

You know what looks great with a tux? A baby. Well, that’s at least what Derek thinks, and he uses baby Bailey to play up to the donors. Meredith accuses him of playing dirty, which he totally is. Then he smiles his McDreamy smile and Meredith takes the baby away to feed him. Cristina is getting her master’s in flirting with a wealthy donor. She tossing her head back laughing, touching his hand and batting her eyelashes like a champ. When she sees Owen with the beautiful woman, she interrupts them and shoos her away. Thinking Owen is in it purely for the donation, she recommends an old, rich lady instead. Owen looks back at the young woman and there is a little glimmer in his eye. Callie is now surrounded by sympathetic donors, hanging on every word of her tragic “dead wife” tale. April overhears while stealing some champagne, and gives her the major side eye. A woman who is actually a widow approaches Callie to commiserate in her grief. Oops.

Racist Gene isn’t just racist, he’s also just plain ol’ awful. Bailey charges in, demanding that he not harass the nurses. Racist Gene wants to play chess, but Bailey doesn’t have time for games, literally or figuratively. Racist Gene wants to beat his cancer and asks her, what would Rosa Parks do. That just pushes Bailey right over the edge, so she does the doctor equivalent of breaking up with him. He rages on that he is going to die, something he isn’t ready for, and she better do something about it quick.

April returns to the supply closet and brings some champagne to Arizona. Arizona tells her about the way people look at her now. People have always stared at her for one thing or another, but this time it’s different. People are judging her while they stare, and it’s breaking her heart. It’s like everything about Arizona that is wonderful and kind, has been erased, and all people see is a scarlet letter. She assumes April is judging her too. That’s not April’s style though, and she calls shenanigans. Empathy is a gift that we can give each other, and April is giving hers to Arizona. She accidentally calls Arizona a cheater, which she accepts. Arizona mentions that Callie stared at her too that night, and for a tiny second before reality set in, it felt so damn good. April totally gets it.

*It appears my shipper heart sailed away in the wrong direction, which it is occasionally wont to do. Based on viewer feedback and tweets by one of the writers, it appears Arizona was actually referencing Lauren when she says, “She stared at me too, and the way she stared felt really good.” I think the line could be open to interpretation, but majority view seems to have reached a consensus and I humbly acknowledged that.”

Owen find the beautiful woman, talking up some donors on his behalf. He teases her about stealing his stories, and she admits that she has an alternative motive. Her name is Emma, and she is a doctor at a competing hospital who is doing some homework for their upcoming fundraiser. Owen is confused as to why Emma is helping him then, and she blushes as she says, “Look at you.” Gulp. Meredith returns wearing a very stylish hoodie over her dress, since it’s now covered in baby spit up. She joins Alex and Cristina at the bar, where Cristina is five drinks in and bragging about all the money she’s making for the hospital.

A completely bewildered Callie stands like a deer in headlights as the actual widow donor tells the story of desperately missing her husband. She is spared by an impassioned speech by Jackson about the reason for the gala. Just as his speech gets into high gear, one of the aerialists slips from her silks above the stage and starts to fall. Ari the party planner rushes to help, but is crushed when the performer lands on her. Ari is unconscious, but the performer tries to shake it off. It’s rather tough to walk off a compound fracture however, so Callie goes all ortho on her and sets the leg right there. In all the hubbub, Cristina gets a call from Ross as he’s sticking a needle in a guys heart.

April and Arizona are drunk and it’s kind of beautiful. April talks big about forgiveness, but Arizona isn’t sure if they are talking about Jesus or April’s boyfriend. I had the same question. Leah walks in, answering Arizona’s page. Arizona sends her to fetch more champagne. “And snacks!” April wisely adds. Leah is so over it. Arizona wonders aloud if Callie will ever forgive her, and April lets it spill that Callie’s been telling people that she died. Ever wondered what a needle to the heart feels like? Ask Arizona.

Richard is causing a ruckus in his room by refusing oxygen the nurses are trying to give him. Bailey tells him about Racist Gene, and that even though he’s an asshole with no hope of survival, he keeps fighting. Richard has options, he just refuses to use them. Bailey hands him a spirometer and tells him, either you breathe, or you die. He tosses the machine across the room, and pushes Bailey away. She falls on a chair and hurts her hand.

Cristina and Ross are in the OR working on Heroin Guy’s heart. Cristina reveals that she’s proud of Ross’s bold choices and that he’s a shark just like her. Alex watches them from the observatory. “That’ll do sharky, that’ll do,” Cristina proudly tells Ross.

With her arms full of snacks and booze for Arizona and April, Leah slips back out of the gala. Jo runs into a nervous Jackson as guest start to leave in droves. She lets him know that Stephanie is mad at him for not inviting her to the gala. Girls. They are tough to understand, aren’t they Jackson?

Bailey gets called to Racist Gene’s room. He apologizes for being so awful and admits that he’s scared and doesn’t want to be alone. Bailey’s beautiful brain starts to churn. Derek finds Meredith in the middle of surgery, and she declares him winner of their little competition. He quickly changes so he can join her. In the Broom Closet of Booze and Bad Decisions, April asks Arizona if she can try on her leg. They both burst into hysterical laughter. In their own OR, Callie and Owen work on the aerialists leg. Callie admits to lying about Arizona, but Owen doesn’t make her feel too bad about it. He tells her about Cristina pressuring him to go on dates with other women. Guests from the gala start filing into the observation room, as Jackson shows them the real heart of the hospital. Everyone whips out their checkbooks.

Jo walks in on Alex taking his own blood, but for a moment thinks he’s shooting up. That couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s actually trying to get a DNA sample because he suspects that Heroin Guy is the father that he hasn’t seen in twenty years. Jo reminds Alex that he can talk to her about big, life stuff like this. In another room, Meredith and Derek are getting changed out of their scrubs and into their civvies. Their pent up surgical energy spent, now they are just stuck with their regular old pent up sexual energy. So they totally do it in the on call room.

Bailey wheels Racist Gene into an unsuspecting Richard’s room. Surprise! Here’s your new roomie, Richard. Bailey tells Richard, since they are both dying, perhaps they can help each other pick out burial plots and shit. I love pissed off Bailey.

After a night of emergency room awesomeness, Ross and Stephanie are totally hyped up. Now that Ross is a shark, he goes in for the kill and kisses her, just as Jackson comes through the door. Wow Ross, you are as smooth as chunky peanut butter. Shark, my ass.

The donor that Cristina had been flirting with shows up at the hospital with a big check. You see, big doucebags write big checks. When she accepts it and tries to walk away, he tells her not to be coy. He flat out suggests that he deserves a little something special for his moolah. Where’s a heart needle when you need one. Cristina coolly blows him off because she’s a fucking shark, man.

Stephanie runs to the gala, where Jackson sits alone and pouting like a little boy. She explains that Ross’s kiss was not requited, and he does believe her. He asks her to promise to stop playing games and talk to him about her feelings in the future. She does and they kiss sweetly.

Richard and Racist Gene are actually getting along really well. Racist Gene starts talking about hospice, and all the damn bunny rabbits he’ll see there frolicking on the lawn. Sure, it’s no Hooters, but it’ll do. Something clicks in Richard, that maybe he doesn’t want to waste away after all. He picks up the spirometer and breathes into it. Bailey, you are a genius!

Cristina and Owen run into each other on the way out of the hospital. She’s so proud of herself and feels like celebrating with a few drinks. Just then, Emma walks in, looking for Owen. Cristina sees the big smile creep across Owen’s face, and hides her sadness as she says goodnight and excuses herself.

The results are in on Alex and Heroin Guy’s DNA. Before Alex can even stop her, Jo blurts out that yes, it’s a match. A distraught Alex walks off. A very drunk April and Arizona pour themselves into a cab. Safety first, girls! Leah approaches Arizona’s door and tells her where she can stick it the next time she treats her like her errand girl. She demands respect, dammit. What she gets is a poke on the nose, from a giggly Arizona who tells her she’s adorable. The cabs speeds off with half of Arizona’s gown, hanging out the side of the door.

What did you think of this week’s Grey’s Anatomy?

All the world’s a circus when you are hustling for cash, as the Grey’s doctors find out. While some dazzled potential donors with their charm and wit, others got shitfaced in closets. Which would you prefer?

Congratulations to the whole Grey’s Anatomy team on their 200th episode! Here are some of our favorite #GreysGays tweets from their milestone episode, “Puttin’ On the Ritz.”

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