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“House of Cards” recap (2.4): Claire Strikes

In the Halls of Power, lobbyist Remy Danton is waiting outside Jackie Sharp’s Majority Whip office. He notes that it’s weird to not see Frank’s name up there, and Frank tries to brush him off with “To improve is to change.” Remy finishes the quote with “To perfect is to change often.” He tries to old-boy Frank by noting that the quote was engraved on the parting-gift watch Frank gave him, for brushoff number two. Finally Remy comes through and tells Frank he got him two more votes. Frank says that’s a pretty spindly little olive branch.

The branch is being extended, along with Remy’s services, by Raymond Tusk, who has finally noticed that the government shutting down won’t do much for his reopening dealings with China. They have two hours and 49 minutes to get their House votes lined up for their big budget compromise/screw your retirement bill. C’mon, show, give us a countdown clock.

Frank tells Remy to do what Jackie Sharp says. Remy says she won’t like having him around; Frank can’t blame her. Ouch. Claire selects an outfit while her publicist Connor gives her a rundown of the joint interview she and Frank will be doing with the apparently very influential Ashley. First the softball stuff, then questions about Frank and Claire’s transition to the Vice Presidency. …And then questions about why the Underwoods don’t have kids, which was supposed to be off the table, but somehow it’s back on. Connor assures Claire that it will be quick and painless. She’s not worried; she’s dealt with that question before.

Jackie works the vote board. They’re 15 short, but Remy notes they have relationships with most of the holdouts. Remy agrees to go with Jackie to tag-team people and whip up votes. Jackie was an opponent of Remy’s on the Watershed Act and she’s not thrilled with being paired up.

Frank, meanwhile, will be using Sharp’s office to sway Donald Blythe, who has a powerful voting bwww. He has 2 hours and 17 minutes. Frank tells us that normally he just needs time and patience to sway Blythe, but he doesn’t have either of those today.

Blythe opens by saying he’s not getting swayed and he doesn’t want any of Frank’s caffeinated drinks. What a treat to be around. On the other hand, Blythe has a point: He says that Frank is fundamentally deceptive. DING DING DING! Blythe is officially ahead of 85% of the characters on this show. Blythe is still pissed over Frank eviscerating the teacher’s union for last season’s education bill. And Frank is going to cut education funding again with this one. Blythe has 28 votes – enough to sink Frank’s bill.

Blythe has no interest in Frank’s apologies. Frank says Blythe, in his stubbornness, is no better than the Tea Party. Blythe notes that the part where he’s right seems like a pretty good dividing line.

Lucas and Hieronymous “The Parrot” Bosch are in a room full of computer monitors. They’re talking about how to get into the servers at the data centers of, I’m guessing, Zoe’s phone company. Lucas agrees to take a tour, get inside a cage, and slide a thumb drive into a server. Piece of cake! Whoa. The unluckiest intern in all of D.C. just opened a letter full of white powder. She’s ordered to stay right there while everyone else immediately strides into an office and shuts the door, leaving her completely alone. Props to the actress playing the intern, who has the perfect look on her face.

Donald Blythe and Frank are still arguing when he gets the call and the sirens start up: There’s possible anthrax in the mail and he and Blythe are locked in together: Quarantined. Frank throws open the door to try to get to his vote and is stopped by one of the many men who are tromping around in looking like Boba Fett in hazmat suits and running just a few little tests. The closest Boba Fett tells Frank to get back into the office and close the door. Frank calls Claire to let her know he’s trapped for a bit.

Claire won’t tell Connor about the quarantine yet, even though they have their big interview lined up. They want to keep the press in the dark for a bit. Frank tells her the vote looks shaky. He says if they’re lucky, the white powder will turn out to be anthrax after all and he won’t live to see his bill fail. Claire makes her perturbed dragon face and indicates that she does not care for such jokes.. She wishes Frank luck by crossing her heels.

Jackie and Remy aren’t doing so well either. Last season’s education bill burned some bridges, and their fellow Democrats are worried that they’re losing touch with their core values. Oh, and P.S. screwing with people’s retirements tends to piss off voters. Remy says he’s paid off the AARP, but the nervous congressnellies stay nervous. Frank texts in to say he’s trapped. Jackie points out that theoretical pain later is still better than services being cut off right the hell now in a government shutdown. Remy and Jackie take time to confer. Jackie asks Remy to keep in touch with Frank while she pummels the nervous nellies into submission. Remy tells her to relax and listen more, to do more hand-holding. That’s not quite Jackie’s style. Wonder how many poppies she’ll add this week.

Remy springs for caviar for the table – not that he should, but, whoops, there some is, just in case the congressnellies want to dip in – because you catch more flies with caviar than with vinegar. OK, it’s an imperfect metaphor. And it’s not one Jackie is fond of. The Boba Fetts run more field tests. Blythe seems to have a difficult wife who isn’t handling news of the quarantine well, and Frank takes a keen interest. Oh, dear: It’s not that Blythe has a difficult wife, it’s that his wife is having difficulties. She’s only lucid about half the time and fading quickly. Blythe confesses to Frank that he’s looking forward to her not being lucid so that at least she won’t realize what’s happening to her.

Frank joins every evil marketer in the world and realizes he needs to appeal to the heart, not the brain. Suddenly he’s softer, and asks about Alzheimer’s research. As Blythe and Frank become more companionable with their talk, Blythe loosens up and tells Frank to get on with whipping up votes.

Frank lies that the Whip stuff is Jackie’s job now; he just spoke to Blythe personally as a courtesy. Frank also lies that he admires Blythe’s convictions and calls him a rare breed. Blythe is immune to his flattery and says it won’t soften his resolve. Frank, playing the long game, says that’s exactly why Blythe deserves such compliments.

Sharp tells the congressnellies that they can show the American people and the Republicans that they’re capable of more than stagnation if they all stick together now, and that’s worth something. Now who can she count on to do that? The congressnellies think about it as they try not to let caviar spill down their chins.

Some test results go to a Boba Fett, who nods.

Frank is super pissed that he’s still stuck with a door between him and his vote. A Boba Fett says that one field test is negative and one inconclusive, so they need to take the samples to the lab. Wow, this Boba Fett has one hell of a mellifluous voice. I hope all the clones got that. Anyway, lead Boba Fett musically tells us that the testing will take another four hours. Frank has been drinking coffee, so I hope the Whip’s office has either a loo or a suitable ice bucket in it.

Frank is still focusing on his vote, because he’s been through more anthrax scares than most people have had caviar brunches and he’s over it. Boba Fett croons that the vote is delayed and Frank takes an aside to tell us that “good things happen to good people.” (But they seem to happen more often to Frank.) Oh, and P.S. WiFi, cell phones, and land lines are going to be blocked, because terrorists.

Blythe starts to freak because he needs to call his wife, who is already not doing well with this quarantine news. Boba Fett says he’ll have someone notify her, but that won’t cut it because a stranger’s voice will only make her upset. (Are you sure, Blythe? Even honey-voiced Boba Fett? Because I’m trying to figure out how to get him to call me and read me Goodnight Moon every bedtime.) Frank, either feeling some genuine compassion or, more likely, seeing an opportunity, snaps “Figure it out, or I’ll get the White House involved.” Boba says he’ll find a way.

Claire has to tape her interview with Frank in 25 minutes, but Frank is in quarantine for another four hours, and nope, no phones.

Ashley’s producer wants to go through with the interview and for Claire to do it on her own. An exclusive with the Vice President’s wife while the Vice President is in quarantine sounds like ghoulish cable news gold. Frank also wants Claire to do the interview solo – they shout through the door at Boba Fett’s walkie talkie. Donald shouts to his wife through the door too. Mrs. Blythe takes a turn and doesn’t recognize her husband’s voice this way. He asks the policeman with the other walkie talkie to stay with her. Oh, man, Blythe has an awful row to hoe. Frank offers him a comforting pat on the shoulder and a drink. Blythe accepts.

Claire, wearing an AMAZING DRESS, says she’ll do the interview alone. Ashley’s producer isn’t buying – they want Frank, and they want to talk about the quarantine. Connor plays hardball and is like “OK, then you get bupkus” and tells them to pack up and leave. The producer folds like she’s made of paper accordions.

Back in Frank’s office, Donald Blythe starts to open up about how painful his wife’s decline is. 30 years of marriage and now his wife doesn’t recognize him. After a token, he accepts what looks like bourbon, neat.

Frank says he can’t imagine life without Claire. Blythe fumes that for every $100 the government spends on Alzheimer’s research, it spends $30,000 on care (which seems to be in the ballpark for accuracy). Blythe tried to push through a bill for more funding, but guess who blocked it? Frank’s old pal Congressman Howard Webb, who wouldn’t even put Blythe’s bill up to a vote. Time to bond over disliking Howard Webb.

Frank asks for the specifics of Blythe’s bill, and it’s a serious misstep – Blythe isn’t drunk enough yet to fall for it. He calls Frank disgusting, and won’t drop his position on entitlements just for more Alzheimer’s funding. Like most sociopaths, Frank gets a little thrown when people stand by their principles. (Remember that when you’re dealing with a sociopath; also remember not to tell a sociopath too much about what your principles are.) Frank’s a good actor, but Blythe’s bullshit detector is better. He’s furious that Frank is selling out real people’s lives with his entitlement bill and furious to be stuck in a room with someone so oily and amoral. Blythe declares the discussion over.

Claire is practicing her “no kids” answer with Connor and can we talk about this dress? The neckline is an asymmetrical variation on a square neckline and it’s such a perfect echo of what she is: Sophisticated and smartly composed and stunning. And yet something is off. Anyway. Claire is practicing how to explain why she and Frank haven’t had children while still being sympathetic to a national audience, which is so much bullshit while being so true to life I can’t even stand it. All the answer to “Why haven’t you had any children?” that anyone should ever need is “None of your business.” We can’t pretend we’re really the Land of Opportunity when getting married and having children are mandatory for simply not being deemed suspicious or deviant, let alone holding or being close to public office. Maybe we could worry about everyone keeping up with their reproductive obligations sometime after the world population stops ballooning toward eight billion like we’re Planet Duggar. No? Fine, whatever.

Anyway, Claire says that Frank is a duke of the lava dragons, but she is the Queen Dragon of Darkness, so you can see how their mixed species – no, wait, start again, she says that she and Frank have chosen to dedicate their lives to public service, and they couldn’t fully do that and be the kinds of parents they would have wanted to be. Good job, Claire.

Lucas tries to leave the Hacking Lair to cover the big lockdown at the Capitol, but Bosch the Parrot says no way, all while stroking Cashew the Guinea Pig like he’s a Bond villain. The Parrot tells Lucas that the reason he has Cashew is to remind him how close he is to being in a cage himself.

Lucas has to stay in the lair so he doesn’t establish more of a pattern of going there than he already has. The Parrot also wants Lucas to see every line of code so that if they get caught they go down together. Lucas isn’t down for this much togetherness, but a sharp slap from The Parrot shuts him up. I think Lucas and Rachel might have a lot to talk about.

The Clone Army is still sweeping the Capitol. Less than an hour to go. Boba Fett comes back to let Frank know that Claire is doing the interview live.

In the interview, Ashley talks about Claire before she met Frank, with childhood photos from Texas. She compares the ranch kid Claire claims to have been to the prep school girl they have documentation of. Which one is the real Claire? Claire says the dirty ranch kid and Ashley calls her on actually living in Dallas, not on a ranch, and then on the fact that her family was really quite wealthy. It’s just a flesh wound; Claire shakes it off.

Ashley asks Claire for her most vivid memory. The tension is amazing. Ashley clearly wants to break Claire down a little, and has no idea how close Claire is to pulling Ashley’s head straight off her body and drinking from the fountain that her neck becomes.

Claire says that her most vivid memory is being taken to Dealey Plaza and being told how Kennedy died, and being too young to understand death, but old enough to understand fairness. Claire says her dad explained that Kennedy made the world a better place, but that sometimes that comes at a price. Off to the side, Connor relaxes. She’s nailing this.

Night. The Capitol is still covered in police and Boba Fetts, and Jackie is still working to get the votes she needs. Two congressnellies aren’t budging, even as they say Jackie is doing a fine job as Whip. Remy pulls her away, telling her they aren’t taking her seriously because she’s not offering candy like Frank used to, and she needs to learn to take advice.

Jackie goes back to the congressnellies and notes that one needs a waste treatment plant in his district and one wants a winery museum in his… and then she turns and goes Full Werewolf in the space of a nanosecond, snarling that Nellie Two’s pisswine belongs in Nellie One’s waste treatment plant and maybe they should stop hovering around for pork truck handouts when the government is in crisis. And then Jackie informs them that in HER caucus, you’ll get rewarded for good behavior, not bribed out of recalcitrance. Jackie walks away, tossing a Zippo over her shoulder and blowing them both up without looking back. Six votes to go. Daaaaaammn.

Frank, his face in half-darkness because it is this show, watches Claire, live on CNN. Ashley has gotten up to Claire going to college, where she met dashing young law student Frank. Claire studies and catalogues Ashley’s pain points while Ashley says that many people think the Underwoods’ marriage is calculated – that Frank needed Claire’s father’s money, which is why they married while she was still in school. Claire brushes it off, and, really, their 27 years together is a not-bad rebuttal. Whatever’s going on (Hint: terrifying panther/dragon love), there’s more to it than money. Claire says that it’s thrilling being a politician’s wife, even as it’s challenging, and neatly caroms Ashley’s insinuation about their marriage being into a political partnership into an answer that makes them seem like a solid, supportive couple. Which, in their own blood-soaked way, they seem to be.

Ashley, taking her life into her hands, brings up children and Claire rattles off her practiced pat answer. …And Ashley, who has done her homework, says that Claire has given that exact same answer before in previous interviews. Claire says that’s because it’s true, duh, and Ashley keeps pushing, pointing out that career and timing are sometimes very convenient answers. This would be some great journalistic pressure on Ashley’s part if the decision not to have children was anyone else’s fucking business.

Ashley throws some Lady Macbeth shade at Claire, asking if she really has no maternal instincts. (Again, this is both totally realistic and completely infuriating. When do childless men in the public eye EVER get asked this?)

Claire mulls over how manual strangulation often involves a telltale crushing of the hyoid bone as she says no, no maternal instincts, and then Ashley flat-out asks her if there are any medical issues. What the hell? Ashley keeps pushing, saying that it is unusual, even now, for a politician not to have children. Ugh.

Ashley reveals that during Frank’s second Congressional campaign, a pro-family opponent made accusations. And she implies that in order to keep Frank’s career on track, Claire terminated a pregnancy. Ashley asks if Claire has ever been pregnant. Connor is so fired. (Speaking of fired, how is there not an executive producer not screaming into Ashley’s earpiece to shut the hell up because Twitter is exploding and there’s already a petition to get her canned?)

Claire says that yes, she was pregnant, before the campaign. And that it was not a miscarriage. Ashley asks if Claire terminated the pregnancy. Claire points out that if she said yes, her husband’s career would be in jeopardy, and that her faith would be questioned and that her life would be threatened, which are all true. But Claire says she won’t be ashamed; yes, she had an abortion. Ashley pulls back with a look on her face that suggests that she expected to gain Serious Journalist Points for making Claire bob and weave, but didn’t expect to actually get an answer, and clearly hadn’t thought through the potential consequences of what she’s actually done here.

Claire asks to be excused for a moment. Frank pulls back from watching. Blythe hands him a drink and says, “That took a lot of guts.” Yes.

Claire and Connor confer, Connor pretty much peeing himself as they talk. He wants her to stop the interview, but Claire says she won’t – it will look like she’s ashamed, and she isn’t. Oh, and she hasn’t had one abortion, she’s has three. Two as a teenager, and one while married to Frank, when the pill failed her. Connor begs her to keep the tally to one and not say anything about her real reasons for having them. He urges Claire to withdraw from the interview, but nothing doing. Claire, scales freshly oiled and fangs honed, heads in. Back at the interview, Claire truthfully says she was raped in college, then skilfully blends in lies about her reasons for getting an abortion. Frank, Blythe, and Connor all watch from front row seats in Oh-My-Godville. Ashley asks if Claire ever told anyone, and Claire gives what were probably her real reasons for not reporting it – how bad campuses are at handling assaults, and how she didn’t want to be known as the girl who got raped.

…And then Claire drops one more little pearl of truth and says that she saw her assailant again for the first time just a few months ago. Holy. Shit.

Frank stands to get a better view of Claire’s wings coming out because it’s so majestic the way they do that, unfurling to blot out the sun like thunderclouds.

Claire says that Frank pinned stars on her assailant. And, if you will recall, the only other general who got a medal that night was a woman. She’s left an easy trail to his identity.

Whoa! And there’s the shortcut! Claire gives his name, General Dalton McGinnis. She reveals that Frank has always known about the attack, but not the assailant’s name. Frank looks down at his chessboard, recalculating the moves now that his queen has just fireballed herself straight into the center.

In the next moment, Frank and Blythe get the all-clear. Turns out the “anthrax” was flour and talcum powder, with residual pesticide in the flour giving a false positive. (Ick. Could you go back to that part about residual pesticide in the flour again, Mr. Fett?)

Frank yells to Nancy that he’s on his way down. She’s on it. Frank tells Blythe he’ll get his funding no matter how the vote goes. Good, says Blythe, because he’s still voting against. Blythe compliments the bravery of Frank’s wife, and Frank returns the compliment. And then Frank is running toward the floor. Jackie stops him. She’s only gotten four votes and they have 45 minutes left. Jackie yells for every ream of paper Nancy has.

Frank goes to Claire, because whatever is going on in their marriage, they are a team, and a dragon knows when to fly to his mate.

Claire, outside, tells Connor that she hates lying. Connor asks if McGinnis really attacked her, and Claire says yes. In that case, Connor says, he couldn’t care less about her lying about the abortion part. I think I’m with Connor on this one. Twenty minutes to go with the interview. Ashley’s producer comes out – there’s a Marine private on the phone who says McGinnis raped her two years ago, but she won’t give her name. Claire gets on the phone.

We see just the outline of Claire picked out in light as she talks to the frightened private, offering her the protection of the Vice President’s office. Private Megan Hennessey gives Claire her name.

Oh, snap, Jackie Sharp is good. Really good. She slams into the Democratic cloakroom with carts and boxes of printouts. She has the names of everyone in America who will lose home care services if the government shuts down. …And the ones who will lose welfare benefits, and the ones who will go on furlough and the ones who will lose student loans, transportation services, post-combat counseling…

Blythe says he can’t vote for the package. And Jackie says agrees that he shouldn’t. But she does ask him to get four of his people to do it instead. And then she asks him to work with her afterwards, because she’s not Frank Underwood. I still haven’t figured out Congresswoman Sharp, but damn, do I like her character more every episode. Complex, interesting, and really freaking smart.

Back in the final moments of the interview, Claire is looking just a tiny bit rattled. Is that calculated or not? We’ll never know.

Private Hennessey, on the phone, says she knows of at least two other women McGinnis raped that year alone. Frank comes into the room. Connor asks him if he wants to join, but Frank knows not to interrupt a master at work.

In his office, General McGinnis watches the interview as his phone rings and rings. The phone finally stops, but his subordinate comes in to let him know that his wife is on the phone. Yes, I’ll bet she is.

Ashley leans forward to tell Claire that this interview will make waves like Claire never imagined. Please. If it’s beyond Claire’s imagination, you do not want to see it. Claire looks at Frank, who nods at her, proud steam rising from his nostrils. In a dark and deserted parking lot, Bosch the Parrot gets into a car and wonders where his old contact Carter is. His new boss is… Oh, man, the White House FBI liaison, Agent Green. Bosch can’t understand why they’re even bothering to set up such a small-timer like Lucas, especially since he can’t write code and is incapable of real cyberterrorism.

Bosch – whose real name is Gavin – asks when he can stop being an informant. Looks like never, unless he’s willing to rat out his hacker friends or spend a lot of time in jail. Oh, poor Lucas.

Frank and Claire share a vapor cigarette in the darkness where it’s cosy, basking in the near-defeats that they turned into swooping triumphs. Claire wishes they had the real thing, and Frank gets up and pulls a real tobacco cigarette out from its hiding place under a lamp. Claire isn’t even mad. She asks Frank to sing to her, and he starts to sing “Polly, Pretty Polly,” which is an interesting choice. It’s also known as “The Gosport Tragedy” and “The Cruel Ship’s Carpenter.”

The lyrics start out sweet, and those are the only parts we hear:

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly, would you take me unkind Polly, Pretty Polly, would you take me unkind Let me set beside you and tell you my mind

Well my mind is to marry and never to part My mind is to marry and never to part The first time I saw you it wounded my heart

…But then things in the song get cray. We start to fade out on the Underwoods as the song’s narrator invites Polly to go out for a walk with him, and we fade out completely before we get to this part of the lyrics:
Oh Willie, Little Willie, I’m afraid of your ways Willie, Little Willie, I’m afraid of your ways The way you’ve been rambling you’ll lead me astray

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly, your guess is about right Polly, Pretty Polly, your guess is about right I dug on your grave the biggest part of last night

Well she went a little farther and what did she spy She went a little farther and what did she spy A new dug grave with a spade lying by

Oh she knelt down before him a pleading for her life She knelt down before him a pleading for her life Let me be a single girl if I can’t be your wife

Oh Polly, Pretty Polly that never can be Polly, Pretty Polly that never can be Your past reputation’s been trouble to me

And then Polly’s suitor murders her, with several charming regional variations as to exactly how long he torments her before the actual killing part of this heartwarming folk song.

And then in many, if not most, versions, William, the attacker, signs onto a ship after the murder. But Polly’s ghost is waiting for him there. And she catches him in the ship’s rigging and claws him right the fuck to pieces.

Of course this is the song Claire wants to hear, all about the patience of waiting until it’s finally time to claw. Of course, of course this is what the Underwoods use for a tender, stress-relieving lullaby. Sleep well, you crazebuckets.

You sleep well too. I’ll see you next week.

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