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“House of Cards” recap (2.13): Tumbling Down, Clawing Up

Linda Vasquez is sweating it out, testifying before the Judiciary Committee about whether the President was taking medication and also whether he was being generally sort of a weirdo. And was his instructing the White House counsel to coach a witness deliberate wrongdoing or the result of drugs or what? And, say, why did Vasquez resign, anyway? She’s being diplomatic and evasive… ooh, except when it comes to Frank, whom she hates pretty hard. She says she resigned because of Frank. And only Frank.

Frank talks about the Judiciary Committee with Morley Safer. Morley has been scripted some entertainingly tough questions-I wonder if that was a writing choice, or if he was canny enough to insist on that. (Think about that next time, Chris Hayes.) Frank pretends to be offended at the movement for impeachment among his fellow Democrats, especially Jackie Sharp, with whom he plotted out that movement just last episode. And, as always, Frank pretends to be helping the President. Morley calls Frank out on his rift with Walker and on how Frank could, duh, benefit from and impeachment. Frank keeps up his Rah Rah Mr. President act.

Vasquez confers with the President, who knows Frank is lying his ass off and whose approval numbers are at 24%. Walker wants to offer Frank’s head up instead of his own. Ooh, he’s learning from the Underwoods! If only it were happening at a faster pace. Walker wants to use Tusk’s testimony: He’s supposed to spill everything, spike Frank, and say that Walker knew nothing. Tusk will collect a pardon and all will be right with the world. Vasquez is concerned about coaching another witness, since that is just what got them in trouble, but Walker says it’s not coaching, it’s the truth. If Linda will run the errand with Tusk, she’ll get her old Chief of Staff job back. Walker, meanwhile, will keep the appearance of clean hands by taking off to Camp David. Frank knows the President can’t ask him to resign, but wants to force him out. So he deduces that Walker will go straight back to Tusk. And also deduces that Tusk will happily incriminate himself if he knows there’s a pardon in the pipeline. Doug thinks Tusk is a hand grenade, and Frank agrees. So it’s time to pull the pin and throw Tusk at the President before the President can throw him at Frank. They have 40 hours. Yep, it’s getting cray.

Frank and Claire are asleep in Murky Towers and a phone wakes them. They have a charming little moment where neither of them can figure out whose it is. It’s Seth for Claire. Next thing you know, Meechum is saying the plane will be ready in 30 minutes. (Poor Meechum. I wonder if he spends every night wondering if this is the one when he’ll be allowed back into bed to cuddle. Sort of like the family dog that got to leap up into bed that one night of the scary thunderstorm, plus everyone was drunk.) Claire is so nervous she doesn’t know where her phone is when it’s right in her hand. Was the emergency she’s heading for just a panic attack? Or something worse?

Jackie Sharp points out that impeachment is their party’s only chance to maintain their House majority. She’s talking to Donald Blythe, who got locked in with Frank all those months ago. Jackie has 12 votes to whip up-no, wait, 11! Blythe is, surprisingly, already on board. He wasn’t kidding about working with her as long as she doesn’t become Frank Underwood. I believe that Jackie won’t become another Frank. I think she may become something just as ferocious and even more complicated. I’m eager to see what it is.

Vasquez is coaching Tusk on his testimony. He doesn’t want to go to jail, and thinks some assurances about a pardon would be nice. And how exactly is he meant to trust Garrett Walker again? Linda asks Tusk for one simple thing: Tell the truth and take out Frank. And good things will come. In the middle of all this, there’s a knock at the door and Tusk gets a lovely package. At least he tips. It’s a piece of fruit and a single ticket to Madame Butterfly. Tusk lies that it’s a care package from his wife.

Megan’s mom warns Claire that they had to put Megan on a heavy dose of lithium. It was either that or commit her. Claire looks around at Megan’s flowery childhood room with the incongruous military photos on the walls. Megan looks terrible-washed out and grey, like so many people who have dealt with the Underwoods and had their life forces drained away. Claire moves to touch her hair, but Megan is aware enough to tell her to stop.

Claire knows that they found Megan in the lake. Claire says she cares and Megan calls bullshit: You don’t use someone you care about. Megan lists all the horrible names she gets called now that she’s gone public about her assault – “liar,” “bitch,” “traitor” and “slut,” with the attacks coming from all sides, in the mail and online. Megan blames Claire, saying she wishes she’d never called her. She takes a pill, saying the first face she thinks of when she takes one is General McGinnis. And the next face is Claire’s. Megan blames Claire. And all she can say in return is “I’m sorry you felt used.” And then she’s back into hollow phrases about the political landscape shifting. But Megan isn’t listening anymore.

Tricia calls Claire-she got Claire’s text about Megan, and poor, used, frightened Tricia does care. Claire says Megan is in bad shape and Tricia tries to figure out what she can do from her bunkered-up position. Next Tricia asks about Claire, and says she herself is holding up, in spite of the phalanx of lawyers and the hell her family is going through. Guileless Tricia manages to throw an accidental dart by saying she took some inspiration from Claire’s television interview where she admitted to the abortion, saying the truth is a powerful thing. Ouch. Claire apologizes to Tricia. She feels “partly responsible” for her family’s trials, since she suggested counseling and all, and lies that she never would have said anything had she known what would happen. Tricia is happy with their fake marriage counseling, though and thinks Claire was kind to go see Megan. She says Claire is a good person. (No. No, she is not.) Tricia hangs up and Claire’s dragon armor clanks to the ground in great, rusty chunks. Human Claire, the one who sees a world in which she could have real friends like Tricia and wouldn’t drive young women who have survived a pain she knows all too well to attempt suicide, breaks down and cries in the Murky Towers stairwell. She gives herself, all alone, less than 30 seconds for the human pain to spill out.

And then it is over. She wipes her eyes and stretches and sprouts a new, stronger set of scales and claws, glistening and diamond-tipped, and the Claire we know is back.

Frank watches Madama Butterfly, with half an eye-he’s really waiting to be called outside. Or rather, into a hallway. Hello, Tusk. Tusk always wants to hear a competing offer. He knows Frank must have one, but is skeptical that the Vice President can put up anything as good as a pardon. Frank says he’s not your typical Vice President. Oh, really? Frank says that what he can do is whip votes, and that if Walker will not survive impeachment. Tusk, who for a bright guy still has a lot to figure out, doesn’t think Frank can pull that same weight in the Senate. Frank notes that yes, Walker might squeak past impeachment, but then Tusk has tied himself to an utterly powerless President. And if Walker gets convicted, they all go to jail and nobody gets a pardon. Frank gives Tusk the investor one last chance to minimize his risk: Frank can repair relations with China and get Tusk’s business humming again. As Puccini echoes through the hallways, Tusk tells Frank to remember the beautiful music when he’s in jail. Frank walks away putting a bold face on it, humming the Presidential theme instead.

Gavin the Parrot puts Cashew back in her cage, and I believe he’s using that upper hand he now has with Green. Green is worried about his ability to get Brown out of jail and how to drop the charges against Gavin without tipping off the whole Bureau on to the fact that something fishy (Cashewy?) is going on. Green proposes bringing Gavin on with the FBI, but somehow making Gavin betray his own friends and threatening to crush his guinea pig has turned him off working for the Feds forever. Gavin catalogues Green’s inability to do a damn thing and then says he going to meet with Doug Stamper, and all deals are off. Cashew laughs her water bottle right off the wall. I think Green’s cage may be in need of cleaning.

Claire is blowing off steam – dragons have so much steam to blow off, even on low-stress days – on the rowing machine when Frank gets back to Murky Towers. She knows Raymond said no, even though Frank spins it as neither a yes nor a no. So Tusk could still name Frank, could still send him to jail. Unacceptable. Frank says he’s trying. Trying? Trying is not good enough for Claire. She is Dark Yoda: Try not. Do. Or do not, in which case I will stuff your own charred intestines straight down your still-screaming mouth. There is no try.

Frank is exhausted and defeated, ready to roll the dice and let the chaos just play out and hope for the best. He says he can’t very well sit in the hearings with a gun pointed at Tusk’s head. Claire isn’t having this. If Tusk can’t be controlled and won’t listen to Frank, she wants Walker himself to call off Tusk. Frank complains that he can’t force a man who thinks he’s the enemy to call him his friend.

Oh, Claire is angry now. She was assured she wouldn’t need to prepare for the worst. She’s done what she needed to do, no matter how ruthless she needed to be. Claire held up until her weakness burst through the cracks and then she choked it back away and built herself up again and now Frank is falling down. And if you want to know why anything else happens to or for Frank Underwood for the rest of the series, it is because of Claire, right in this moment. Don’t even think for a second that he could have done this himself.

Claire rises up from the machine, wings unfurling with ravishing menace, the new extra-hard scales on her belly glinting in the faint lights of Murky Towers.

“Seduce him,” she orders. “Give him your heart. Cut it out and put it in his fucking hands.”

Frank walks into the next room, knowing that somehow, somehow, he has to do Claire’s bidding. There is no question. Do. He starts to write a note by hand, then pulls out an old Underwood typewriter instead. It’s a talismanic typewriter, old even when it was given to him by his father, and it will not fail him.

Frank, as he does in crises, feints and strikes with his selective honesty. Frank lies that he doesn’t want to diminish the President, but truthfully admits that he wants to be the President. With that seeming vulnerability in place, Frank goes back to lying that he only wants to follow and support Walker in his leadership.

Frank tells the story of walking in on his father’s failed suicide, of his father begging Frank to pull the trigger for him. And tells how, years later, he regretted that he hadn’t. As a finishing touch, Frank includes a trigger for Walker to pull, if he chooses: A “false” confession to the crimes Walker has been accused of. Frank says he’s willing to sacrifice himself for the President, which is another lie. Frank is only willing to sacrifice himself for Claire.

Walker, not a complete dim bulb, only half believes this. He calls Frank to let him know that Tricia has faith in the Underwoods, but Garrett isn’t sure. Walker says Frank’s good intentions won’t help him survive impeachment; he wants proof. He wants whipped votes in the House. Frank protests that that mean Jackie Sharp is making this very difficult. Frank says the key battle is really making sure the President avoids conviction. Frank says he’ll keep whipping votes and getting information. Walker, feeling something soothing about the whole exchange, like being in a tub of water that’s being heated oh-so-gently, suggests that he and Frank talk tomorrow. The door is open, and Frank’s clawfoot is on the threshold again.

Jackie and Remy confer. Oh, ick, Remy has no safe haven and no principles to stand on. It’s not a good look. Remy complains that Frank screwed him, but Jackie points out that Remy screwed first. Jackie says Remy will be taken care of – if he helps them out. And then his reward will depend on his merit… And will be commensurate with his loyalties, Jackie adds with a sting. He’ll just have to wait and see. Someone by a truckload of burn salve for Remy. Jackie points out that Remy can’t exactly afford to be choosy; he’s got nowhere to go. Remy says power is better than money for as long as it lasts. But it never lasts. He also says Jackie has gotten colder. And he misses her. Jackie asks again: Will Remy cooperate?

Linda Vasquez is supremely vexed to get a call from the President asking her to tell Tusk the deal is off. There is no pardon. Vasquez offers the very politest form of “Are you fucking KIDDING me?!” that she can, but no dice. If she wants her job back, it’s time to screw over Tusk. Linda stares at her phone, knowing that somehow Frank’s prints are on it.

Frank talks to Senator Kern, ostensibly trying to get him to get on board with helping Walker… But oh, dear, Frank seems to have gotten sidetracked. Frank is suddenly talking about how if he were President, he would surely have made a man of Kern’s abilities the Secretary of the Treasury. Kern, who was passed over by Walker, has the nub of Frank’s gist.

Tusk is on the phone with Vasquez, pissed as all creation, knowing that Frank is behind the sudden betrayal but having no proof. Tusk says he’ll go back to his original plan of pleading the 5th. Only – Oh, shit – Remy Danton is volunteering to testify for special prosecutor Dunbar right now. Which means that whether Tusk pleads the 5th or not, he’s going to be caged up tighter than his parakeets. Since he has no way of knowing that Remy hasn’t, in fact, been promised anything, Tusk jumps to the conclusion that Walker is selling out Tusk and offering Remy the pardon instead. Uh-oh.

What Remy is actually doing is stalling, though. We see Dunbar and her team waiting for him to show. I want to see the spinoff show where Dunbar works off all this tightly controlled rage by kickboxing the crap out of street criminals at night.

In front of the Judiciary Committee, Tusk pleads the 5th over and over. He sounds like an even bigger sleazebucket than he is, and he knows it. Tusk stews as he gets pummelled with questions and threatened with a Grand Jury, then finally lashes out. “He knew,” says Tusk. Tusk starts spilling, just like Frank using a plausible mix of the truth and lies, saying he believes the “mechanism” he used to fund political races was in the boundaries of the law, but that, oh, yes, the President knew all about it.

Danton cancels, but Dunbar no longer cares. She’s got Tusk, which means she’s got the President. Tusk submits to arrest happily, almost disappointed that he gets no handcuffs. Dunbar and Tusk’s lawyers are dealing in seconds, talking bonds and plea bargains. All Dunbar cares about is Tusk’s cooperation.

Boom. Online petitions are flying around and China is officially Very Put Out and newspeople are making cameos left and right as we learn that Americans are mad and impeachment is rolling. The President’s approval rating is in the single-digit zone. Kern moves to unite with Republican Senator Mendoza to impeach. You know, for “bipartisanship.” Bipartisanship is tastier when there’s a plum job on the table.

Frank paints a model cannon as he and Walker consult. Frank drives a few last daggers into Tusk and suggests the President meet with Kern. Walker is starting to accept his political death. He’s tired and wonders if he’s done. Frank gives walker a rah-rah speech even as he makes continuing to fight sound even more wretched than just quietly giving up. Walker doesn’t want his kids to see him go to jail. Frank gives Walker his word that if the worst happens, he’ll never go to jail.

“He’s in the darkness now,” Frank tells us. “And I’m the only beacon of light. Now we gently guide him toward the rocks.”

Doug sits down with Gavin the Parrot. I am disappointed that Gavin didn’t bring Cashew to the meeting, but I assume she’s on a hacking mission. Gavin tells Doug he knows all about Rachel and where she is. He’s got the texts between Doug and Rachel, he’s got the apartment, and he’s got Doug’s movements. Doug is not a fan of being extorted, but seems relieved to hear that Gavin mostly wants Doug’s protection from the FBI. And he tells Doug that no one else knows about Rachel. Oh, Gavin.

Doug arrives at the Depression Arms and shoves Rachel awake. He demands that she put some clothes on and get moving, as he’s done so many times before. In the car, Doug asks if anyone contacted her. She says no. Doug says “there’s someone who knows about us,” like they’re having an affair-the consensual kind-and the fear sets into Rachel’s eyes. Rachel just wants to know if Doug is going to hurt her. And she knows that there’s nothing she can say that he’ll believe, and wonders if that would matter anyway.

Doug says he just wants to help Rachel and she finally lashes out, yelling that he only destroys things for her, and she calls out how creepy his visits are, how awful it is to read to him like he’s a child. She asks Doug why he can’t just leave her and he shouts loudly enough to frighten her into silence.

It’s late and they’re on one of those lonely roads through nowhere and they finally pull up at a red light and there is a moment of silence as Rachel calculates which is scarier: risking Doug’s rage or finding out where that car is going.

And suddenly she’s out the door and sprinting into the woods. For once, this isn’t a metaphor: RUN, RACHEL, RUN!

She’s in the woods now, so very dark and insects humming everywhere. Doug wheedles at her in the darkness, trying to get her back, telling how much he tried to protect her. And Doug is just beginning to explain why he has done all this for her when Rachel comes up from behind and clobbers the fuck out of him with a rock.

Doug manages to turn to her and ask stupidly what she’s doing, but she hits him again across the temple, and then nails him one more time for luck. Doug falls down.

And then Rachel is back in the car and speeding away. DRIVE, RACHEL, DRIVE!

Let’s all hope she’s already calling Lisa (safely, using a hands-free device) and meeting her back at the Depression Arms to pack their things while they have an abbreviated Big Relationship Talk and then ditch Doug’s car and go anywhere, literally anywhere but the DC-Baltimore metropolitan area.

And let’s hope it’s at least a couple of days before anyone remembers that there’s an ex-prostitute out there who knows what happened to the late Congressman Russo.

The House Committee decides to bypass debate and recommends Articles of Impeachment proceed straight to the House floor. Daaaammmn

Frank and Claire share a cigarette by their favorite window and Meechum arrives with a bit of quiet news. Frank hugs Claire, full body with their tails twining, like they always do when they win.

Frank has been summoned to Camp David to accept Walker’s resignation.

When the Underwoods arrive, Frank kisses Tricia Walker with fake concern. He still goes through all the motions because it can’t hurt him to do so, and besides, it helps to smooth over all those tracks. Frank pretends he’s still ready to fight for the President, but Walker says it’s better to step aside with some dignity. It’s better for the nation. Frank blinks at that last statement, wondering what it could mean.

No need to gloat, so Underwood keeps up the humble act. “I could never fill your shoes, Sir,” Frank breathes, meaning that there is no way his feet could ever be held by something so small and flimsy. Walker gives Frank his letter and confession back. Frank looks to us, then tosses it into the fire. No point in leaving a loose end lying around. (Psst. Frank. There’s a loose end lying happily in the back seat of Doug’s car with her partially clothed girlfriend.)

Walker makes his announcement as dozens of reporters try to figure out when he got so grey.

Walker says that Frank Underwood will bring virtue, experience, and courage to the Oval Office. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Walker, drained of his life force, says that serving as President has been an honor, and he still has faith in the country. Good luck with that, because now Frank is on deck.

Frank raises his hand to take the oath as Claire holds the Bible, just as she always knew she would.

The National Security team is already at Camp David, ready to brief him on China. Frank wants Beijing on the phone-there’s a new President in town, and he thinks they’ll want to talk. Seth is making an announcement that the Chinese and American fleets are both standing down before the reporter gaggle has even had time to freshen their steno pads. That’s some quick action. Ayla notes that that was pretty quick work on Walker, too. (Loose end! Loose end!)

Oh, hello, Feng, the Justice Department is here, and they would like a word. His asylum has been revoked. Oh, man, Xander Feng is going to get straight-up executed. Durant says this diminishes the integrity of the State Department and Frank says it’s worth it for peace. And, presumably, for his own peace of mind. Frank likes things tidy.

…But the world insists on being untidy: A chopper flies over Doug’s body, lying in the woods.

(It’s possible that Doug isn’t dead, but he sure doesn’t seem to be blinking. If this were a two-season show, I’d assume he was dead. But House of Cards has been picked up for a third season, and this world is more interesting with Doug in it, so hmm…

On the other hand, if Doug is dead, that means that Green is the only person who knows that Gavin is out there, and that Gavin has a good idea of what Frank was mixed up in. That’s a hell of a loose end too.)

Seth introduces the President and First lady as they walk into the halls of power. Frank shakes hands, then twines his arm with Claire, as they do when they are especially happy, full of triumph and blood and dragon love.

Nearly a year has passed since we started this season and it’s almost time for Frank’s birthday again. I have a feeling that Meechum will be giving the Underwoods some more of that excellent whisky. Claire, though, had a new ring made to replace the one Frank buried. We all know that Claire made this happen, that she’s the reason he’s controlling the country instead of in jail, but she tells Frank to be glad for what he’s done. And to take a few moments for himself.

The Oval Office door thuds shut behind Frank as he walks in and takes a deep breath. He shoves Walker’s old chair out of the way and puts on his new ring. Frank rests his hands on the desk and leans forward in a power position, the way he would to lean forward to chew you out or maybe come right across it and strangle you. Frank breathes for a few moments, just to get used to how that much power feels.

And then Frank raps his fist on the desk, strengthening it for the next fight.

Good season, eh? I don’t know how the Underwoods could go higher next season, so I look forward to them spiraling sideways into crazy. In the meantime, let’s hope that Heather Dunbar gets her own amazing show and that Jackie Sharp keeps honing her awesomeness and that Tusk’s birds fly around his prison window all day every day, just to show him what freedom looks like.

And lets hope that Rachel and Lisa are running fast. And that they’re making out while they can. As should we all be.

Now give your knuckles a rap and get out there.

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