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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.5): The grave never bothered me anyway

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Jenna Marshall’s eyeball transplant took a turn for the worse and she was left as blind as the day Alison & Co. threw a firecracker at her to stop her having sex with her stepbrother, so she fled town but left behind her lover, Halloween store employee Shana Fring, who was driven to madness by Alison & Co.’s lack of remorse and ultimately killed in the face by Aria’s shotgun for deciding to put on a black hoodie and send a bunch of texts saying stuff like, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” Shana’s family filmed her funeral from multiple angles and uploaded it to WebsiteTubes. It had one million views. One million of them were from Aria Montgomery.

Hanna and Travis are stargazing out on Hanna’s lawn. Well. Actually. Travis is stargazing and Hanna is gazing into the black abyss of a future where everyone thinks she’s Ali’s doppelganger puppet again. Travis tries to comfort her but he doesn’t get it. If only Hanna’s boyfriend understood the complicated feelings of loving a ghost! If only such a man existed!

Downtown Rosewood. Aria and Ezra stroll the streets at midnight, talking about how if he can forgive himself for preying on her, she can forgive herself for murdering the girl who shot him in the guts. They are halted in their tracks by the site of Alison, out alone in the middle of the night, chatting up someone in an SUV. Aria calls out to her like, “Uh, hey? How’s it going out here in the dark by yourself like the night you were smacked in the gourd with a crowbar?” Ali waves off the SUV and says her dad’s assistant was just dropping her off to retrieve some school papers he left at his office. There’s no time to be nosy nellies about her story because the sounds of a bus arriving from Special are followed by the long forgotten click-clack that always accompanies the splendor of Jenna Marshall’s presence.

The bus vanishes. Jenna turns serenely on the spot to face two of the people who blinded her and one of the people who wrote about it in his True Crime novel. They stare at her across the road. She does not stare back because she is re-blind. (OR IS SHE?)

Over tea and cookies – “Stop calling them ‘biscuits,’ Toby; you were in England like a week” – Toby quotes F. Scott Fitzgerald about Ali, talking about action is character. I’m not going to read into it that Toby is dropping lines from the novel Fitzgerald dropped dead in the middle of writing; I’m going to remember that time the Liars went to that Great Gatsby pawn shop so Spencer could pawn the ring her sister’s dead fiance gave her to buy Toby a truck that he still drives around town. Toby finds it hard to believe that Alison has changed. I find it hard to believe he’s stopping at one quote from The Love of the Last Tycoon. One more obscure literary reference and Spencer would be on him like a cat on a string. Their sexy scholarly banter/accusations of Hastings murder plots is cut short when Jenna calls from the bus stop with the news that Shana has been murdered.

The Liars meet to decide whether or not Jenna has returned to town to punish them for blinding her and killing her girlfriend. An actual thing Hanna has the nards to say out loud. Emily, who frankly should be a lot more fucking empathetic about the death of a damn girlfriend, says Jenna should have stayed in New York to cry, and Aria says that all of them should feel free to tell the truth to everyone because she’s not going to eff up their relationships with her lies. Ali whips around at the window when she says that, eyes as wide as moonbeams, looking like Aria just invited her friends to summon hellbeasts right into her living room. But also, Ali says she has decided to try on the truth like so many masks of her own face. She’s going to make amends to everyone she ever messed with in all of Rosewood. Aria’s eyebrows go: “Well, shit. See you in a hundred years.”

It is a testament to the heinous social warfare of teenagers the world over that Alison DiLaurentis, a girl who has been victimized in one way or another by half the men in this town and buried alive by her own mother, has to remind herself that she’s been through worse stuff than returning to high school. Rachel Platten’s “Begin Again” plays her through her pep talk in the mirror and slow walk through the rubberneckers at Rosewood High. It wouldn’t be such a high-impact moment without some serious directing chops from our friend Norman Buckley and editing prowess from our friend Lois Blumenthal – I mean, this scene just could be an “aww” and an “ouch” but it feels like a series of body punches, no matter whose side you’re on. It’s also like, stop saying endgame about your romance ships. The Liars are the Ship.

Now here’s a weird thing. Alison can’t remember where the guidance counselor’s office is. The girl who remembered every dollar and trinket and ciphered note she left in all the paintings and holes and doll heads from here to Hilton Head can’t remember where the guidance counselor’s office is. Hashtag twin theories, but I sure hope not because the actual journey of the girl I hope is actual Alison DiLaurentis is one of the most fascinating things I’ve ever watched.

The Liars’ reverie is interrupted by a page for Spencer to report to the principal’s office, probably because they want to use her as the flag for the Pledge of Allegiance.

Just kidding. Veronica has returned from the spa and she’s getting the shit out of Rosewood – leaving Peter and his whiskey-drinkin’, DiLaurentis-shaggin’, opossum-poisonin’ ways behind – and taking Spencer with her. She’s got exactly zero minutes of time to answer Spencer’s growing number of questions but when Spencer won’t stop pushing, she finally cracks and explains that Peter did take her to a spa, but she didn’t check in, because the truth is she’s a senior detective of the 16th precinct of New York City’s Special Victims Unit and Peter and Melissa are not where they said they were the night Jessica was shoveled. When Peter involved Melissa in his lust for carnage, he broke his wedding vows and now he must pay the ultimate price of not getting to see Spencer’s perfect face anymore.

Hanna is happy to have a reason not to talk about Ali even if it means dealing with another pocketful of lies, this time in the form of Lucas telling her he’s got a girlfriend and she’s coming into town for a party tonight. Probably because she hasn’t slept in like a week, but Hanna doesn’t register that Caleb is to Lucas as she is to Mona, and so by “girlfriend coming into town” Lucas means “beautiful hobo returning from the land of little devil girls and death curses.” She says she’ll bring Travis to the party and he says “OK!” because that’s one less person to compete with for Caleb’s affection. (And also because [spoiler alert!] #MonasArmy knows you gotta split up the herd if you want to isolate a zebra for supper.)

Hanna and Aria and Emily call Spencer a bunch of times and tell her they are worried because she never came back from the principal’s office and did he tell her Mona beat her out for valedictorian or something because yes that would be uncomfortable but it’s no reason to do something that’s going to cause her eyes to go dead again and the park rangers to check her back into Radley. Call them back. Alison is in “guidance counselor hell” probably because a Master’s Degree in social work cannot prepare you to reintroduce a zombiefied queen bee into her natural habitat. Hanna and Emily think they’re peaked on anxiety, but then Aria tells them she’s going over to Jenna’s after school because: “Maybe y’all spent four seasons robbing banks with your moms and killing your killers but this is brand new to me, and ignoring a girl I widowed and blinded feels kinda unconscionable.”

But what happens is Aria breaks into Jenna’s house in her continued quest to commit as many felonies as possible against her. Jenna is sitting on the floor just crying and crying, surrounded by her snow globes, and when she calls out, “Is someone there???” Aria backs out of the room like one of those bouncing kittens, all “Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope.”

After swim team practice Sydney Driscoll invites Emily to come along to a Frozen singalong tonight because it’s free pizza on a school night and that’s gotta be less stressful than Pam Fields following you from room-to-room, shielding you with a kevlar umbrella. Emily’s like, “Lord the last time a girl invited me to karaoke … I’ll just hum.” And once Sydney Driscoll hops on out of there, Emily sees said karaoke-er and their eyes get all tangled up and then their feelings get all tangled up and their words get all tangled up.

Emily: You have to go to school every day. You can’t let Alison have power over you anymore. Paige: Both of those things are rich coming from you. Emily: I know it’s probably weird watching the girl who broke your heart do everything she can to protect the girl who bullied you into the closet. Paige: And the sky is blue and rain is wet. Emily: Paige, that that don’t kill you can only make you stronger. Paige: Oh, Kanye lyrics? Well, baby, you got 99 problems and a bitch is one.
Emily has significantly more than 99 problems and the majority of them are bitches, actually – but now is not the moment to get all Spencer about fractions. She invites Alison and Paige to have a supervised chat in her bedroom and the way it is filmed, even though I knew there was going to be a Paige/Ali scene in this episode, made me gasp so hard. I was shocked (I’m still shocked) that the writers put them in a room together. I’m going to say a cultural thing and I’m going to say a storytelling thing and then I’ll tell you about this scene.

A cultural thing: Somebody asked me on Tumblr the other day if I thought the PLL actors should mind their own beeswax and not be vocal about the ships they ship, specifically w/r/t Paige vs. Alison, and it caught me so off-guard that I laughed for like 15 minutes.

The first person I ever interviewed for AfterEllen back in like 2008 played one of my all-time favorite lesbian TV characters and she spent practically the whole interview telling me how playing gay was a one-time thing and she was playing and she didn’t want to be typecast as a lesbian for her whole career. It’s a sentiment that has been prevalent in straight women playing gay ladies for as long as I can remember. I can’t even tell you how many people I have interviewed who have said the exact same thing, or the number of people who have flat-out refused to be interviewed by AfterEllen because of the fear of being branded as a lesbian actor.

The first time I interviewed Shay Mitchell, she blew my brain wide open because she wasn’t just OK with playing gay; she was so excited about it. She loved Emily, loved Emily’s story, her journey, the way she spoke comfort and truth into a world that – at the time – was striking down same-sex marriage right and left and refusing to allow gay soldiers to serve openly in the military and, frankly, a world where her first acting gig was going to brand her for the rest of her career. And she was just twirling in the light of her own perfection and not giving a single fuck about that stuff. “Love is love, right?” is a thing she said to me, and she believed it and she proved it.

Lindsey Shaw broke down in tears on the phone with me when I told her about how overwhelmed I was with Paige’s coming out story and she has advocated for Paige every day since they extended what was supposed to be a three-episode arc. Bianca Lawson came to this website and read everyone of our recaps and laughed with us and shouted us out on red carpets and loved Maya St. Germain in her true heart. Marlene King, same thing. Every interview I have done with her, she has been so warm and open and she clapped a real out-loud clap when I told her last season I thought PLL was gayer than The L Word. And now Sasha Pieterse, in her first full season on the show, wants Alison to go all in with Emily.

BuzzFeed asked 100 people in the PLL cast and crew to say their favorite moment over the first 100 episodes and people picked more Paige/Emily and Emily/Maya moments than moments featuring any other couple.

So, no. Gods no. I do not want these actors and writers and directors and producers to shut their mouths about shipping lesbian couples. In six years, the shape of the entire world has changed. It is unrecognizable compared to where we were when the Pretty Little Liars pilot aired, and if you don’t think a huge part of that political and social change happened because of this show, you need to check yourself and some sociological studies.

Emily, Paige, Maya, Samara, Horrible Quinn, Jenna, Shana, Zoe, that lesbian bar – and now the character the entire show revolves around? Dudes. Rosewood is a kind of hell, but it’s also a kind of heaven. Queer heaven.

And the truth isn’t only in the quantity; the truth is in the effortless quality. Which brings us to the storytelling thing: It would have been easy as pie for PLL to have left Paige out of this season entirely. She’s a supporting character. Emily broke up with her in last season’s finale. There’s not even a big enough budget for more than one Liar to have parents in any given episode. It would also have been very easy for them to have written off Emily’s feelings for Alison as a thing she grew out of and Alison’s feelings for Emily as a straight-up lie. It would have broken my heart and it would have rang false in every way to ditch Paige and leave Ali and Emily’s relationship unexplored, but it would have been easy. So it has delighted me down to my core to see them not backing down from the reality of this impossible triangle.

In my wildest dreams, this is exactly how I hoped it would play out. The weight of it, the depth of it, and the enormous amount of screentime of it. Putting Paige and Alison in a room together and allowing them to be true to who they are, and not having them hug it out, is exactly correct because it’s not like, “All right, what do we do with the homos this year?” It’s like, “What’s the truth of Emily being caught between two girls she has loved, both of whom hurt her enormously and one of whom bullied the daylights out of the other one?” And then telling that story like these characters are just characters; not gay characters.

Later, Hanna’s going to ask if Alison and Emily are together, and it never enters her mind to be weirded out or surprised by the fact that Alison could be not-straight. What worries her is she doesn’t trust Alison, and Emily is her best friend.

I was smoochin’ on my girlfriend the other day and I started laughing and she was like, “Um…?” And I was like, “Sorry, I was just thinking how weird it is that there was ever a time in my life when I thought smoochin’ on a girl I love was anything other than the most regular thing in the world.” That’s what Pretty Little Liars makes me feel like, almost always. Especially now. And what’s better is it’s telling that truth to girls who are only just feeling their way toward the smoochin’ part and the coming out part and the naming yourself part. And it costs the creatives something to make that happen for us, because ABC Family pushes back on these lady/lady love scenes. They fight for us, these PLL execs. They’re our Hanna Marin.

I hate stupid ship wars because this is so much fuller and better than that garbage, but I’m glad there’s a show that has enough legitimate queerness that there’s a reason for lesbians to call each other names on Tumblr too. In a bizarre way, it’s what equality looks like.

ANYWAY. So Paige and Alison are standing in Emily’s room and Emily is like, “Should I stay, or…?” And Paige and Alison both demure without taking their eyes off of each other. They look like – you know how wolves circle each other when they’re trying to decide whether or not to run for it or go for each other’s jugulars? They look like that, but if the wolves’ feets were glued to the ground. That’s the energy between them right now. Shaw and Pieterse: Awesome together.

Alison: I’m trying this new thing where I am honest even if it makes me vulnerable, and the hate radiating off you makes me think I might be exposing my throat to a mountain lion, but I want you to know I am ashamed that making you feel weak made me feel strong. Paige: You were a monster, Alison. I’m serious. And I didn’t feel sorry for you for a single second after you were dead. The only reason I am alive right now is because I fucking refused to lose to someone I hated. Emily’s face: Shit’s too real right now shit’s too real right now shit’s too real right now.

Alison, taking a step forward and pulling her hair out of the way so Paige really can go for the vein if she wants it: I’m sorry. Paige: Sorry for turning the most courageous thing I’d ever done into the most horrific moment of my life, or sorry that the pattern of doing those things caused the world to turn on you? Alison: For both of those things and stuff it would make your ears bleed to have to hear.

Alison has to lie down because she’s so dizzy from telling so many true things at one time. Paige has to go home and wrap up in a blanket because sometimes the path to It Gets Better is full of tears and fevers.

Spencer goes to Hanna’s under the guise of needing to pick up her homework, but mostly because she needs to be cuddled, and when Hanna Marin spoons you, nine times out of ten you forget there’s any evil in the world at all. And also because no matter how many times Spencer calls her tactless, she knows Hanna is releasing a brave kind of magic out into the world every time she refuses to say something other than the exact truth of who they are and what they’ve seen and how they’ve done. Spencer can’t even tell Ashley the truth about her parents splitting up, but she does tell Hanna the thing her mom told her about Peter killing Jessica. Hanna is like, “Is that a thing you’ve told Alison?” And Spencer is like, “I could barely say it to you and you’re the warmest place I’ve ever landed.” Spencer knows her family are a bunch of sociopaths, but they’re her sociopaths.

In similar fashion, Ali decides to come clean about all the practice frenching and waltzing she did with Emily and Spencer over the years by explaining it wasn’t so much “practice frenching” as it was “frenching-frenching.” Emily, who is on her way out the door to meet Paige for a thing Ali is not invited to, stops in her tracks and turns to look at Ali so slowly and her eyeballs are bugging out of her head like cartoon and she just starts quoting Orphan Black about, “…sexuality is a spectrum, but social biases codify sexual attraction, contrary to the biological facts?” And Ali is all, “It’s not about the science, Em; it’s about the feelings in my heart. And my pants.” Emily zips up her jacket and walks out the door and doesn’t breathe for like fifteen minutes. Not long enough for a psychic witch to pull her out of a grave or anything, but a long time.

Rear Window Brew. Travis texts Hanna: “Five minutes away from you is a million minutes too many! Hurry up!” And then Hanna turns around and time stops completely because Caleb Rivers is standing in front of her looking like a regular human boy and not an Instagrammed ghost. She’s so glad to see his face she doesn’t even ask what the shit is going on with his hair, but as soon as he spots her coffee labeled “Travis” he just magics himself into the air. And so of course Hanna goes to Lucas’ “girlfriend’s” party and gets blitzed on BlueDrink (boooooooo!) and has to be carted away by Travis, while she’s stuffing cupcakes in her mouth and telling him he literally has no idea like half of the shit he’s gotten himself into dating her. He thinks he does because: Wilden – but, honey, that’s barely a tenth of it.

At Roswewood High’s Frozen singalong, Paige must also be drunk (she won’t stop until she finds a coconut one!), because she’s so blasé about the news that her ex-girlfriend Shana was murdered in New York (as told to her by Janet Wu as told to Janet Wu by Jenna Marshall). She also doesn’t seem to be sporting any open wounds from her confrontation with Ali. I’d be hiding under my covers texting Hanna on repeat if that were me. Sydney’s like, “Who are these bitches I know nothing about?” And Emily is like, “Lesbian collateral in a war I was drafted into before I even owned a plaid button-up.” Paige wants to know if Emily is an Anna or an Elsa and she says she’s humming, which is a total cop out so let me tell it for you:

Paige is an Elsa, Emily is a Mulan, Spencer is a Belle, Aria is a Snow White, Hanna is an Anna, Toby is a Dory, Caleb is a Tramp, Mona is Maleficent, Sydney Driscoll is Mia Thermopolis, Jenna is Esmerelda, and Ezra is Ursula (“The way I see it, keep siiiiingiiing“). Oh, and Ashley Marin is Drunk Mary Poppins, obviously.

Also obvious: Love eyes.

Jenna pops by Aria’s for a late night visit and some tea and some talk of murder. At first Jenna is like, “Fool me once, Anita…” but then Aria asks her to come in and talk about Shana as much as she wants, so Jenna takes her right up on that offer.

While everyone else is busy with their business, Ali takes a late night stroll into the murder church, lookin’ for her Lord and Savior, I guess. She doesn’t find that guy – but she does find our messiah, Ms. Mona Vanderwaal of the Braavos Vanderwaals. (I say “Ms.” instead of “Miss” because she is, of course, married to the Light.) This was always going to be an awesome scene, just writing it down on paper, Marlene King had to know it was going to be an awesome scene, but Pieterse and Parrish are frikkin’ magicians, man. It goes like:

Ali: I’m not afraid of you, Mona. Mona: Then, bitch, you don’t know me. Ali: What do you even want? Mona: Oh, did I not make that clear when I drove you to the edge of town the night you died? I want you to hop in your plane or your chariot pulled by ringwraiths or whatever hellmobile you came here on, and I want you to go away for good. Ali: I’m not a threat to you anymore. Mona: Maybe you’ve convinced (quote!) “Hanna and the others” that you’ve been born again, but it’s only a matter of time before you backslide into bitchery, and when that day comes, I will baptize you with fire. Ali: People change.

Mona: The great Maya Angelou said when someone shows you who they are, you fuckin’ believe them. Ali: She also said bitterness is cancer; it eats upon the host. Mona: And but anger is fire; it burns all clean. Ali: You ran over Hanna with your car, you ass. Mona: That was before I had my adrenalized hyperreality under control, and thinking about it still makes me want to cry, but I gave her a makeover right after that, OK, and I’m on meds now to help me control my superpowers. Ali: I made everyone hate you once and I’ll make everyone hate you again. You may have the power of the sun in the palm of your hand, but I’m Alison DiLaurentis and I was born to rule over the unwashed masses. Mona: [SLAP!] Ali: [SLAP!] Mona: Awesome. That’s just what I needed. Holler at you tomorrow, dummy.

Ali rushes home and convenes a meeting of the Liars and tells almost the whole truth about what happened, but conveniently skips the part where she smacked Mona back and called herself a queen and everything.

Hanna doesn’t make it to the meeting because she is trolleyed off her ass. Travis drops her off at home and Ashley cuddles her sweetly and says, “I mean, you’re getting grounded because the last time I shielded you from dealing with the consequences of your actions we ended up with a cop-stalker for two years, but what the heck, Hanna?” All Hanna says is, “Caleb’s back.” And Ashley gets it.

Emily decides to sleep over at Alison’s on account of Ali is so freaked out by #MonaMania and also because she wants to dig a little deeper into that whole “those kisses weren’t for practice thing.” She asks Ali if it also is true that she missed Emily the most and Ali says that leaving Emily was the hardest part of leaving, and I actually think Alison is telling the truth about that. I think Alison is as in love with Emily as she is capable of being in love because – like I said a couple of weeks ago – I think Ali is made up mostly of the stories she tells other people about herself, and the stories she told Emily are the stories she wishes were true, the very very very best versions of who she could be on her very very very best day. And Emily believed her, and reflected that belief back at her.

It’s like: Ali has this gift where she can spin a web of bullshit so majestic it looks like a castle, but she can see and slice through other people’s bullshit like a single piece of thread. And she developed that gift when she was so young, right? She knew she was surrounded by perverseness and darkness and danger and she made herself hard to keep herself safe. And then there was Emily, all softness and sweetness and actual goodness, seeing Ali not as some kind of monster, but as someone worthy of her enormous love. If Ali wasn’t drunk on that, she didn’t have a soul. But Ali Ali-ed it because she harnessed that love and twisted it up and used it to power her own machinations and keep Emily in line. I’m convinced that’s why she fucked with Paige, to keep Emily from knowing the difference between someone who wanted her wholly and someone who maybe wanted her but definitely wanted to use her.

What’s really great about this season is we’re as confused as the Liars about who Alison really is. It’s like Emily says: We don’t even know which memories can be trusted. Memories aren’t movies, they’re plays. You’re never remembering exactly what happened, you’re remembering the last time you remembered and you’re projecting all of the stuff you know now and all of the feelings you feel now onto a thing that happened then. Was Ali messing with Emily years ago? Is she messing with her now? She seems sincere, but she’s still got a thousand secrets stashed in hundreds of lunchboxes locked inside dozens of doll hospitals spread across all of Pennsylvania.

They crawl into bed and Emily is like, “Hey, are you awake?” And Ali is like, “Always, but especially now.” And then they make out good and proper like.

Spencer (Slytherin): Something tells me letting you back in is going to cost me more than I want to pay – so stay over there while I figure it out. Hanna (Gryffindor): I have the courage to hold your hand while you try to prove what you say is true, but my wand is in my other hand and you know how good I am at Defense Against the Dark Arts. Aria (Ravenclaw): My head and my heart live in different universes, obviously, so I’ll stand beside you with my heart while my brain tries to make sense of this mess. Emily (Hufflepuff): Get in my bed, let’s scissor.

What’s Emily’s deal in all this? Have you ever loved a girl and you didn’t know if she was into you or into girls at all and then one night she said she was for real and you didn’t know if she was telling the truth but you wanted to go all in because maybe this was your only chance and you’d been wondering so long what it would feel like? Has that feeling ever been coupled with the singular terror and relief that comes from finding out that at least one of the murdered girls you loved was able to claw her way out of a grave instead of being dead forever at the hands of a fake cousin you stabbed with his own pocket knife? Have you ever given away your face to a man in the woods or driven to your death at the behest of a talking doll? It’s … complicated inside Emily’s beautiful noggin.

Anyway, after it’s over and Ali rolls off of Emily (bottom4life), Emily caresses Ali’s face, says, “And that’s how much I love Beyonce.”

Somewhere across town, Paige is running sprints out in the street, gritted teeth, sweat running down her face and into her eyes, stinging like mad, growling out that singalong, like: “My power flurries through the air into the ground! My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around! And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast! I’m never going back, the past is in the past!”

Let it go, girl. Let it go. The cold always bothered you – but Emily will be back.

Ezra and Aria have some sex, too. It’s beyond words amazing that both of these pairs of guys are doing it to the world’s most famous stalker anthem. Every breath you take / Every move you make / Every bond you break / Every step you take / I’ll be watching you – and recording your every move to utilize for my own nefarious purposes at a later date.

At school the next day, everyone’s less thrilled to see Alison than they were the day before, even gayrons Mindy and Cindy. Because Mona recorded her slap fight with Alison, duh, and edited it down to just Ali talking shit and walloping Mona in the head. In the bathroom, the Liars are like, “Dude, come on!” And Ali is like, “But she hit me too!” And Hanna is like, “Ugh, stop talking so loud.” And Emily is like, “I let you touch my boobs!”

After school, Jenna’s chauffeur escorts her to the sexiest meeting this town has ever seen. Her chauffeur is Sydney Driscoll. (I threw my hands up in the air and hissed “YESSSSS!” right out loud about that little reveal.) And so it is Mona and Jenna and Sydney and two pairs of sunglasses and their bitchin’ rides and Sydney is like, “This town’s done with her.” And Jenna’s like, “No more dolls.” And then another car pulls up but we don’t see who’s inside but I bet you it’s Melissa Hastings. And, I mean. Slap my ass and sort me into Slytherin. If loving them is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Later that night, Spencer and Toby make out real sweetly in his truck, and Caleb and Hanna drink beers on the swings and dance around the subject of The Grunwald, and Ali tries to kiss Emily on her window seat but she swats her away because tits-touchin’ is one thing but that window seat is sacred ground. Everyone gets together when the news comes in that the girl who was found in Ali’s grave has been ID’d as a teenager named Bethany Young. They’re all feeling pretty bad about it, but then! An explosion explodes! They run outside and it looks like the apocalypse, all burning cars and ash raining down from the sky, and what it is is that Toby’s house has been blasted to smithereens!

They stand there looking freaked out, but it’s not over. Their phones all get to dinging. At the same time. You know who it is. It’s A, bitches. She’s back. She was just moving to a new lair so she’s been busy and hasn’t had time to keep in touch but she’s on the grid again.

Did you miss me?

Girl, you have no idea how much.

A billion thank yous to Nicole (@PLLBigA) for another set of glorious screencaps! Follow her on Twitter for all the Pretty Little Goodies your heart can handle!

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