“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.10): Loosen up my buttons, baby

Jane is being impatient. I don’t even know why I’m typing this because this is one of Jane’s most common activities, second only to “Jane is looking lovingly at Maura.” This time she is impatient about her mother returning from a trip to her apartment. She is pacing and looking at her watch as Maura calmly pours them some coffee. And then she tells Maura something about her lady parts. I don’t know, I wasn’t listening but that’s sure what it looks like.


Jane is waiting to get her letter from the doctor clearing her to go back to work. I have no idea why Jane sent her mother to her place to get the mail instead of going herself, but my guess is because she needed a little alone time with Maura. Recouping with your girlfriend is one thing, recouping with your girlfriend while your mom watches is entirely another. You can tell Maura is trying to take advantage of the moment because she tries to get Jane to pucker up. Again, pictures don’t lie.


Jane can’t understand why she hasn’t gotten her letter yet, but we all know it’s because Mama Rizzoli stole it. Please, we all knew it the second Jane mentioned that letter. For a detective, sometimes Jane is incredibly dense about her personal life.

Maura tries to calm her girlfriend and tells her even though Jane is dying to get back to work, she has loved having her there and “I’m sad that you’re leaving.” See, see? This is what I meant about Jane being dense about her personal life. She has the perfect moment to finally U-Haul it with Maura once and for all, but still insists on moving back to her so-called “apartment.” Give it up, we all know you have that thing listed on Airbnb.


Jane says she is sad, too – “so sad.” Oh, girl – good luck getting Maura to go near those lady parts you were gesturing so wildly at anytime soon. How about being a little appreciative. I mean, she nurses you back to health AND lets your mother live with her. What more do you want? The woman is perfect. Put a ring on it already.

Luckily, Maura “Perfect Girlfriend” is indeed perfect and brushes off Jane’s snarkiness. She realizes her girlfriend is more happy about going back to work than if she had found a way to magically turn all the lettuce of the world into beer. But Jane isn’t sure and challenges her girlfriend to make it happen. So demanding, that one.


Maura R finally arrives, lugging a black garbage bag full of Jane’s clothes. Yes, we all knew Jane would be the kind of person who used garbage bags instead of actual luggage – we just knew. The letter isn’t there, of course. Because MAMA R STOLE IT. Hey, just because the crimes have gotten harder to guess doesn’t mean all the other plot points have, too.

She tells Jane the doctor must think she needs more rest and orders her to lay down and she’ll bring her snacks. Jane, you are an idiot. Your mom is bringing you snacks and you’re living with the world’s most perfect girlfriend. Shut up and be thankful for your life.