“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D” recap (2.2): Breaking up is hard to do

Hello, sweet kittens. I’m at the Future of Storytelling Summit, so this recap is a little on the light side. We’ll pick back up full force next week when (spoiler alert!) Simmons returns with new hairs and a gun, after having (no joke!) switched teams. 

Previously on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson hired some mercenaries—led by former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Xena Warrior Princess—to track down the original 084 and steal some cloaking tech so his tiny hodgepodge of heroes can continue to run from bad guys and now also the government. Agent Xena lost her life in the fight or possibly is lying in wait with a biomechanical arm. Only time will tell. Fitz hallucinated Simmons in vivid detail because she has abandoned the team, leaving his brain and heart incapacitated. He dealt with it by being as sad as a listening to Joy Division alone in the rain. Skye dealt with by shit-talking Ward (who is still a sociopath but locked in the basement for now) and shooting up shit.


Crashing your car into Absorbing Man is a thing that will kill you, probably. In fact, Hunter is the only one who has survived last week’s supersmash and he’s cut up pretty bad. May shows up to extract him, but he convinces her to go after Creel, something she is happy to do because: a) It means she can zip down the highway on her motorcycle, all black everything, looking fetcher than fetch, and b) Nobody fucking kills Xena on Agent May’s watch. But Coulson orders her to stand down, so the whole operation is a bust basically. Creel intercepted the obelisk. Talbot intercepts Hunter. Skye and Tripp did get the Quinjet, though, so that’s at least something.

Talbot makes a deal with Hunter: If Hunter will hand over the “zealot” “vigilante” Agent Coulson, Talbot will give Hunter two million dollars cash money and a proper burial for Xena.


Hunter marches right back to S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ and tells Coulson about the whole thing. He’s got 48 hours to hand him over and he’s willing to do it, too, if Coulson can’t bury Xena right and fork over the money he owes Hunter and Xena and whatever that other mercenary’s name was. Nebraska or Idaho or something like that. He heads on down to Xena’s bunk to help Skye clear out her things. Family photos. Books. Chakrams. Swords. Throwing stars. Two sets of leather armor. Letters from someone called “Gabby.” Hunter asks Skye if she wants to get in on the mercenary game but S.H.I.E.L.D. is her family and so no.

Creel is still on the loose. First he hits up a diner and accidentally turns a waitress to stone when she brushes up against him. Then he goes home and has a meltdown about how messed up his Absorbing powers have been ever since he touched the obelisk. He yells at his Hydra handler about it, but his handler blows him off like Hyrda does. Enter: Raina. She’s got this stone that’s like half-diamond, half-stardust and she’s willing to fork it over if Creel will come work with her. But she’s holding it out in the open plain as day, one-tenth of this dude’s size, no mutant powers, and so he of course just plucks the stone right out of her hand without a single bit of thanks.


So Raina calls up her buddy Coulson and explains the deal: Hydra’s about to get their hands on the obelisk which she does not support because they do not understand it. Garrett understood it, though, and so she thinks Coulson can too, since the key to unlocking its mystery seems to be the Jesus Juice. Luckily, Raina put a tracking device in that stone Creel took from her, so she gives the digits to Coulson and Coulson sends his team, including Hunter, out into the field to retrieve the obelisk.