“Gotham” recap (1.6): Milke, Dix and Holy Ghosts on Bicycles

Welcome back to Gotham, the town that somebody has to run, so it might as well be Fish Mooney. Fish Mooney for Mayor 2014! Sadly there’s no Fish this week, but we do get the glorious return of Renee Montoya, Barbara Kean and their lingering eye sex.

The episode starts in a flashback to 10 years ago: we meet a younger, heroic, and less greasy version of Bullock and his curmudgeonly partner Det. Dix (played by Dan Hedaya, who will always be Cher Horowitz’s dad to me). Young Bullock is ready to storm into the lair of the Goat, a serial killer who preys on the first born of Gotham’s elite. Dix tells him to slow his role and wait for back-up, reminding him of Gotham’s golden rule: “No Heroes.” Bullock ignores him and dashes into the creepy abandoned theatre to be a Big Damn Hero.

Bullock and Dix are too late to save the latest victim, but they apprehend the Goat and Bullock shoots him dead. Unfortunately, Dix falls through a trap door and gets seriously messed up. Why do theatres even have trap doors? All I’ve ever seen them do is kill or maim people. Trap doors really seem like an insurance liability at this point, guys. Get a green screen or something.

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Flash forward to the present, where someone is copycatting the Goat. Bullock is very disturbed and I think we finally found a case he gives a shit about. This set-up is a much needed injection of pathos into the character of Bullock…who knew he was the O.G. boy scout before Gordon landed on the scene? Now if only this show could give us some strong Gordon (or Renee or Barbara) back story to flesh him out…well, that would be a protagonist worth following.

Speaking of, Gordon and Barbara are patching things up after their fight. They continue the same argument where Gordon just wants to protect Barbara and Barbara just wants to know what the fuck is going on. Sidebar: Does Barbara have a job (other than professional bisexual)? What does she do all day besides demanding answers from Jim and defending him to her ex-girlfriend? Does she crochet? Does she recap TV shows? I’M SO CURIOUS.

Meanwhile, Montoya and Allen question a dockside hobo who claims to have witnessed Gordon killing Oswald Cobblepot. Oh Renee, I get you girl. You just want to protect Barbara, but you need to brush up on your police work. It’s not like Oswald is in hiding, he’s waddling all over town! There’s gotta be a more efficient way to win back your ex.

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Gordon arrives at the crime scene, where Nigma is trying to get Bullock to solve his riddles. Poor Nigma just wants someone to play puzzles with, but everyone is more concerned with the actual crime scene than word games. No worries, I’m sure he’ll make some friends and go on to be a productive member of Gotham society.

Gordon and Bullock go to interview the grieving Hastings family (I didn’t know Spencer had relatives in Gotham), where they meet family therapist Dr. Marks, who I will now be referring to as Dr. McCreepy. The Hastings family is in emotional shambles, and Mr. Hastings keeps clenching and unclenching his fist. Bullock doesn’t believe in therapy, but he’s all about whatever drugs Dr. McCreepy is pushing on the family.

In the police archives, Nigma tries (and fails) to flirt with adorkable archivist Kristen Kringle. Here’s a tip: don’t smell a girl’s hair. Ever. Unless you’re both into it, in which case, sniff away.

Gordon and Bullock surmise that the Goat already has keys to his victim’s homes, and start checking maintenance crews and janitorial staff. They head on over to the autopsy of the victim, where they discover that the CopyGoat has sewn a penny into the victim’s scalp. YUCK…pennies are filthy, you guys. Bullock is dismayed, as that gross detail was kept out of the press.