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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 3.05 “Blood Ties”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The hopeful: Nikki gets some news about her case.

The hapless: Denny tries to be tough and lands herself right in the hospital.

The horrid: Fenner returns.

There’s gonna be a heartache tonight — It’s dark out. Look, it’s Larkhall! Did you know they have trucks, er, lorries that bring the newbies to the prison? I know you’ve never ever seen that before at the beginning of this show. It’s so new and fresh.

But anyway, one of the newbies is a B. Lester, and she has a lot of piercings. Hollamby snaps her photo and then says she wants a picture without all the metal.

New inmate: You what?

When I was at the University of Manchester, that expression (which really just means “huh?”) was my least. favorite. ever. — maybe it’s second nature to Brits, but to this American, it sounded like the most extreme of put-downs, probably because it was usually preceded by a scoff and accompanied by a sneer, just like the new inmate did just then.

Anyway, why is Hollamby working the late shift? I guess they must all have to do that once in a while.

Oh, wait, it’s not nighttime? Just, what, early morning or a really foggy day? It’s definitely the start of a workday, because all the screws are gathering in the wing office — including Jim Fenner, who’s looking reasonably hale and typically smarmy. Karen pretends not to be as excited as she very obviously is. Gina Rossi/Bossy, on the other hand, doesn’t even try to hide her urge to flirt. Fenner flirts right back. These two probably deserve each other.

Karen gives them the rundown on the newbie, Buki Lester. It’s Buki’s third time in the slammer; this time she’s in for GBH. No, not GHB the party drug — GBH, great/grievous bodily harm, known to us Yanks as first-degree assault.

Karen: Knifed her pimp. Heavy crack habit. The works.

Hollamby: Right little madam, she is. Face like a pincushion.

It’s time I admitted it: I’d apply to be a prison officer tomorrow if I could be sure it would mean hanging out in the wing office and listening to Hollamby whinge and moan.

Everyone filters out except for Jim, who stays behind to tell Karen how much he’s missed her. He wants to meet her in her office, but she says she can’t; they’re short-staffed. And also? She’s right-minded now and knows you’re a wanker, Jim. Or so I can hope.

Visiting hour — I’m already having trouble with time in this episode. It was a really dark morning in the British winter, I guess, and now we’re having visiting time? No breakfast or anything? I can’t function without those plastic blue cups to set the scene for me.

Lauren Atkins is marching right in to see her mother. Hi, Lauren, and hi, Lauren’s awesome button-down shirt! She’s all bossy and fierce, which is even better than the shirt. She doesn’t understand why her mum is willing to lie for her dad — she thought they were allied against him. (Last week, Charlie’s solicitor told Yvonne she’ll be set up for life if she lies for her rotten husband.)

The Atkins women are both really hot when they’re standing their ground.

Yvonne: There’s more that goes on in a marriage than you know. Some ties can’t be broken.

Lauren: He stitched you up, mum, so he was free to carry on with that bitch.

Yvonne: All right; maybe I am a stupid cow. But he said he’s sorry and he’s gonna look after us.

Lauren: He can’t even look after himself! He doesn’t deserve you. Or me.

Yeah. Sorry, Yvonne — I’ve gotta go with Lauren on this one. Lauren says she’s been running things while her dad is in the clink, and he’s no savvy businessman. But Yvonne doesn’t care.

Yvonne: He’s my husband, love. Your father. There’s nothing you can do about that.

Oh no? Oh. Well, no.

A sneak attack — Fenner is ambushing Karen in the hallway under a sign that says “Don’t be a victim.” OK, not really, but if you press pause at the right moment, it totally looks like that. Either that, or they’re both breaking into song as part of an anti-drug PSA.

He wants to go for a drink tonight, or go back to his place. Karen brushes him off, preferring to talk to Josh about his application to become a P.O. — she’s impressed, and he’s sheepish and cute. Yeah, I know I don’t usually like him, but that was kind of adorable.

An even worse visit — Fenner stops by the visiting room, just in time to see Lauren leave. He saunters up to Yvonne and makes a crack about The Godfather and honor among thieves.

Yvonne: [with her serpentine smile] Dockley shoulda sliced your dick off while she had the chance. Sir.

Hey, Yvonne doesn’t look like a hawk — she looks like Voldemort! In an awesome, not-evil way.

Fenner then stomps his way onto the wing and right into lots of jeers and smartass remarks from the inmates. He gives the insults right back, but he seems to lose his cool when he sees Shell. PTSD, anyone?

Another reunion — Oh, gah, wait, there’s Helen! Just as my eyes were starting to glaze over with the Fenner-ness. She’s got that sweet smile on her face again as she approaches a purple-shirted Nikki.

Helen: [hurriedly, like a happy puppy] Have you got a minute? Can I have a word?

Nikki: [pointing toward Fenner] Did you know he was back? I hoped he might take early retirement, but no such luck, eh?

Just after this throwaway line, Nikki gets flirty and lets her eyes drift to Helen’s lips and then back up again. It’s brief, but it’s definitely there.

Helen: Never mind Fenner. [grabbing Nikki’s arm] Your cell. Now.

Yes, ma’am! As Helen turns to follow a smirking Nikki, she glances around with an expression just as promising as — if also much giddier than — Nikki’s coy up-and-down look.

And then — I cannot help myself — la Lahbib langue makes an appearance! She does show that thing at the slightest provocation, doesn’t she?

I need a moment.

OK, we’ve walked the eight steps to Nikki’s cell, though I’m sorry to say the door is wide open.

Nikki: [brattily] What? What?!

Helen: [grinning like a fool] It’s good news. No; it is fantastic news!

Nikki: What is it?

Helen: Claire Walker has dug up an ex-colleague of Gossard’s who claimed he raped her. And get this: She’s prepared to tell it to court.

Nikki blinks and stares and looks like she might cry. I can’t tell you what Helen’s face is doing, because it’s off camera, but I’m pretty sure she’s still grinning like a fool.

(A quick refresher: Claire Walker is Nikki’s solicitor and Helen’s old friend, and Gossard is the cop Nikki killed in defense of her ex, Trish. Such drama.)

Picking up where they left off — Fenner finds Karen in her office and asks her why she’s avoiding him.

Karen: I can’t afford to end up in any more compromising situations because of a … an attraction.

Really? Him?

Fenner insists he’s blameless for the whole Shell thing and gets right in Karen’s face. She admits she believes he’s innocent, and then things get all weird and psychedelic as Jim recalls his near-death experience and points out that he and Karen have saved each other’s lives. Next thing you know, they’re kissing and I’m dying for another glimpse of Helen and Nikki.

Planning — And I get it! Helen gives Nikki some more details about the developments in her appeal.

Helen: So, she’s unemployed now, this woman.

Nikki: What’s her name?

Helen: Sally Ann Howe.

Nikki: Sally Ann Howe. Love you.

Helen: She was on the sick for stress after the alleged attack. But the police closed rank, and in the end she was too scared to press charges. She said that she got a couple of threatening phone calls, as well.

Nikki: Bastards, the lot of them.

Helen: When she heard about you, she decided to come forward.

Nikki: The CCRC can’t ignore that, surely.

Helen: The CCRC’s gonna take too long. Claire says we’ve gotta get a petition together to the Home Secretary.

Nikki: Hey? How are we gonna manage that?

Helen: You forget: I work for the Home Office.

Nikki: [unable to hold back her glee] Jesus. I just can’t believe it!

Helen: [getting serious] We’ve been here before. So let’s stay calm. You don’t need to get too excited too soon.

Nikki: We’ve never had a bloody witness before. I mean, it’s looking positive, i’n’t?

Helen: [nodding] It’s looking positive. But hang on in there. It’s gonna take time. But we’re gonna get this thing moving. All right?

Helen turns to go, but this is way too big a moment for Nikki.

Nikki: [softly, as the music swells] Helen. [as Helen turns] Thanks. For everything.

Helen smiles, saying so very much with her eyes, and takes her leave.

Sigh. These two have so much chemistry, it’s ridiculous. And right. And really the best thing I’ve ever seen on TV.

(CCRC, by the way, stands for Criminal Cases Review Commission. Either that, or Complex Carbohydrate Research Center, according to Google.)

The four-bed dorm — The children are jockeying for position. Shaz and Denny tease newbie Buki about her smelly sneakers and teddy bear.

Denny: You’re sad, man.

Buki: [scoffing at the fact that Denny has her arm draped across Shaz’s shoulders] Yeah? Well, at least I ain’t no lezzie.

Shaz: Shut your face, you.

Buki gets them on her side when she claims that Hollamby is a “racialist” who used the N-word when she took her photo. They talk about piercings, and Buki shows them the one Hollamby missed — the stud in her tongue.

Buki: Punters love it. I can make £500 a day with this.

Eww. Anyway, Buki say she also has pierced nipples, and she did many of her piercings herself. Nice foreshadowing, you crafty writers.

The lunch queue — Fenner saunters by as Yvonne and Barbara wait for their food.

Yvonne: [sniffing] Can you smell something off, Babs? You wanna check your stab wound’s healed, Fenner. Gangrene stinks like rotting fish, do you know?

Heh. Just in time, Shell shows up to mock Fenner too. He tries to put her in her place, but Shell is much too psycho — she’ll always get the upper hand, even when she’s not holding a broken bottle.

TV time on the wing — Denny introduces Buki to Shell, calling Shell “top dog.” Shell just wants to know whether Buki has any drugs. Striking out there, she moves closer to the TV just as the news begins to cover Charlie Atkins and his long association with criminal activity in the East End of London.

Buki soon sneaks up behind Shell, though, because she herself is desperate for some “rocks.” Gah, a crack habit behind bars? A fate worse than a snog with Fenner. Maybe.

Speaking of that — Karen and Fenner make out in her office. Ugh ugh ugh. She unbuttons his shirt and then — please, make it stop — she kisses his scar. I need some rocks too, Buki.

Fools everywhere you look — Di bumps into Josh, and it’s not even calculated this time. He’s excited about his new P.O. career, but she misinterprets his gratitude as affection. Worse yet, she steals a bandanna from his bag when he’s not looking. You know, for her completely insane shrine-making hobby.

Later, in the loo, Di fondles the bandanna. A nail — like a 3-inch, heavy-duty nail — falls out of it, and after Di leaves, Shaz is only too happy to find the contraband. She takes the nail right to Denny and Buki; they use it to fashion a tattoo needle from a ball-point pen. (Buki “sterilizes” the nail by dipping it in a little bottled water.) My, but these girls are dim sometimes.

Dinner — Nikki gets the scoop about Barbara’s nasty stepchildren. But Nikki’s the one making news — Gina stops by to wish her good luck, and Fenner stops by to goad her.

Fenner: Don’t count your chickens, Wade. Just ’cause your little governor’s been working after hours for you.

Nikki: Surprised, Fenner? I am a miscarriage of justice.

That was your idea of a snappy comeback? You really are getting a little soft-hearted, Nikki.

Shell overhears and says she’s glad Nikki’s going to prove that the copper is a rapist. She adds, in her diabolical way, that rapists deserve to have their balls chopped off. Fenner goes white, or maybe green; she’s definitely getting to him.

Denny and Shaz’s house of body mods — Buki has tattooed (more like scraped and scratched) “Denny” onto Shaz’s palm and “Shaz” onto Denny’s. Before you can absorb that, Buki’s standing in front of the mirror, poking the nail through the hole in her septum to make sure the piercing hasn’t “closed up.” It’s as stomach-turning as it sounds.

Shaz decides they might as well get some piercings to go with their tattoos. Denny says they’ll just get in trouble.

Shaz: Not if we did it where they can’t see.

Denny uncertainly looks down at her crotch. But Shaz sticks out her tongue instead. (Out of context, those two sentences would be both porny and illogical.)

They make a deal to get Buki some drugs if she can get them some studs for their tongues. Denny hesitates, partly because she doesn’t want another Zandra in her cell.

The wing office — Karen and Helen talk about this and that.

Karen: Nikki must be thrilled.

Helen: It’s early days yet, but yeah, she is. Just to warn you, she might need to see her lawyer a few times over the next couple of weeks.

Is that going to be anything like Yvonne’s recent meetings with her “solicitor”?

Karen says she’s never really seen Nikki as a murderer. Helen agrees, but she would, wouldn’t she?

Fenner arrives, looking like trouble. Karen leaves; Jim closes the door behind her and squares off with Helen.

Fenner: What is it with you, Stewart? Just gotta look at a murderer and you go moist.

Helen: You’re out of line, Jim.

Jim: [stepping closer] Thanks to you, I had to walk back on this wing with a nutter who tried to stick me. And now you’re telling me that Nikki Wade the cop killer is innocent too? You make me sick.

Helen: Well, that is a relief. If you approved, I’d know I was doin’ somethin’ wrong. Get outta my face.

Hooray for the anger-enhanced accent! Also, Fenner, you’re really starting to suck. I’ve gone from “love to hate you ” to plain old hate.

Helen certainly does know how to stand strong, though, especially compared to when she was a fresh-faced Wing Governor. It’s amazing what the love of a good woman will do.

Striking out on their own — Denny says Buki is really getting on her nerves. Shaz is sure they can do their own piercings because Buki has shown her the basics.

Denny: I dunno, babe. I mean, your tongue … it’s a special area, innit? You talk with it.

Shaz: Yeah, well, you listen with your ears, and I done them before.

Denny: Well, my tongue don’t even stick out very far. Look.

But Shaz insists, and Denny’s kind of whipped. So right after lunch, the dangerous games begin. At least this time Shaz dips the nail in whiskey rather than just water. She instructs Denny to put her tongue on an apple and close her eyes; Shaz will then push the nail through. Oh. My. God. Denny looks scared as she sits there with the ice cube on her tongue. If only you would heed your fears for once, Den.

We don’t see the actual piercing, but we do hear Den cry out in pain and then we see the nail in her tongue. There’s blood everywhere, but Shaz doesn’t seem terribly concerned.

Another brilliant idea — G wing is having a little pool competition — it’s screws vs. inmates. Yeah, great idea: Give ’em some sticks and pool balls and encourage them to compete with each other. What’s next — a martial arts tournament?

On one of the upper tiers, Yvonne is running a book. Nikki bets a week’s spends on Denny and Shaz. Apparently she didn’t hear Denny shrieking in pain.

Karen interrupts to tell Yvonne she’s expected in court first thing tomorrow. Nikki looks slightly curious, but Yvonne keeps to herself and goes back to her book-making.

As the pool competition begins to heat up (oh, no: Di is playing, and she’s flirting with Josh all the while), Denny tries to hide her bloody tongue. She rushes back to her cell, spitting blood into the sink. Shell takes Denny’s place, and Gina “pool shark” Rossi starts to clear the table. What a weird scene.

The aftermath — As the screws gather their things in the locker room, Josh says he’s nervous about his P.O. exam in the morning. Di gives him some white heather for luck (he’s just as confused as you are), but Gina gives him a kiss on the cheek and declares him a “bit of all right.” Di looks like she’s ready to take Gina home and “care” for her the way she cares for her mother.

In the four-bed dorm, Shaz and Buki ramble on. Denny ignores them and keeps her back to them as she bleeds in her bunk.

The next morning, Shaz tries to wake Denny, but she’s unconscious. She’s rushed to the doctor in a big ruckus of screws and nurses. Shell walks right up to Shaz and slaps her.

Shaz: Anything happens to Denny, and I’ll cut your tits off!

Nothing’s really just a figure of speech when Shell says it.

Yvonne — oh, hello, Yvonne in a suit, getting ready to go to court — gets the whole story from Shaz. When she hears about the nail, she tells Shaz to make it “disappear quick.” Oh, right, the nail! Hey, we can just blame Di for the whole thing rather than being angry at Shaz.

And then it’s time for Yvonne to leave. Nikki gives her an appreciative glance (too bad she didn’t say “nice sooot!”) and wishes her good luck.

Nikki: What some people’ll do for their men, eh?

Barbara: I’d have done anything for Peter.

Nikki: And look what happened to you.

Before she goes to court, Yvonne has a brief consultation with Charlie’s lawyer, who pretty much tells her what to say on the stand. She’s supposed to take the fall for a drug delivery, pretending she thought the packages were birthday presents.

I never know what day it is — Josh has good news: He has passed his P.O. exam and will soon be a screw. Wait, he got the results immediately? Never mind the screw thing: Karen has found out about the nail and asks him for an explanation, because he’s the only one who would have a nail like that.

Josh: You what?

He doesn’t sound rude when he says it. He just sounds scared. And Di looks scared, too (she did see the nail when she dropped it, but just panicked and left rather than picking it up), and tries to come to Josh’s defense.

Taking the stand — Yvonne and her snazzy suit testify in Charlie’s defense. Or not.

Barrister: What did you think was in the packages?

Yvonne: Drugs.

So much for standing by your man and being loyal to all those mysterious things that go on in a marriage! Among the spectators, Lauren smirks and snickers.

The barrister tries to get a different answer from Yvonne, but it doesn’t work. She pretty much sends Charlie down the river, giving Lauren a hint of a smile as she does so. Charlie takes the stand in his own defense, and I once again wonder what Yvonne ever saw in the lout.

The lawyer tries to make Yvonne out to be a woman seeking revenge. She just listens and waits.

Learning a lesson — Helen gives Shaz an update on Denny, who’s now at the hospital getting a blood transfusion. Shaz takes it out on Buki, kicking her hard.

Helen tells Karen there’s no point in sending Shaz down the block; she’s suffered enough. Karen agrees.

Soon there’s word from the hospital: Denny may have blood poisoning. Helen asks Shaz for some information about Denny’s mother, and Shaz looks genuinely sorry, as though she might see the error of her ways. She seems to be learning more in prison than most inmates do, probably because she came in as such a blank slate, morally speaking.

Meanwhile, Josh says he was going to invite Di for a drink but doesn’t feel like celebrating now because of the Denny thing. Di is beside herself, having ruined her own chance to embarrass herself at a bar with him.

Pretty persuasion — Yvonne convinces Hollamby to let her stay and wait for the verdict to come back. Charlie is found guilty on the stolen goods charge but not the drug charges.

Yvonne: He’s got at the bleedin’ jury.

Unbelievably, and in a way that suggests he has been paid off too, the judge lets Charlie go since he’s already served some time on remand. Charlie steps down to kiss the bimbo he’s brought along. Yvonne strolls by, spitting in his face as she does. Yes! She gives her daughter Lauren a blank look on the way out.

Lauren: I’ll sort it, mum. I promise.

Lauren seems like she’s good at this mob stuff, doesn’t she? I’d like to see a Sopranos-style spin-off with Lauren as the star.

Lauren doesn’t have to take care of everything, because as Charlie speaks to the press on the courthouse steps, a motorcycle rolls up. A man hops off the bike, calls “Atkins,” briefly aims the gun at Yvonne (this is still a soap, after all) and then fires one shot, hitting Charlie squarely between the eyes.

Whoa! Nice thrilling ending, and somewhat unexpected after all the Denny drama. Hollamby and Rossi hustle Yvonne into a car and back to Larkhall. She looks stunned but strong, and still looks pretty great in that suit. You’re the top (dog), Yvonne!

Next time on Bad Girls: The Julies have a new pet; Helen has a new pet project.

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