“Dante’s Cove” Recaps: Episode 3.1

Eventually, Michelle returned to Dante’s Cove, only to find Van chasing the Tresum dragon more than ever, having become Grace’s apprentice. Not wanting to fight anymore, Van decided to hit the relationship reset button and did a quick mind-erasing spell on Michelle.

Having had her slate wiped clean, Tara Michelle had no memory of sharing her bed and menstrual cycle with Willow Van. But instead of starting down a fresh path toward lesbian bliss, Michelle found Van to be an annoying little stalker this time around. Instead, Michelle crushed on the strong, less stalkerish arms of an oceanographer-slash-bartender-slash-scuba diver named Brit. At least Michelle remembered she was gay, so there’s that.

The mind erase didn’t erase everything in Michelle’s head, though. The sight of Van triggered disturbing flashbacks of a life that felt familiar, but she couldn’t remember it fully. Not unlike the ’80s for some of you. The visions slowly drove her over the edge, and she walked into the ocean to end it all – making hers the only fatal case of déjà vu in history.

Speaking of drowning, the local surf and dive shop underwent new ownership. Tall and mysterious Diana Childs not only sold Sex Wax and boogie boards by day, but she turned out to be Grace’s estranged and equally powerful sister. Diana has serious sibling rivalry issues, and an agenda of her own. Who do you think hooked Ambrosius up with the Tresum?

The Libra Solstice approached, promising power over time itself. Alliances were formed and schemes were put in motion. Van promised to become Grace’s Aspirant if she helped save Michelle. Kevin promised to be Bro’s Aspirant if he released Toby from a spell-induced zombie trance. Diana promised herself Grace wouldn’t get anything from the Solstice but a bad sunburn. I promised to look up “Aspirant” at some point.

Everyone got what they wanted except Grace, who was vaporized into oblivion by her sister. That’s going to leave a mark.

With the addition or expansion of the lesbian characters, this season promises more dyke drama, more girl nudity and, of course, more lesbian spell casting, because some of us are genetically unable to resist anything having to do with ritual.

H2 Oh my – Van is walking alone in the dunes wearing Nancy Sinatra boots and a skirt made out of an old fisherman’s net. She suddenly drops to the sand and starts squirming around like she’s being eaten alive by sand fleas.

Toby bolts upright in his bed, panting and calling Van’s name. It was all a bad dream. Especially that outfit. Outside, the Hotel Dante’s sign lies half-buried in the sand, weather-damaged and covered in seaweed.

Cut to six months later. Kevin is taking an outdoor shower. Bro watches him from behind a tree because it’s fun to role-play the Peeping Tom. Before you can say “Oops, I dropped the soap,” Bro is in there with him. Kevin helps Bro with those hard-to-reach spots and in no time flat, everyone’s clean as a whistle, inside and out.