“Dante’s Cove” Recaps: Episode 3.3 “Sexual Healing”

We like snails — H2Eau’s culinary wunderkind, Toby, is relaxing in a hot tub after a long night of poaching salmon and chopping fennel. As the frothy waters roil around his rugged, smooth body, a flash of lightning and a crack of thunder fill the dark skies. Toby doesn’t move.

With his newfound attraction to Adam, his ongoing drama with Kevin, and a boss who turns every shift into a sexual harassment law suit, electrocution in an outdoor hot tub during a storm is the last thing on Toby’s mind.

Apparently, Kevin has other things on his mind too, because his head slowly emerges from the water like a blond Loch Ness monster. Courtesy of a little amateur Tresum, Kevin has teleported over to Toby’s house again for another surprise visit. He hovers over Toby with his butt in the air. Toby opens his eyes.

Toby: Kevin! What the f—?
Kevin: Shhh …
Toby: Adam’s right inside.
Kevin: I wanted to see you.

Kevin kisses Toby and slowly makes his way down until his head is underwater. As Kevin cleans him like a helpful sucker fish, Toby throws his head back in gratitude.

Ever seen Spartacus? That film had a hot tub scene, too. Tony Curtis, as the slave Antoninus, splashes water on the back of his master, Crassus, played by Laurence Olivier, while they linger in a big Roman bath.

Crassus: Do you eat oysters?
Antoninus: When I have them, master.
Crassus: Do you eat snails?
Antoninus: No, master.
Crassus: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
: No, master.
Crassus : Of course not. It is all a matter of taste, isn’t it?
Antoninus: Yes, master.

Subtext has been replaced by submerged sex. Look how far we’ve come.

Adam enters, drops his drawers, bends over, and gets in the tub.

Or not.

Kevin vanishes as Adam arrives, leaving Toby with an angry sea serpent and a frozen smile on his face.

Back at Bro’s house, Kevin reappears at their bedside, soaking wet and reeking of chlorine. Kevin says aloud: "Good night, Toby. It’s almost time." Bro keeps right on snoring and drooling. That guy can sleep through anything.

Meanwhile, Diana is sitting alone in the darkness of her living room, listening to creepy voices calling her name and asking her to "join" them. Without her Tresum powers, Diana is as helpless and scared out of her wits as a small child and hides by sticking her face behind a potted palm. Diana didn’t play much hide and seek as a kid, I’m guessing.