“Dante’s Cove” Recaps: Episode 3.5 “Naked in the Dark”

Why? — Meanwhile, Michelle is off by herself trying to wrap her head around the terrible things she’s done, the lives that have been lost, and the injustice of the guys never having to don the heinous fashions that she and Elena have had to endure.

She’s baaack — Trevor is hanging his berries in the window: a sure way to keep certain people away, but a clear invitation to other types. He looks out and sees Diana in the yard, stumbling around, feeling her way with her arms outstretched as if she’s playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey and has badly lost her way. Trevor sounds the alarm, which consists of saying, “She’s here.”

Diana raises her arms and the sun goes out, throwing the island into blackest night. The house goes into DEFCON 5: Brit suggests everyone arm themselves, Trevor runs off to check all the doors, Toby stands there saying, “S—.” Let’s not put Toby in charge.

Diana’s bitterness and hunger for power has turned her into an instrument of the dark side. Griff, Bro and Grace monitor Diana from the window, knowing they are the Shadows’ hat trick.

In the back of the house, Trevor has found an open sliding glass door. He closes it, but it’s too late: something rushes up on him and he’s taken by the dark forces.

Very superstitious — By the light of a few candles, Toby, Brit and Kevin assemble the paltry weapons and tools that can be found among common household items: scissors, a kitchen knife and a candlestick. With Colonel Mustard, in the billiard room.

The Three Musketeers enter and scoff at the mere mortals and their utensils. However, Brit would rather depend on a pair of pinking shears than Grace’s hocus-pocus.

Grace: This battle will be fought and won with magic.
Brit: No. I’m not going to rely on superstition to save us. I only trust something I can touch. Things that are real.
Grace: Tresum is very real. And it’s a powerful ally.
Brit: It’s a menace. Your witchcraft only causes problems — it solves nothing. No, I will never touch your magic.

Kevin rolls his eyes impatiently. Frickin’ chicks.

Wiser than Kevin will ever be, Grace picks up what Brit is throwing down. She’ll never touch magic. Grace asks Brit if Michelle ever tried to get her hooked on Tresum. And Brit remembers that yes, Michelle tried more than once to get her to touch her magic. She was practically begging for it. Heh.

“We had it all wrong. We thought ‘virgin’ meant untouched by pleasures, but it doesn’t. Untouched by magic,” Grace says with a flourish, all proud of herself.

Brit realizes that’s why Michelle attacked Elena; to trick Brit into sullying herself with magic. And when Brit didn’t fall for her trickery, Michelle was easily beaten back by Brit and Grace and was forced to walk home empty-handed.

Griff sums it up for Kevin and the others: “Only a powerful Tresum master and a non-magic warrior can defeat the House of Shadows and close the portal forever.”

Brit’s finally on board because being called a “warrior” has a coolness factor that’s irresistible to lesbians.

Kevin, who has all the patience and comprehension of a 6-year-old, stamps his feet and says who cares about prophecy; let’s go kick some Shadow ass, man!

Grace laughs the knowing laugh of a woman who isn’t a virgin by any definition. Kevin’s raging ego is exactly the kind of fuel the House of Shadows runs on. A true Tresum master never has to prove it, Grasshopper.